Welcome to the Bayfront Arena in beautiful St. Petersburg, Florida for WCW SuperBrawl! The only wrestling show that puns on Super Bowl but airs several weeks later. On the card tonight, the Nasty Boys take on Public Enemy in a falls count anywhere Street Fight, Brian Pillman goes up against the Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan in a Respect Match, Konnan will face One Man Gang to defend his United States Championship, Diamond Dallas Page will put his $6 million dollar lottery winnings against Johnny B. Badd's WCW Television Title and the rights to the Diamond Doll Kimberly. Sting & Luger will face off against Harlem Heat for the WCW World Tag Team Titles, and in a huge double main event, Savage will defend his WCW World Championship against Ric Flair in a steel cage and Hulk Hogan will fight The Giant in an unsanctioned steel cage fight! That's right, tonight's show features five title matches and four gimmick matches and still somehow ends up being the most boring pay-per-view I've ever seen.
The Nasty Boys and Public Enemy are the first competitors to come down to the ring tonight. They look really goofy, but I wouldn't say that to their faces. Grunge has #69 on his jersey. The Nasties take the fight to the Enemies and they brawl around ringside. Rocco introduces a table early but Saggs hits him with a chair like four times before he can use it. Grunge runs over and makes the save. Rocco puts Knobbs on the table and goes for the moonsault but Knobbs gets to his feet and drops Rocco Rock through the table with a back body drop, but the Nasties only pick up a two count. Saggs introduces a trash can with the lid. Saggs piledrives Grunge through the trash can in the ring but Grunge gets to the ropes to force a break. Outside the ring, Knobbs piledrives Rock through a table. This match is really boring and hard for me to follow. Both tag teams make their way to the concession stands. The Enemies start dominating. Saggs suplexes a table onto Rocco, which is surprisingly ineffective. They are throwing trash at each other. This is garbage wrestling at its worst. Finally, Rocco sets Saggs up on a concession table, he goes to a balcony about ten feet above the table, goes for the moonsault, Saggs rolls away and Rocco goes through the table. Pin for three, Nasties win. Bad.
Backstage with Gene, Konnan is wearing an ugly costume. He thanks all the Latinos who have supported him in the past and support him now. He has a plan to beat One Man Gang tonight and he will do his best to follow it! Good, basic promo.
Johnny B. Badd vs Diamond Dallas Page is next. The Diamond Doll Kimberly is absolutely gorgeous and also is accompanying Johnny B Badd to the ring. We are informed, I guess this all goes down on Saturday Night or Main Event or whatever, that Kimberly won some huge sum of money in a lottery but DDP stole it and all that's left is $6 million dollars. DDP put that money on the line tonight in order to win back his title and his Diamond Doll. Johnny B. Badd throws a neon green WCW frisbee into the crowd during his entrance.
DDP opens the match by going after Kimberly, but Badd makes the save. Badd takes control and outwrestles DDP. Page keeps trying to cheat to no avail. DDP finally manages to hang Badd up on the ropes, taking the momentum. He hits the gutwrench gutbuster. A quick exchange of pinning predicaments leaves Diamond Dallas with the momentum still. DDP hits a neckbreaker but elects to showboat instead of pin. Kimberly holds up a sign that says "0." This distraction lets Badd get a roll up for a two count. DDP ties on a headlock, using the ropes for leverage, that leads to a three arm drop spot. Badd powers out, though. Page hauls Badd up for an atomic drop, Badd flips out, rolls Page into a pinning combination, two count again. We get a shot of the Spanish announce table where Konnan is on commentary for this match. Badd starts firing back against DDP with big right hands. A top rope double axe handle knocks DDP down, Badd receives a "10" from Kimberly. DDP gets to his feet and Badd hits a top rope sunset flip for two. Badd fires off a quick powerbomb, again for two. He rolls DDP up with a schoolboy for another two count! DDP finally gets offense in, landing an elbow and following it up for a lateral press with his feet on the ropes, pulling out a two count. Tilt-a-whirl mat slam from Page, comes up with two again. He cinches in a sleeper, three arm drop spot again, and Badd powers out with a jawbreaker. Badd locks in a sleeper hold of his own but DDP gets to the ropes and both men sprawl out on the mat. DDP up first, he goes for the tilt-a-whirl mat slam again but Badd reverses it into a tombstone piledriver. He gets the three count, retaining his belt and Kimberly and winning DDP's money. He signs it all over to Kimberly!
Backstage with Gene, the Harlem Heat are interviewed. Stevie Ray calls out Lex Luger for cheating in the match that cost the Heat their belts. Stevie Ray says that Sting is just as bad as Luger, if he's going to keep allowing Luger to cheat. Booker calls them college punks and "sissified" losers. Gene tells us that whoever wins the Sting & Luger vs Harlem Heat match will have to face the Road Warriors for the titles later tonight! Booker T says he isn't scared of two old men like the Road Warriors. Can you dig it, sucka?
The Heat and Sting & Luger head down to the ring. Luger gets scared by his own pyro. The bell rings to start the match, but Luger is stalling. Finally, the match begins with Booker T and Sting locking up. A lot of quick tagging in the early goings. Whenever Luger faces any resistance in this match, he immediately powders out of the ring. Even so, the match remains fairly even. Luger comes in after Sting takes Booker off his feet and goes to drop an elbow, missing his target. Booker hits his sidewalk slam into a spinaroonie spin kick. The Harlem Heat start really working over Luger, showing some awesome tag team psychology here. They tease the hot tag and deny. Booker tags in after Luger overpowers Stevie Ray and goes for the tag, hitting the Ghetto Blaster scissor kick. "I'm not gonna pin him yet," Booker T hollers at Stevie Ray, "Not yet, brother." Luger finally gets the hot tag but the ref's back was turned. Sting runs in anyway and Stinger Splashes Booker T. Book grabs Sting and they both tumble out of the ring, followed by the referee. Meanwhile, Stevie Ray hauls Luger up for a powerbomb, but, before he can execute, Road Warrior Animal runs in and nails Stevie Ray in the gut with a lead pipe. Stevie Ray collapses with Luger on top of him, the ref rolls back in and counts the pinfall. The Harlem Heat are again robbed of their belts.
At the top of the ramp, Luger tells Mean Gene that he and Sting are "the tag team of the 90s." Sting apologizes to Luger for thinking he would cheat.
Next, Konnan and One Man Gang come down to the ring for the US title match. Gang jumps Konnan before the bell rings, trying to ground the relatively high flyer. Whenever Konnan attempts some of his high-flying aerial offense, its ineffective to the One Man Gang. Gang is absolutely dominating the match. A "boring" chant is heard. Konnan finally gets to his feet, goes to the top rope, and goes for a hurricanrana. One Man Gang completely botches it. He tries to pin Konnan but interrupts the pin at two and a half. Gang goes to the second rope for a splash but whiffs it. Konnan tries for the 'rana again but Gang again botches. This time, however, Konnan sits on him and picks up three, retaining the belt. What an embarrassing match for Konnan.
Backstage, Road Warrior Animal says he attacked Stevie Ray because Luger attacked him. What. He half-heartedly apologizes to the Heat. Hawk also apologizes, but follows it up with "NOT!" Furthermore, "we're gonna deviate your septums, we're gonna detach your retinas, and a lot of other nasty things!"
Next is the Respect Match. Tony explains to us that a Respect match is a cross between a Strap match and an I Quit match. The first man to say "I respect you" loses. Taskmaster is accompanied to the ring by Jimmy Hart. As he takes off his ring robe, Pillman rushes in with the strap and attacks Sullivan. They are just brawling with no time for the referee to even attach the strap. After maybe 30 seconds of beating down Sullivan, Pillman runs over to the ref and grabs the mic. "I respect you, bookerman!" Pillman loses the match, breaks kayfabe, and walks calmly from the arena (and all the way to Philadelphia). Taskmaster is stomping around the ring looking pissed.
Arn Anderson runs out, wearing his street clothes. Sullivan attacks Anderson and whips him with the strap, yelling "Put it on!" Both men put the strap on and the match is restarted. Anderson and Sullivan exchange shots and holds involving the strap until Ric Flair runs out and puts a stop to the fight. He tries to calm both men down and tells them that if they want to have a chance of stopping Hogan and Savage, they have to work together. The Alliance to Destroy Hulkamania is born as the Dungeon of Doom and the Four Horsemen become fast allies.
Jimmy Hart, having made his way backstage, is with the Giant and Mean Gene Okerlund. Hart says that Hogan is still injured and can't beat the Giant with just one eye. Hulkamania is going to die tonight. The Giant threatens to erupt all over Hulk Hogan. He then threatens to punch a hole through Hogan's head. The Giant is screaming so loud he loses his voice over the course of the promo.
The second tag team title match of the evening is next. The Road Warriors take their place in the ring as Sting & Luger come down to ringside. Luger refuses to get in the ring with the Road Warriors for a good five minutes as the crowd chants "L O D" and Heenan makes jokes. Brain lets us know that he's got a network of spies everywhere watching in case WCW wrestlers do something embarrassing in public. Among those spies, Heenan has "a guy" who "hides a little bit."
Finally Sting and Hawk lock up over the sound of "Luger Sucks" chants. Hawk takes Sting down and locks on a Regal Stretch for a few seconds before Sting powers out. Sting tags in Luger and Luger starts a real brawl with the Road Warriors. A lot of quick tags until a hot tag builds for the Road Warriors. Hawk comes in off after Sting catches Animal's knees following a top rope splash. The match starts to break down after Sting no-sells an enormous suplex from Animal. The referee throws the match out as the Road Warriors chase Sting & Luger into the back.
Flair cuts an awesome promo in a backstage interview segment with Mean Gene and Woman. Flair has foiled the Megapowers' plot and nullified their secret weapons. Tonight, he's going to make Savage sweat, bleed, and lose.
The cage begins to lower as Gene starts to conduct an interview with Miss Elizabeth. Savage rushes in from off camera and hijacks the promo. The Megapowers are reunited, oh yeah. Savage is going to take it to the next level, he's going to bring the insanity, don't ask him how and don't ask him why. "Divided we conquer." "THE MEGAPOWERS ARE. COOL." He shouts.
Down at ringside, Flair is accompanied by Woman and Savage is accompanied by Miss Elizabeth. Savage kisses an empty Slim Jim wrapper as he enters the cage. Flair stalls entering the cage. He offers Miss Elizabeth a ride on Space Mountain but Savage refuses for her. After several minutes, Flair finally enters the ring. Savage just mauls him as the bell rings and the cage door is locked shut. Flair pushes back with some chops and throws Savage into the cage. There's a meaningless ref bump followed by Flair snapmaring Savage over and goes to the top rope. Savage gets up, throws Flair down, and locks in the Figure Four Leglock. Flair gets to the ropes but there's no ropebreaks in a cage match. Savage voluntarily breaks the hold, runs over, and soccer kicks Flair in the face. Savage calls for the elbow and goes to the very top of the cage. He drops it, but Flair gets to his feet and all Savage catches is an elbow to his ribs. Flair locks in a Figure Four of his own but is forced to break the hold when Savage grabs hold of the cage. No ropebreaks but yes cagebreaks? Savage starts throwing Flair into the cage and raking his face against the chain. Flair is busted open, but very mildly, for Ric Flair at least. Flair tries to escape the cage but Savage pulls down his tights to the point where the crowd starts going "Ooooh!" and the camera has to cut away. This happens twice before the cage door pops open "accidentally". The ref goes to retrieve the pad lock as both men brawl into a sprawl. Woman throws some kind of powder into Savage's eyes, blinding him as Miss Elizabeth hands Ric Flair her high heeled shoe. Flair nails Savage in the eye with it just like he got Hogan. Flair picks up the pin and we have a new champ. Ric Flair, thirteen time World Champion.
Hogan runs out and threatens Liz and Woman with a chair. AA heads down to make the save. Hogan and AA end up in the ring where Hogan beats him and Ric until they skedaddle. A mild "Hogan Sucks" chant is heard.
Backstage, Hogan lets us know that Liz is a turncoat, brother, and tonight, there's no one to watch his back against the Giant. The only people Hogan can rely on is all the little hulkamaniacs and "the man upstairs," brother.
The Giant is accompanied to the ring by Taskmaster and Jimmy Hart. As Hogan comes down to the ring alone, a much louder "Hogan Sucks" chant sounds. Hogan opens the match by choking the Giant, first with his wrist tape and then with his t-shirt. He goes for a bodyslam but its too early in the match and the Giant easily reverses. The Giant rips off Hogan's eyepatch but misses an elbow drop. Hogan leaps to his feet and calls for the bodyslam again. The Giant shifts his weight and drops down on Hogan in a lateral press, two count. The Giant hits a vertical suplex on Hogan and goes for the door. Hogan narrowly stops him. In retaliation, the Giant throws Hogan eye-first into the chainlink cage. The Giant locks on a bearhug that seems to last forever. The crowd gets loud, Hogan powers out, but the Giant shuts him down and hits him with a chokeslam. Hogan no-sells. Hogan throws the Giant into the cage, hits his finisher sequence and drops not one, not two, but three leg drops, all of which the Giant no-sells. Hogan panics and climbs the cage but the Giant follows closely after him. Hogan manages to throw him down and escape but he eats a chair from the Taskmaster. Hogan no-sells, takes the chair and heads back into the ring. The entire Dungeon of Doom, Meng, Barbarian, Shark, Zodiac, and One Man Gang, all run in. Hogan single-handedly beats them all down as the Giant escapes to the back. Suddenly, Loch Ness, the debuting Giant Haystacks, appears and tries to get involved but the entire Dungeon holds him back, closing the pay-per-view.
Brother Count: This might be a bit inaccurate, given Dusty Rhodes was on commentary and I wasn't paying the closest attention to him, but I count 17 brothers tonight. thats nearly a tenth of a brother per minute.
Did Hogan Go Over? Not in the match but, holy cow, the postmatch.
Best Move of the Show: Uh. Hmm. The gutwrench gutbuster from DDP in his match, I suppose. Not a whole lot of wrestling on this incredibly long show.
American Males Memorial Buff Bagwell Sighting: No rollin on up to the pay windah for Marcus tonight.
Most Incomprehensible Promo: A lot of competition in this category tonight. Between the Road Warriors' "apology" to the Heat, Flair's explanation of how he foiled Hogan's plot???, and the Giant screaming at the top of his lungs about how he was full of evil and was going to spew his evil all over Hogan's body, it was a pretty insane night. The winner though, as usual, has to go to Randy Savage for his "taking it to the next level" promo.
Next Time on Nitro: The fallout from Ric Flair's unprecedented 13th title win.
This show was so boring I had to watch it over the course of like four days. It wasn't even bad. Halloween Havoc 95 was bad. Wrestlemania 9 was bad. Hardcore Justice 2010 was bad. This was worse than those shows. Given how many stips and belts were on the line tonight, you'd think something interesting was bound to happen. The best part was my favorite wrestler leaving the company for good. That was the best part! I have ten pages of notes, more than any other show to date, but, aside from like the DDP/Badd match, nothing that happened in the match affected the finish. There's no point in recapping a match if nothing is going to happen in the match, whether good wrestling or psychology. What a colossal waste. They had Benoit, Malenko, Guerrero, Pillman, Earthquake, Liger, Konnan, and Regal all on the payroll. How could Kevin Sullivan and Eric Bischoff think this was quality programming? How was this beating Michaels and Stone Cold in the ratings? I don't get it.
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