Thank you for joining our capacity crowd in Winston-Salem, NC! Its a big show tonight here in Flair country and our first Nitro in two weeks. We'll meet our new WCW Television Champion, see the Road Warriors square off against the Nasty Boys, and witness the first ever Six-Man Double Strap Lumberjack match. That doesn't sound gimmicky at all.
Our first match tonight is between Hacksaw Jim Duggan and The Giant accompanied by Jimmy Hart. Duggan jumps The Giant before the bell but the Giant shrugs off all of his offense. The Giant hauls Duggan up and unceremoniously dumps him out the ring. Giant follows Duggan to the floor but Duggan is ready for him and throws a crossbody from the apron. The big, stinky Giant, however, catches the enormous Duggan in a bearhug and slams him against the ring post. Back in the ring, the Giant locks another bearhug on Duggan and starts squeezing the life out of him.
Meanwhile, there's a disturbance in the crowd. Security rushes to the barricade as a familiar blonde mop can be seen attacking fans and arena security guards. Bischoff leaves commentary to intercept Brian Pillman and he and security manage to haul him out of the arena before he can make it to the ring. Its a shoot, brother!
Back in the match, Duggan powers out of the bearhug and clears some space by biting the Giant on the nose. Duggan lariats the Giant to the floor but this barely fazes the seven-footer. He rolls back in and throws Hacksaw out! On the floor, Hacksaw tears up the duct tape holding the ringside mats to the concrete floor and tapes up his right hand. The Giant tramples the ref trying to interrupt Duggan but Duggan uses the bump to clock the Giant and knock him cold. With the referee still recovering, Jimmy Hart runs in and distracts Duggan, allowing both the ref and the Giant to get to their feet. The Giant chokeslams Hacksaw and picks up a three count.
Next, Mean Gene Okerlund is at ringside interviewing WCW NASCAR #29 driver Steve Grissom. Steve says that he's had a "pretty decent year." He came in fourth in a race on Saturday, which makes him third overall in the Bush series.
Our second match is the announced tag match between the Nasty Boys and the Road Warriors. When the music plays, however, its not the Nasty Boys coming to ringside. Motorcycles start roaring and the Steiner Brothers make their return to WCW. The Road Warriors announced earlier that they would wrestle anyone at any time so the match is still on, Steiners vs Road Warriors.
Scotty Steiner and Hawk start the match, going at each other pretty strong. Hawk lands some chops on Scott, Scott responds by arm dragging Hawk into oblivion. Scott hits a pumphandle slam and goes for a Frankensteiner but Hawk reverses. Scott hits a double underhook powerbomb and tags in Rick as Eric Bischoff informs us that Lex Luger would not be competing in the Chicago Street Fight at Uncensored. Animal comes in off the tag and takes it to the dog faced gremlin. Rick counters a strike and lariats Animal clean in half. Off a belly-to-belly suplex, Rick tags Scott in, Scott lays Animal out with a Northern Lights Suplex. for two. Scott hauls Animal up and drapes him in the tree of woe, drops to the floor, and chokes him. The crowd is solidly behind the Road Warriors as the Steiners build to the hot tag. Scott clamps a camel clutch on Animal when Hawk breaks it up. Rick in off a tag, the clutch is reapplied but the ref pulls the two men apart. Rick quickly tags Scott back in and he dropkicks Animal. Scott and Animal hit each other with clotheslines simultaneously, sprawling both men. The hot tag is made, Hawk comes in and clears the ring of the Steiners. The Road Warriors hit the Doomsday Device on Rick, Scott breaks up the pin and drags Animal to the floor. The Steiners go for a Doomsday Device of their own to no avail. Scott calls for a Frankensteiner again and hits it on Animal, only picking up a one count. Animal cheats and nails Rick with a spiked shoulder pad and picks up the pin. Postmatch, the Steiners cut a promo on the Road Warriors and Rick says that "this ain't the end."
Next up is Lex Luger vs Das Wunderkind Alex Wright. Lex beat Johnny B. Badd on Saturday to win the TV Title, explaining why he wont be competing with Sting on the pay-per-view. Is the Chicago Street Fight still a title match? Who knows! All we know is Johnny B. Badd is gone forever.
Luger and Wright lock up. Wright is controlling the match, going high risk and keeping Luger on the ropes. Luger grabs a handful of tights and throws Wright to the floor to shift momentum. Luger hits a military press slam and continues putting the boots to Wright. Wright powers back, Luger cheats. This repeats over and over and over for the length of the match. Wright goes up for a moonsault, Jimmy Hart runs down and pulls Wright off the turnbuckle. Luger pins him for three and celebrates in the ring.
Finally we come to the six-man, double strap, lumberjack match. Arn Anderson, Ric Flair, and the Taskmaster facing off against Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and the Booty Man. There are literally 20 lumberjacks at ringside, including Loch Ness and the Giant. This is an absolute mess. Nothing in this match makes any sense. Its mostly impossible to follow.
The match begins before the ref can put the straps on anyone. Hulk almost immediately hulks up and does his moves to Flair. The lumberjacks are all fighting among themselves at ringside. Kimberly comes down to ringside again. Flair tries to escape but Animal drags him back to the ring. In retaliation, Hogan leaves the ring and starts beating up lumberjacks. Hogan lashes Flair's hands together with the strap and whips him back and forth around the ring. Hogan finally puts this show out of its misery and drops the leg on Flair for a three count.
We go off the air with an interview with the bad guys. Sullivan builds the triple-cage Doomsday match at Uncensored. Arn Anderson says, "Nothing here tonight even vaguely resembled wrestling."
Brother Count: No brothers! No brothers!
Did Hogan Go Over? Of course, its a strap match. You know how good Hogan is at strap matches, especially ones where straps never get attached to anyone. Whip matches.
The Pepe Award for Pepe's Costume: The little guy is dressed up like a wizard this week.
Move of the Show: The Frankensteiner is pretty slick but also the northern lights suplex Scott hit was sweet too.
American Males Memorial Buff Bagwell Sighting: Tonight marks our fourth Buff-less week and the hole in my heart grows larger and larger.
Randy Savage Award for Least Comprehensible Promo: This week's Savage Award goes to the utterly bizarre and kind of surreal WCW Hotline promo vid featuring Heenan and Okerlund hiding in closets and coat racks and stuff to overhear things wrestlers were saying to each other. What happened to Heenan's "guy who hides" from Clash of the Champions?
Mongo Sucks: Mongo was totally unoffensive but Heenan dropped this one off from the way-back machine: "Jim Duggan looks like Bob Newhart compared to the Giant!" Far be it for me to say Heenan Sucks, dropping a Bob Newhart reference in '96 is eye-opening to say the least.
Broski of the Week: This one suffers a bit from being a plant but the dude holding the Pillman 4 Prez sign and also the dudes holding the enormous "CALL BRIAN 1-900-288-PILL" banner take it easily. I wonder if an indie wrestler today could pull off having a 1-900 hotline.
Next Week on TNT: I don't know
WCW Uncensored on PPV, 3/24: So far the card is Robert Parker vs Madusa in an intergender match, the Chicago Street Fight between Sting & ? and the Road Warriors, Konnan vs Eddie for the US title, and the dreaded triple-cage Doomsday match involving Hogan, the Horsemen, and the Dungeon.
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