Ladies and gentlemen, we are the only live wrestling broadcast on monday night! Tonight all the titles are on the line in a tag team match between the Giant & Ric Flair and Sting & Luger. If someone pins Flair, he loses the World title. If someone pins Luger, they win the Television title. Whoever wins the match wins the tag team titles. Macho Man is in the building and he wants to murder Flair! There are police in the building to restrain Macho! It's a big night!
First up is Public Enemy versus No Moon Landing favorites, the American Males. The Males take it to the Enemies early on, outwrestling the hardcore bruisers. They throw dropkicks and planchas and armdrags and hip tosses but Public Enemy power out and start winning in a clean wrestling match. After a while of playing face-in-peril, Bagwell rolls out of the way off Rocco's moonsault, gets the hot tag, and Scotty Riggs cleans house. Grunge comes back and hauls Riggs over the top rope, drawing the DQ. Riggs lands on a ringside table and Public Enemy put him through it via an assisted senton plancha.
Our next match is the Canadian Crippler Chris Benoit vs Eddy Guerrero, or as Bischoff repeatedly calls him, Andy Guerrero. They lock up, Guerrero throws Benoit around with arm drags, so Benoit powders out. This match is pure chain wrestling at a breakneck pace. WCW screws up the pace by cutting to commercial midmatch. We return to a rest hold. Benoit throws a gorgeous german suplex. Meanwhile, the commentators are refusing to call the match, talking about literally everything else. Bischoff calls Guerrero's hurricanrana a "flying necktie takedown," and Benoit reverses a sunset flip into a pin, picking up the win using the ropes for leverage.
We cut to Mean Gene Okerlund interviewing WCW VP Rob Garner. Garner has come down to the arena to talk about Macho Man's behavior. Through the show to this point, Macho Man has become more and more belligerent towards the police. As Garner starts to speak, Macho runs down. Garner threatens him with suspension and other repercussions if he attacks anyone outside of a match. Macho Man threatens to "blow up city hall," and insists that he's gonna do whatever he wants to do.
The third match of the evening is a bout between Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Meng of the Faces of Fear. Hacksaw jumps Meng before the match. This is a match with no moves. Its just two dudes slowly brawling without anything resembling psychology. Meng does the Samoan skull spot and some Superfly mannerisms. Hacksaw goes to nail Meng with the 2x4 and eats a superkick for his trouble. He rolls out of the ring, tapes his fist, knocks Meng out with a big right and picks up the pin.
Finally, we reach the tag team title match. Macho jumps Flair as he makes his entrance. The police run out and arrest Macho Man, escorting him from the premises. Flair then goes over and hits on Debra some more, with her looking less and less disgusted by it by the week. The bell rings and this match is exactly what you'd expect it to be. After a long while of a Lex Luger and Sting match happening, Woman gets her coffee locked and loaded. She sneaks it into the ring to Flair. He throws it at Luger but catches the Giant in the eyes. The ref sees it and throws the match out. Giant starts chokeslamming everyone in his rage. Flair runs away. The Giant grabs a mic and calls Flair out. Flair, up at commentary, tries to apologize, but the Giant is having none of it. Flair then says, next week, title match, he's gonna beat the Giant's "big ass."
Brother Count: Exactly one, very macho, brother.
Did Hogan Go Over? He did not appear!
The Pepe Award for Pepe's Costume: Those glasses with the eyes on springs that pop out and jiggle around.
American Males Memorial Buff Bagwell Sighting: Buff had a match this week and a plug for his NEW MOVIE.
The I Love the 90s Award for Relevancy: During the Hacksaw match, Heenan: "This is WCW not Bob Villa on Home Improvement."
The Tony Schiavone Award for Putting Butts in Seats: Raw results for tonight: Goldust def. Savio Vega, Mankind def. Aldo Montoya, Vader def. Phatu. Bischoff made a big deal about how gay Goldust was.
Broski of the Week: The kid pelvic thrusting in time to Sting's music.
Next Week: Flair vs The Giant for the belt!
Slamboree: Throughout the show tonight they announced the teams for the Lethal Lottery heading into the Battlebowl they're calling Lord of the Ring. The prize for Lord of the Ring is a literal ring and also a title shot. The teams and matches they announced:
Hugh Morris & Meng vs Barbarian & Bobby Walker
Stevie Ray & Big Bubba Rogers vs Fire and Ice (Scott Norton & Ice Train)
Ric Flair & Macho Man vs Arn Anderson & Eddy Guerrero
Dancing Fools (Alex Wright & Disco Inferno) vs Dick Slater & Earl of Eaton Bobby Eaton
Steven Regal & Belfast Bruiser vs VK Wallstreet & Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Public Enemy are also scheduled to compete. Still have no idea what the date is.
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