The Lethal Lottery is a single elimination ostensibly random seed tournament with 16 teams. When only four teams remain, those 8 men compete in a battle royal, with over-the-top-rope eliminations and pins/submissions legal, known as the Battlebowl. The winner of the Battlebowl is pronounced Lord of the Ring. Here's the bracket:
Our first match is a real doozy with partner on partner in Animal & Booker T vs Hawk & Lex Luger. Hawk and Booker T are squabbling as Animal and Lex start the match. Animal almost immediately no-sells a vertical suplex and tags in Booker. Book throws down a Spinaroonie, hits the sidekick for a near fall. He locks in a chinlock, followed by the scissor kick but Hawk makes the save for the pin. Lex jumps in an attacks Hawk over the save. Animal joins Hawk and they wail on Lex and brawl to the floor. Its a double count out finish. That's right. This sucked.
Next up, the whole crowd is doing the Public Enemy arm wave-y dance as they make their way down to the ring for their match against the Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan and his partner Chris Benoit. Rocco Rock and Chris Benoit lock up as Dusty points out that this match favors Benoit and Taskmaster as it doesn't feature Public Enemy's signature plunder. Whenever Benoit throws up four fingers, the crowd pops. He hits a powerbomb on the heel Enemy and hollers, "Never mess with the Horsemen!" Grunge tags in, Sullivan starts attacking Rocco on the outside as plunder begins to enter the equation. Rocco sets Taskmaster up on the Timekeeper's table and starts to go for the senton plancha but Benoit cuts him off with a lariat. Rock hits Benoit with a vertical suplex from the ring to the floor. Both Taskmaster and Benoit are now set up on the ringside table. Rocco throws an assisted senton plancha. Taskmaster manages to get mostly out of the way but Benoit is sent crashing through the table. Rocco picks up the easy pin on an unconscious Benoit as the Taskmaster is stopped by Jimmy Hart as he tries to break up the pin.
Match three: Craig "Pitbull" Pittman, and his manager Teddy Long, & Scott Steiner vs The Booty Man, accompanied by the Booty Babe, & Rick Steiner. Its brother against brother here, tonight. "Bring me my medicine!" say Dusty, with regard to Kimberly, the Booty Babe. Booty Man and Pittman lock up. Kimberly is incredibly distracting. "He looks like Montel Williams," Brain says about Teddy Long. Scott tags in, hits Booty Man with a tiger bomb, immediately tags out. Tag tags in and hits a belly-to-belly on Pittman. Pittman follows up with probably the worst german suplex ever thrown by man. Pittman gets knocked loopy and tags out. Its Steiner vs Steiner in the ring now. They mat wrestle for a while, the crowd getting behind Rick, they constantly counter each other's moves. Rick goes high risk and pays for it with a super fisherman's suplex. The Steiners both tag out. Pittman locks his Code Red armbar on the Booty Man but Booty Man gets back to Rick. Pittman eats a sloppy german from Rick, but Rick gets the fall regardless. Kimberly is very distracting.
Our next match is our second "existing tag team" tag team in Lord Steven Regal & Squire Dave Taylor, the Bluebloods, up against Hacksaw Jim Duggan and VK Wallstreet. Wallstreet walks down to the ring wearing a three piece suit but quickly removes it, revealing his dollar sign-clad singlet. Regal works the crowd like no one else, prompting a dude to yell, "Get out of here, motherfucker!" Live on tape! There are loud USA chants in response to both Regal's work and Hacksaw's gimmick. Hacksaw is perplexing. After a bit of nothing match, Hacksaw tries to tag in Wallstreet, but Wallstreet refuses. Hacksaw decks Wallstreet, tapes his fist, and knocks Taylor out with a big right hand, picking up the three.
Dirty Dick Slater & Robert, Earl of Eaton are wrestling the team of Disco Inferno & Alex Wright. This is a complete nothing match. Disco is way more concerned with dancing that with wrestling. Slater knocks Disco out with his cowboy boot, three count, over. Nothing.
In another tag team partner vs tag team partner match its Diamond Dallas Page & Barbarian vs Meng & Hugh Morrus. Hugh Morrus is the worst. Hugh throws a plancha after the start of the match that misses. He splats into the floor and it looks really rough. The Faces of Fear then square off and its awesome. These are two impressive dudes. In the match, DDP botches a top rope spot with Morrus so they just start the spot over again. Its still real to me. Morrus hits a moonsault on Barbarian, and in a rare showing of team work, DDP successfully makes the save. Both teams start to brawl. After twin samoan headbutts, Barbarian pins Morrus while, simultaneously, Meng pins DDP. With the double pin, the referee awards the match to DDP and Barbarian for some reason.
In another nothing match, we see Fire & Ice squaring off against Big Bubba Rogers, who is now inexplicably dressed as a biker, & Stevie Ray of the Harlem Heat. Bubba picks up two off of the Waterwheel Slam. Ice Train gets two off of a banzai drop. There's the double clothesline tag spot and Norton makes the "hot" tag. Bubba throws some huge punches at Norton but Fire & Ice overwhelm him and get the pin off a double shoulder block. Somehow the finishes get worse.
In the final match of round 1 competition, we have Eddy Guerrero & the Enforcer Arn Anderson vs the Nature Boy Ric Flair & the Macho Man Randy Savage. Flair doesn't come out when his music plays, but Macho does. AA starts putting the boots to Mach' as Flair runs down the ramp to join in. Eddy tries to break things up to have a fair match. The bell rings and Eddy goes after Flair as Woman and Liz sneak their way down to ringside. Flair tags out and AA tags in so Anderson can pound on Savage. Savage fights back but gets hit with the AA Spinebuster for his trouble, but the Enforcer can only pick up a two count. The crowd loves Eddy as he tags in against Flair. Savage jumps the ropes and attacks Flair. Eddy tries to break it up but Arn Anderson stops him with a DDT. Flair quickly pins Eddy to end the match, Flair and Savage advance. On the outside, Flair and Anderson set Savage up, and Liz slaps him down. Anderson hits his DDT on Savage on the floor as Flair gives a bouquet to Woman.
The Hooter Girls come out with Mean Gene and Gene performs the ritual of the random drawing. Fire & Ice get a BYE, Dirty Dick & Bobby Eaton will face Hacksaw & VK Wallstreet, Public Enemy will face Macho & Flair, and DDP & Barbarian will face Booty Man & Rick Steiner. Here's the bracket for the second round:
But first, we have the Cruiserweight title match, Dean Malenko vs Brad Armstrong. Dean Malenko won the Cruiserweight strap off of Otani at some point recently, presumably in New Japan. This match starts off with chain wrestling, as you would expect from the master of a thousand holds. The real match begins with an enziguri from Armstrong. Malenko, however, totally rules. He is working heel this match and really working over Armstrong's leg, locking in a leg bar. Slingshot knee drop, stepover toe holds, more knee drops, just working the heck out of that leg. Malenko sets him up in the tree of woe, and dropkicks his knee. Anderson picks up a quick two count from a sunset flip. Meanwhile, the announcers are burying the match, talking about the spanish announce team, Pedro Morales and Migue Alonso. Back in the ring, Malenko gets greedy and goes for another kneedrop but eats one of Anderson's boots instead. Anderson looks like he's starting to take control, but he's hobbled. He hits a top rope dropkick and locks in the Texas Cloverleaf. Not about to tap to his own hold, Malenko makes it to the ropes. Armstrong heads up the high rent district, but Malenko counters. He pulls him up into his arms and drops him with a top rope gutbuster for the win. The crowd goes mild. Heenan totally buried that relatively excellent match.
The first match in round 2 Lethal Lottery action is the much anticipated Dirty Dick Slater & Robert, Earl of Eaton vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan and VK Wallstreet match! Hacksaw opens the match by attacking Wallstreet. They brawl until Dirty Dick and Eaton try to break it up. Hacksaw & Wallstreet pause momentarily to dump Slater & Eaton out of the ring, before resuming their brawl. Wallstreet hurls Duggan to the floor and a recovered Dick Slater picks a two count up off a side russian leg sweep. "What a match we are seeing here," monotones Tony. Hacksaw, back on his feet, picks up two off the worst lariat ever. "What competition we are seeing here!" says the least enthusiastic Tony Schiavone while Dusty chuckles. Wallstreet accidentally potatoes Hacksaw so Hacksaw knocks Wallstreet out. Bobby Eaton rolls him up and skedaddles out of the ring with the win. Hacksaw continues to beat Wallstreet up after the bell. A dude named Dirty Dick has made it to Battlebowl.
Our second round two match up is Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge, the Public Enemy vs Macho Man Randy Savage & Ric Flair. Public Enemy make their way to ringside while the entire crowd does their dance. Next, Flair comes out with the women, the money, and the pyro. Macho jumps him during his entrance. Like ten security dudes come out to try and break it up plus a bunch of wrestlers including Eddy Guerrero, Scotty Riggs, Pitbull Pitman, and Marcus Alexander Bagwell. Flair and Macho keep brawling. Public Enemy win via countout/forfeit. This sucks.
Just remember, Liger vs Konnan is still to come! But first, Diamond Dallas Page & Barbarian vs the Booty Man & Rick Steiner. Gosh dang, Kimberly. DDP taunts the former Diamond Doll leading the Booty Man to hit him with a... collar and elbow lockup. DDP falls out of the ring and gets tangled in a bunch of camera cables leading him to take a crisp backbump off them. A back bump. Off of being strangled by cables. Booty Man rolls to the floor after him and chokes him out with the cables. They get back in the ring and wrestle for a bit. Barbarian tags in and gets hit with the high knee, DDP makes the save. Booty Man botches an o'connor roll, DDP makes the save again. Barbarian wins with a lateral press. He does no move. DDP hits Booty Man with a double axe handle and Barbarian just lays down on top of Booty. That's the finish. What is happening with this show. There are six heels and Fire & Ice in the Battlebowl, if you're keeping count.
For our next title match, Mike Tenay has come up to commentary to replace Dusty for one match. Jushin "Thunder" Liger gets pyro for his entrance as Mike Tenay name drops the New Japan Pro Wrestling promotion. Konnan is wearing his mask and a Texas flag poncho. Tenay is such a dork. He talks about how, in order to keep up in the 90s, wrestling needs to learn from mixed martial arts and start using more grounded submission maneuvers: Armbars, legbars, and other holds. Konnan and Liger chain wrestle to a standoff. This match totally rules so much. There's a ton of submission wrestling that is fairly difficult to call. Brain is completely burying this match while Tenay is the most excited dude just trying to call everything. Liger gets a two count off a brainbuster. Tenay says that Liger has an anime in Japan. Tenay is a dork. Konnan reverses a cross armbreaker into a stepover toehold abdominal stretch. Liger is a seven-time IWGP Jr Heavyweight champ, Konnan's tights have AAA on them even though no one is allowed to mention AAA. Liger counters a tight submission into some brutal mounted punches. Both men get to their feet and have a palm strike exchange with Liger getting the better of it. He sets Konnan up on the top rope and superplexes him down. Liger goes back up to the top turnbuckle and splashes him. He only gets a two count for his trouble. Liger then knocks Konnan to the outside, goes to the top turnbuckle, and tries a top rope-to-floor plancha. Konnan calls it and counters with a dropkick to Liger's legs as he hurtles toward him. They head back into the ring, Liger hits a quick belly-to-back but doesnt go for the pin. He instead brings him up and hits the Fisherman's Buster. Two count only. Konnan powers back and rolls Liger up for 2.999. Liger counters the Splash Mountain Powerdrop, a crucifix powerbomb, into a stacked up pin for two. Liger just going for quick pins, roll ups, small packages, school boys, etc. Konnan kicks out of a Liger Bomb to a loud Konnan chant. Liger goes up and tries for the splash again but eats Konnan's knees. Konnan manages to hit the Splash Mountain Powerdrop this time and pins Liger for the win. Rad match.
Mean Gene comes out to interview Ric Flair who is accompanied by Woman, Miss Elizabeth, and the Enforcer, Arn Anderson. Flair says that Macho Man is locked up in county, "He's one flew over the cuckoo's nest, he's gone!" Flair then invites Gene to a "combination Pajama/Lingerie party." Flair calls out Mongo McMichaels. He says that Mongo has asked him to back off but, "I can't back off if I've got your wife in my back pocket." Mongo does a run-in, prompting Flair to hide behind Arn. Flair challenges Mongo and a football player of Mongo's choice in a tag team match against Flair and his heavy, Anderson. Mongo accepts and brings out Kevin Greene who chases Flair into the back. Mongo has a real good look for wrestling without his glasses.
It is Battlebowl time! Scott Norton vs Ice Train vs Dirty Dick Slater vs Robert, Earl of Eaton vs Rocco Rock vs Johnny Grunge vs Diamond Dallas Page vs Barbarian. They are kind of telegraphing the finish here, but whatever. A plodding battle royal ensues. Early on DDP skins the cat, he touches one foot on the floor like Shawn Michaels. Tony keeps screaming that DDP is eliminated and Heenan keeps telling him to shut up. This match is so slow, why use these eight men in a battle royal? What were they thinking. Rocco gets eliminated by Barbarian via a back drop. Bobby Eaton gets eliminated by Dick Slater via a shoe to the head. After Bobby gets eliminated, he goes after Colonel Robert Parker. Dirty Dick eliminates himself to protect his manager. Scott Norton is eliminated by Page via punches. DDP diamond cuts the remaining three people and pins Johnny Grunge and Ice Train. Barbarian kicks out at two. He gets to his feet and levels DDP with a lariat for a two count of his own. He tombstone piledrives Dallas, picks up two, and locks in a sleeper hold. DDP hits Barbarian with a low blow to escape from the hold. Barbarian hauls DDP up for a powerbomb, hits it, gets a two count. Page is playing the plucky babyface in this match for some reason. DDP hits a diamond cutter out of nowhere and gets the three count. Diamond Dallas Page is Lord of the Ring, gets his prize, and is named number one contender.
Backstage, in the locker room area, Mean Gene Okerlund is interviewing the Giant and Jimmy Hart. It's revealed that Jimmy Hart will be handcuffed to Lex Luger during the match. The Giant says Sting has been a cockroach in his apple pie and calls out DDP after he's done with the Stinger.
Michael Buffer announces the man they call Sting vs the Giant. Sting is a great babyface. The Giant runs through all his spots and locks in a body scissors submission hold on Sting. He uses the ropes for leverage until the ref catches him and breaks the hold. Giant tries to chokeslam Sting through a ringside table, but Luger blocks it by putting Jimmy Hart on the table instead. Back in the ring, the Giant tries for a dropkick but whiffs it. Sting bumps the ref trying to take advantage. After the ref bump, Luger climbs the steps, still handcuffed to Hart. Giant grabs Luger in a chokeslam. Sting Stinger Splashes him free and knocks the Giant down. Luger sets Jimmy up for the Stinger Splash but Jimmy manages to escape, leaving Sting to Stinger Splash the empty turnbuckle, knocking him out and sending him headfirst into the Giant's crotch. The referee gets back to his feet in time for Sting to do two top rope splashes. He gets a two count and the ref gets bumped again. Meanwhile, on the apron, Luger and Hart are playing tug of war with Jimmy's megaphone as Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock. Luger and Hart lose control of the megaphone. It hits Sting and knocks him out of the hold. Giant gets up, hits Sting with the chokeslam, and the ref counts three. No belts changed hands tonight. In the credits, Bischoff is credited as Senior Vice President and Executive Producer.
Brother Count: Just one from Dusty early in the show.
Move of the Show: Oh jeez there's so many to pick from. Either Booty Man's O'Connor roll or Barbarian's lateral press.
American Males Memorial Buff Bagwell Sighting: Marcus Alexander was there tonight, breaking up Flair and Savage's brawl. Always mark for Buff.
Dusty Rules: Dream on the concept of split screen: "You got dual deals. Haha, yeah dual deals... You got a big ol TV screen at home, you got two other ones inserted in the middle of it. That's progress."
Broski of the Week: There's a dude with a homemade WCW v-neck half shirt in the crowd. Its so bad even Heenan said, "Nice shirt." at this dude.
Tomorrow Night on Nitro: Tony said its gonna be a 90 minute show but he's not the most credible dude.
Meanwhile, That Very Night: At a house show, up north, in Madison Square Garden, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, the former Terra Ryzing, wrestled Razor Ramon and the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels wrestled Diesel. These were the last matches Ramon and Diesel would have in WWF, as their contracts ran out. After the Diesel/Michaels match, babyface Razor came down to the ring and hugged babyface Shawn Michaels. Heel Helmsley ran down next and hugged Razor Ramon, who he had wrestled earlier. Heel Diesel then joined and the four men, the kliq, group hugged there. The Curtain Call. Kayfabe was broken and Vincent Kennedy McMahon was enraged. As there was nothing he could do to Diesel or Razor, and Michaels was in the middle of a main event push, the hammer fell on Hunter. He was scheduled to win the King of the Ring that year but he was now bumped in favor of an ex-WCW guy, Steve Austin. As for Razor and Diesel, they walked out and they went down south.
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