The wrestling fan grannies are out in fine form tonight in Daytona Beach for Bash in the Beach 96! Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes, and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan are with us tonight, no one knows where Eric Bischoff is. A blockbuster show is promised, culminating in the huge Hostile Takeover match in the main event!
First up, bring Mike Tenay out to commentary because its a couple of foreigners! Psicosis squares off against Rey Misterio, Jr. Out the gates, Rey locks in a half crab. Psicosis gets to the ropes and transitions into a crucifix. Rey hits a wheelbarrow armdrag. Rey throws a springboard moonsault but eats a spin kick and falls to ringside. Psicosis hits Rey with a tope suicida over the top rope and ends up spiking himself straight down into the concrete, under the barricade. Back in the ring, Psicosis picks up two off a leg drop followed by a guillotine leg drop. Psicosis does some really innovative leg drops for near falls. This serves to wear Misterio down. Off the apron, Rey monkey flips Psicosis into the ring post and down to the floor followed by a running hurricanrana off the apron. He then hits, now take a deep breath, a springboard hurricanrana pin. Like some kind of insane spike piledriver, but only gets two off it. Rey now wearing Psicosis down. These two guys are incredible workers. Psicosis drops a leg from the top rope to the floor and it looks gross. He lands hip first on the concrete and it looks really bad for him. Tony and Brain claim Tenay is making up the name of moves. Asai moonsault, hurricanrana, tope suicida, and so forth. Dusty defends him though! A flying leg scissors from Rey tales Psicosis down and to the outside. When Psicosis gets back to the apron, Rey hits him with another leg scissors, this time from the top rope to the floor. Psicosis is by far taking the most of the shoot damage here and it shows. The crowd is going nuts for this match while Brain is trying to bury it. The crowd absolutely loves Rey. Rey throws a corkscrew Asai moonsault to the floor. He goes for the springboard 'rana pin again but Psicosis counters into a huge powerbomb for two. Psicosis hauls Rey up but Rey counters the super splash mountain into a super hurricanrana for the win in an amazing match.
Backstage, Konnan is being interviewed by Mean Gene. He says Flair is overconfident but he has reason to be confident, he's been everywhere and done everything. He's going to try his best and specifically calls out Arn, Woman and Mongo as non-factors in the match.
Eric Bischoff is still missing as we begin the second match, the Carson City Silver Dollar on a Pole Match. The pole is impossibly high. Like it's gotta be 12 feet above the ring. There's no way two fat guys are gonna be able to climb that high so the finish is already pretty telegraphed. Big Bubba (No Trouble) is accompanied to the ring by Jimmy Hart. The match is plodding as both guys gas out immediately. Tenta is mostly working Bubba's balls during the match. Tenta begins to unstrap the pole, defeating the purpose of a pole match. Bubba takes off his belt and strangles Tenta with it, whipping him, finally taping him to the ropes. Big Bubba produces a pair of scissors. Tenta works the balls some more and manages to get the scissors, freeing himself from the ropes. Tenta contunes releasing the straps, but Bubba jumps him. Jimmy Hart then commences climbing the pole. That's right, Jimmy Hart. After Jimmy Hart brings them back to the ground, John Tenta steals the silver dollars and whacks Bubba with them for three. This was so bad.
Team WCW, Macho Man Randy Savage, Lex Luger, and the man they call Sting, are with Gene O. wearing their war paint. Macho cuts a cool promo about fighting all comers. Luger says actions speak louder than words. Luger says actions speak louder than words. Sting says that the team is pumped to face the unknown factor, the third man.
The next match is the taped fist match between Diamond Dallas Page and Hacksaw Jim Duggan. DDP oversells in plumb DDP style. DDP tapes Hacksaw to the turnbuckle but the ref immediately unties him. DDP really sucks at selling, he's such a ham it takes away from the match. He hits the Diamond Cutter for 3, the stipulation never comes into play. After the match, Hacksaw tapes his fist and KOs DDP.
Taskmaster and the Giant are interviewed. The Giant says Taskmaster isn't the weak link in the Dungeon. Was that ever in question? Pretty sure the question was, "Is Benoit the weak link in the Horsemen." Oh well.
Lee Marshall interviews the Enforcer Arn Anderson and the Crippler Chris Benoit. If the Horsemen win their match against the Dungeon tonight, they win a shot against the Giant's belt on Nitro. AA calls out the Outsiders but first things come first, the Dungeon. Benoit, meanwhile, cannot talk to save his life.
It is time to get Nasty. Saggs is chained to Rocco Rock, Knobbs to Johnny Grunge. Here are the highlights from this match: Knobbs brains Grunge with an inflatable sharks and Grunge sells it; There is a completely unsold piledriver on the concrete. That's it those are the highlights. Three count after Grunge's collar falls off. This was so boring. They keep brawling post-match. Why did this match exist? Was the Nasty/Enemy feud so hot in 96? The Public Enemy's little dances were over at least.
Everyone is welcome to Disco's Dance Party! In his match against Dean Malenko, Dean puts on an absolute clinic. Everything he does is so smooth and crisp. It looks effortless. Disco kicks out of a brainbuster. After getting the tar beat out of him for like five minutes, Disco, ostensibly the heel, mounts a babyface comeback. His folly, however, is he keeps dancing instead of making pins. Disco turns Dean inside out with a lariat. A double underhook powerbomb from Dean transitions into the cloverleaf for the win by submission.
Next up is Desperado Joe Gomez vs Steve "Mongo" McMichael. Mongo comes out with a dog but it is a poodle. Not Pepe. Repeat, a poodle, not Pepe. Brain feels betrayed. Us too, Brain. Mongo isn't in great shape. Most of his moves are ostensibly football things and strikes. Mongo hits Gomez with a mule kick to the balls. This match is too long, both men totally suck. Mongo looks entirely lost, not quite a ring warrior. Gomez's list of spots looped, performing the same spots over and over. Mongo finally wins with a tombstone.
Okerlund interviews Flair, Liz, and Woman. Flair sings La Cucaracha and racistly calls out Konnan. He says Konnan is good but he possess unlimited knowledge of the greatest sport in the world. Woman also owns, seducing Gene.
The match between Konnan and Ric Flair for the US Championship opens with a show of sportsmanship followed by a lockup and over/under spot. This is a match you've seen a thousand times but no one does it quite like Flair. Konnan locks Flair up in a Mexican surfboard and turns it into "a bow-and-arrow situation," thanks Dusty. Flair spills to the floor, Konnan sets up a running knee, apron to floor. Woman and Miss Elizabeth get in the way. Konnan does the spot anyway right through the women, knocking Flair and Liz to the ground. Konnan then goes for a top rope to floor crossbody but Woman knocks him down. Flair pokes Konnan's eye and while the ref chastises Flair, Woman rolls into the ring and low-blows Konnan. Flair throws Konnan to the floor where Woman gouges his eyes. Woman is really involved in this match. Flair hits Konnan with a stalled vertical suplex for two into a chinlick. Konnan powers out, mounted punches, Flair flops. Konnan knocks Flair to the floor with a springboard dropkick. Flair gets back in the ring and takes control again. Figure Four into a small package for two, but Konnan follows up with a Figure Four of his own. Flair gets to the ropes, though. The next exchange is a running bulldog for two, followed by a lariat for two, both from Konnan. Konnan rolls Flair up but the ref is distracted by Liz, visual pin attained. Flair runs Konnan into the ropes where Woman gouges his eyes with her shoe. Reminder that this situation blinded Hogan for like a month. Flair picks up the pin with his feet on the ropes, three count, new champ.
Next match up is the Horsemen vs Dungeon match with a shot at the Giant's belt on the line. Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit are jumped by the Giant and Kevin Sullivan during their entrance. Mongo runs in and makes the save, drawing the Giant to the back, leaving Sullivan in a two-on-one situation. Giant finally returns to the ring as the bell rings. The Horsemen cut the Taskmaster down. Sullivan, the babyface, starts getting the heat. The psychology of this match doesn't make sense, as the Giant breaks up Anderson's DDT. AA isn't athletic enough for some of the spots. The hot tag is attained and the match breaks down. The Giant wins with the chokeslam for three while Benoit and Sullivan brawl around the stage. The Giant skeddadles while the Horsemen run wild on Sullivan. Woman does a run in and pleads with Chris not to hurt the Taskmaster. Is this a case of booking to the smarks or was the Benoit/Woman/Sullivan thing a WCW Saturday Night angle too? Who cares. The Giant finally makes the save and carries Sullivan out.
We are then treated to a jazzy recap of the hostile takeover to date.
Michael Buffer does his usual, long-winded ring announcement. The Outsiders are out first and we are introduced to them as Hall and Nash for the first time. They come out alone, no third man yet. Gene O. does a run in and asks the Outsiders where the third man is. "He's here and he's ready." Luger, Sting, and Macho Man come out next, in that order. Luger and Hall square off but the match breaks down immediately. Sting hits a Stinger Splash that catches both Nash and Luger, knocking Luger out. They stretcher Luger out and everything, leaving the match even: Nash and Hall vs Stinger and Savage. Sting stomps the tar outta Hall, Macho and Nash tag in. They build the heat on Mach' until he takes a bad, kinda scary, bump and tags out. The Outsiders overpower Sting. Tony demands that another WCW guy replace Luger. Sting gets the heat next. He gets a visual pin over Hall. There's a lot of drama in this match. Macho goes and gets a chair but it gets taken away. Sting powers up, hot tag, Savage runs wild, drops double axe handles.
A new WCW guy runs from the back to replace Luger. Oh my god, its Hulk Hogan! He's coming to fight off the Outsiders! He enters the ring where the Outsiders have laid out Savage. "But who's side is he on???" He drops the immortal leg on Savage. He was the third man after all. People start throwing trash at Hogan as Mean Gene enters the ring, allowing Hogan to cut the promo of a lifetime to raucous booing. This, brother, is the New World Order of professional wrestling.
"Hulk Hogan you can go to hell. We're out of here. Straight to hell."
Brother Count: 12
Amigo Count: 1
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