the show kicks off with a poem dedicated to the memory of those lost on 9/11. i looked up the poet and all his poems that aren't this one are about slaughtering arab people as revenge. a song that sounds like the rite of spring but decidedly is not plays. that cuts into an extremely long montage of spots from prior czw shows set to horrible, horrible nu metal.
a promo happens in the parking lot with chris cash, nate webb, and jc bailey. the audio is so bad i can't make out a single word any of them say. they're all wearing stupid necklaces though.
there's a blkout promo next, i really like the blkout gimmick and robbie mireno's delivery. the show starts.
h8 club vs blkout cage match
immediately nate hatred drags sabian out of the ring.
hatred is destroying tiny lil sabian but the camera misses like every spot. hatred is going to kill sabian. i dont know how it happened but hatred and sabian ended up in the ring and ruckus and nick gage are outside. "hatred chopped him so hard i think he's white now"
hatred no sells a sabian chairshot. sabian climbs to the top of the cage, dropkicks hatred from the top, hatred no sells it. hatred snap germans sabian off the top of the cage.
ruckus and gage are in the ring now and hatred and sabian are out of the ring. nick gage's big comeback is an atomic drop, two stinger splashes, and a rolling elbow. omg nate hatred spends like gage's entire comeback building this stupid, surprisingly stable, platform out of chairs and tables. he climbs the cage and ruckus just pushes him off onto it. there have been so many dives off the top of the cage and sabian looks none too happy about doing any of them. while i am generally speaking a fan of people dangerously dropping each other on their heads, nate hatred rubs me the wrong way. hatred does this spot that's like a reverse alabama slam into the cage with tiny lil sabian. "it looks like a street corner in fallujah in there." hatred hits sabian with the decapitator, gage hits both ruckus and sabian with the chokebreaker. nick gage does his facewash spot through the cage door and it looks awesome. hatred sets ruckus up on a table, nick gage climbs to the top of the cage. robbie mireno runs in, hatred switches ruckus out for mireno on the table, nick gage senton's off the top of the cage. wifebeater and justice pain run in and lay out the h8 club. they take off their shirts to reveal old h8 club shirts underneath. the old h8 club impale robbie mireno on a table leg and the match just ends.
"wifebeater's brother in law" brings the old h8 club a mic. justice pain says he's the better brother. wifebeater looks like a psychopath. wifebeater's brother in law sucks. "we've got a bunch of stupid shit-goats and cows." that's how he turns the old h8 club heel, by calling the crowd shit-goats. pain revokes the name "h8 club" from gage and hatred. while the original h8 club leave, the cage door breaks. pain tries to slam the door on hatred's head but fails, because he broke the door trying to climb out of the ring.
"big ups to gypsy sullivan's complicated, the theme of czw high stakes 2."
nick gage gets on the microphone. he says some stuff, hands the mic to hatred. hatred sounds like he's about to cry. he looks like he's about to cry too.
ckny and jude vs derek frazier, gq, and john bishop
i have no idea who any of these guys are. i've seen niles young and derek frazier wrestle before but i was more concerned about niles and frazier wrestling and how funny that is. four of the guys in this match appear to be wearing slacks. jude's are silver lame. john bishop is wearing a singlet and frazier is wearing baggy sweatpants with his name on it. gq looks like busted zack sabre jr. i looked jude up on cagematch and in 2008 maven bentley put on a show called "wii appreciate it!" this match sucked, generic af sloppy 2000s indie garbage. gq, derek frazier and john bishop won.
super dragon vs chris hero, ironman championship match
chris hero comes out to dead and bloated? since when. 2004 i guess. hero threatens to promo after the crowd chants for dragon but in the end he doesn't. i just want to watch wrestling. two tubby guys in pajamas about to beat the holy hell out of each other. the commentators argue about what race super dragon is. match opens with a lot of chain wrestling, world of sport-y. dragon gets his brawl-y hope spot, hero takes back over. this sure is a lot of super dragon selling for wacky chain wrestling stuff. crowd chants boring. hero just beats down super dragon for aaaaages. super dragon out of nowhere tries the curbstomp. hero just stands up, kawada kicks, power bomb, hangman's clutch. dragon crawls to the rope. chris hero goes up top, dragon hits hero with a butterfly suplex. he then does a double knee stomp thing, like a meteora to a prone opponent. the commentators say this is hero's toughest opponent to date. kawada kicks from dragon, hero reverses into hero's welcome, dragon reverses into psycho driver, hero reverses back into hero's welcome and sews the match up with the hangman's clutch. that match was remarkably boring. "please come back" chant for the dragon.
sexxxy eddy vs el generico vs kevin steen vs excess 69
there's nothing more "wrestling" than a babyface with a gimmick that's just "a man who has sex." he gets on the mic and says its time for the "king kong schlong" to get it on with one of the ladies here tonight. eddy brings some woman from the crowd into the ring. he gives her a bunch of 8x10s to throw into the crowd while he pelvic thrusts behind her. when she's done, he has her take his clothes off. eddy sets her down on the ground, stands over her, and tears off his breakaway pants to reveal his stuffed briefs. he humps her for a second. she gets up, hands him a pen, pulls down her pants so eddy can sign her butt. this is wrestling.
generico's old octagon ripoff mask was so good. this match has almost eight stars on cagematch so i've got high hopes. excess is intro'd as weighing 169 pounds. this was steenerico's debut. and excess' but i dont know anything about excess. this match is really fun. excess banged his head really hard on a bump off the apron. the crowd pops surprisingly huge for the yakuza kick. sexxxy eddy does a dumb "messed up a spot" comedy spot and the idiot czw fans chant "you fucked up." its so wild seeing steen do all his 2018 spots 14 years ago. he does a somersault plancha that eddy completely fails to catch. its also wild to see generico's mannerisms basically havent changed in 14 years. eddy does an asai moonsault with his shins slamming directly into the barricade, i dont know how he didn't break his leg. eddy recovers tho and goes to do the sasuke barrel spot. gets cut off though. steen hits the package piledriver on eddy after a really fun sequence but the pin gets broken up. they lose the crowd when they do heat stuff, especially if eddy isnt in the ring, but when spots start popping off the crowd loves it. excess and eddy are really just warm bodies in there for a steenerico spotlight. generico hits the brainbustah and the crowd loses their minds. he does a popup brainbustah and he has the crowd eating out of his hands. eddy does a quick comeback and pins generico with the total sexxxtacy. that match was fantastic, might as well have been picasso compared to the six man tag earlier. huge "please come back" chants while the french-canadian babyfaces celebrate. they try to get steen into the celebration but he spits in eddy's face and leaves.
zandig gets on the mic from the production area and says to the canadians "any time you want to come back to czw, its open arms."
sexy eddy does a promo after the match where he shows a gash in his shin. "dont you want to stick your cock in that and fuck the shit out of it." i dont eddy. i dont want to fuck your shin.
eddie kingston vs bboy
eddie is accompanied by blkout teammates ruckus and sabian, sabian selling but ruckus definitely not. just strolling around the ring, smoking indoors. commentary says eddie is filling in for joker, who is in iraq, murdering people. bboy being called the new age punisher definitely made more sense in 2004. ruckus cuts a promo. not the guy who is one of the greatest promos of the 21st century. ruckus sounds extremely high. "fuck philadelphia, you dirty motherfuckers." the commentators talk about b-boy's win/loss record. eddie and b-boy start the match by shoot headbutting each other. this is eddie's first singles match in czw. maybe he isn't a great promo yet. b-boy just stomps the heck out of eddie, it looks brutal. he gets him with one of those hard chair tosses into the face then a shot to his back. i was worried it was gonna be unprotected to the head. this is the oldest eddie kingston match i've ever seen and he already looks basically immobile. this is a second round match in an "xtreme strong style" tournament. eddie sets up a contraption of chairs and the commentators say "its black on black crime in there," despite neither of them being black. eddie goes through the contraption. he and b-boy get back up and start headbutting each other again. they do a whole striking exchange. b-boy gets the best of it and eddie kicks out jeff jarrett style. eddie counters a leg kick with a liger bomb, which was really cool. did eddie start wrestling without any knees? b-boy sets up the shining wizard but sabian and ruckus get involved. b-boy lays ruckus out with an electric chair driver then gets eddie with the shining wizard. he piles a chair and a table on top of eddie in the corner and double stops clean through it into eddie's face. he blasts through the table and bends the chair. fun match, cool finish, didn't need the interference, especially from two guys who got killed earlier in the night. b-boy calls for the music to get cut and gets on the mic. he says he's going to miss the next show because he has family visiting, so his next round match will be in november. thanks b-boy.
m-dogg 20 vs bobby quance
holy cow m-dogg's so young. sonjay dutt jumps m-dogg during his entrance. security, all of whom are wearing jorts, pull sonjay off. commentary calls m-dogg "a bastard child." the referee bans sonjay from ringside and sonjay just calmly leaves, after three minutes of brawling. m-dogg has some kind of belt, i dont know what it is. oh it's the junior heavyweight title. m-dogg gets on the mic and says his match is now a title match. the ring announce gets the mic back and says the match is non-sanctioned. his opponent is the most boring looking man i've ever seen, bobby quance. more like bobby qwantz. the commentators say m-dogg is a video game superstar, "like zelda and pac-man." m-dogg's devilock keeps getting in his eyes. commentators call a double wristlock/kimura a "hiratu"? maybe im an idiot, i've never heard that before. he's calling other submissions their correct japanese names. this match is an m-dogg match but it feels like it's in slow motion. bobby quance is wearing dean malenko tribute tights, i guess he decided he had to be boring as sin to match. m-dogg wins the match via a shooting star that was extremely short and missed by a country mile. sonjay dutt gets on the mic as soon as the bell rings. i guess sonjay is the real junior heavyweight champ. sonjay challenges m-dogg, jimmy rave, and blkout to a match with him and the sat. sonjay asks production to hit his music but instead no music plays for a while as m-dogg stands confused in the ring. zandig comes out, kicks m-dogg out of the ring, and says bobby quance isn't a czw wrestler anymore... because he's joining the navy!!!! b-boy comes out for some reason. bobby quance gets the opportunity to talk. this is only his third match in czw. he thanks the crowd and b-boy gives him a navy hat. quance hugs zandig, zandig calls for a bobby quance chant. zandig then big ups the next match.
jc bailey vs nate webb vs chris cash
i hate to speak ill of the dead but im sure they'd agree with me, this is a white trash ladder match. instead of entering the ringside area via the curtain he rides a scissor lift up above it. he then goes back down behind the curtain and enters normally. i love nate webb. he times going through the curtain to the second chorus. just perfect. he does his crowd routine. he sits on a guy's lap and speeds around the crowd at like 30mph in his electric wheelchair. he does the moonsault at the end of teenage wasteland but hits the ladder. chris cash comes out to down with the sickness, which i guess makes sense re: his tribute show. this is a ladder match to see who gets to be the captain of cage of death? oh zandig gets on the mic and explains it. if you get the contract down from the rafters, you get to take zandig's spot at cage of death and make a team of five guys. the ref takes the ladder out of the ring and the three guys just pose for a while. they finally start to wrestle and do a triple collar and elbow tie up, which makes NO SENSE. bunch of dives after the lock up. nate webb hates jc bailey's neck. i dont know how jc bailey is standing after the spots he's taken, including a german suplex with a ladder around his neck. this match is either insane and violent or wacky and boring and it changes from second to second. the amount of times bailey lands on his neck is honestly hard to watch, especially knowing how he died. cash and nate webb take each other out with a pretty cool ladder spot on the ropes where nate flung the ladder into cash's face. it was like the joey mercury botch but on purpose. bailey doesn't look good. he is stumbling through his spots, completely out of it. maybe i just fast forward through this. nate webb does another spot where he just slams a ladder into bailey's face full-force, which i think is the fourth time so far this match. bailey is the walking dead right now. like, even if he didn't die from cte, i'd be turned off by this match. WEBB DOES IT AGAIN, powerbombing bailey head first through a ladder off the top turnbuckle. nate webb climbs the ladder, bailey and cash poorly knock him off and he has to like bounce himself into a giant contraption that someone built on the outside, no idea who it could have been. it was a huge contraption. chris cash makes a bridge out of a ladder and chairs. he puts bailey on his shoulders, climbs a second ladder to the top, and burning hammers bailey (neck first) down. at least that horrible nightmare spot was the finish. chris cash wins the spot at cage of death.
cash gets on the mic. he asks the crowd who he should pick for the cage of death team. the first person he picks is jc bailey. he gives bailey the mic, bailey thanks cash for the opportunity. zandig renames the team from "team zandig" to "team cash." "this is your fuckin year," says zandig of chris cash. he dies within the next 12 months.
wifebeater vs necro butcher
lobo hits the ring. lobo was inducted into the czw hall of fame in february, i guess he retired. he's wearing a ref shirt so i guess he's the special guest referee. people who tuned into this on pay per view were probably a good deal more confused than i am. lobo looks like the diner owner from happy days. al?
the wifebeater is is introduced as being from white trash, texas and he's being accompanied by his awful brother-in-law. the necro butcher comes out and throws his shirt into the crowd. butcher and beater appear to be wearing identical pairs of jeans. they immediately brawl into the crowd. "wifebeater isnt going to do a job," says the commentator. they brawl through the gimmick stand. they try to brawl up the bleachers but beater's jeans are too tight and he can't get up to the third row. wifebeater gestures for someone to do something when they finally get to the top of the bleachers, then necro butcher suplexes him off the bleachers through a table. its falls count anywhere i guess as necro gets a two count off the spot. wifebeater gets up and powerbombs the necro butcher through the dvd rack on the gimmick table, then suplexes him through it when it the table doesn't break. there are dvds everywhere, its carnage out there. butcher and his brother-in-law powerbomb necro through a couple chairs. necro's back is all beat up. wifebeater is eating potato chips in the ring while necro sells. this kind of rules. necro gets back in the ring, wifebeater blasts him with his tube of pringles. necro gets back to his feet, wifebeater fills his pants with thumbtacks. wifebeater does a fist drop onto necro's crotch, followed by a reverse atomic drop. there are pringles everywhere. also in the ring: a pane of glass, a trash can filled with kendo sticks, and a tupperware container of thumbtacks. necro gets the thumbtacks and pours them all over himself. he tries to pile drive beater through the thumbtacks but he counters it into a sidewalk slam nowhere near the tacks. beater gets a broom out and sweeps the thumbtacks out of the ring, to HUGE boos. wifebeater's brother-in-law throws wifebeater the weedwhacker. "that's why they call him the wifebeater." lobo steals the weedwhacker and disposes of it. necro recovers and hits the wifebeater with an unprotected headshot. lobo sets up the pane of glass on some chairs, pours out lighter fluid, and sets the pane of glass on fire. the chair shot very clearly rocked beater's brain something fierce because he can't get himself up for necro to piledrive him. necro tries a couple times but almost sets beater's pants on fire. he finally digs down and just deadlifts wifebeater up and ganzo bombs him through the glass for the three count. the necro butcher was really something else, wasnt he. for something as short and "safe" as that match, it was fun.
justice pain vs the messiah
the ring announcer asks if the fans are ready for this czw world title match. you can hear individual people say "yeah." justice pain has a very impressive look with his shirt off, like a real wrestler. not a geek or a fat guy. i've never seen messiah wrestle. he's accompanied by dewey donovan and someone i don't recognize at all. i think the only time i've ever seen messiah in any context is when he jumped joey ryan at joey janela's la confidential. this match is completely boiler plate. you hear "czw," you never think "two competent heavyweight wrestlers" but there you go. they finally brawl into the crowd. messiah is heavily selling his knee. after they brawl back into the ring, the first move anyone hits is a fireman's carry takeover by justice pain. the match becomes a normal match again and it's boring as sin. if i were these fans, i would have left after the butcher and the beater went at it. after an interminable amount of time, messiah wins with a victory roll. wifebeater hits the ring, he and justice pain beat down adam flash and messiah. the h8 club hit the ring next and chase the original h8 club out of the ring. the fans chant "bullshit" and "nick fuckin gage." new h8 club chases old h8 club into the back. messiah and adam flash and the dew pose with the belt in the ring to close the show. wifebeater's pants have a huge blood stain on the butt that looks like poop. thanks for reading.
false alarm! some guy hits the ring and hits his move on the messiah. i guess he's kid kaos? he's wearing a jcw shirt and worked xpw? i dont know. kaos says messiah got his ass "kaosified." kaos is a horrible promo. messiah gets on the mic and says this is bullshit and that's a shoot. he says kaos gets his title match at the next show. all the fans are leaving but the pay per view is on the air and kaos is still posing. the commentators sum up the show and one of the guys has his sunglasses on crooked. thanks for reading.
As it stands, this is the greatest turn of the millennium independent wrestling show of all time. The Canadian four way was really fun, B-Boy vs Eddie Kingston was less fun but still highly watchable, Necro vs Beater was a good plunder match until the finish. The ladder match was probably great as well but, while I can usually separate wrestling from people's causes of death, I couldn't handle seeing Bailey get so messed up. All the title matches were boring as sin aside from the tag titles and I can't remember anything that happened in the six man tag. The tag title match had "good bones" but awful booking. We'll see if this show remains the greatest turn of the millennium independent wrestling of all time, depending on whether I manage to continue with this project and not forget about it or burn out. I apologize for the grammar and language, I didn't know I was going to be doing this until I had a pastebin filled with liveblogging. Peace.
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