Welcome to the "only weekly live broadcast on the planet!" Tonight we have three, yes, three title matches. In addition to the previously announced Giant vs Flair for the world title, Konan will be facing Mr. JL for the US title, and Sting & Luger will wrestle the American Males for the tag team titles.
Our opener this week is the Macho Man Randy Savage versus the Belfast Bruiser. Commentary says that Bruiser hospitalized Regal last night, due to "european uppercut forearms." What is a european uppercut forearm? How would that even work? Tonight, after the Bruiser wrestled a great match against heel Steven Regal and getting over as a face, he is now wrestling superface Savage as a heel. Its like WCW was actively trying to stop smaller guys from getting heat. This match is basically a glorified squash, even Bobby Heenan expresses disappointment in the match being so one-sided in Savage's favor. Savage drops the elbow for the win.
Mean Gene is interviewing Ric Flair, with Woman and Miss Elizabeth, on the entrance ramp. Woman wont stop touching Mean Gene through the entire interview. Flair says he will throw down the Giant and sings "I've Got The Whole World In My Hands." Flair then calls out Luger for KOing him last night. As Gene wraps up the interview, Flair makes Woman and Liz say how much better he is than Luger.
United States Championship match is next between Mr. JL and Konan. This is a good lucha libre-style match, with JL working tecnico and Konan working rudo. Its flashy, its fast, and the crowd is into it. Commentary, on the other hand, is burying it, talking about Savage jumping Flair backstage instead of even commenting on the match. Konan hits a devastating deadlift power bomb and the broadcast does everything but cut away to distract from it. Even the referee seems like he's trying to ruin the match, as Nick Patrick misses counts and slow counts and does anything except his job. Konan wins in the end with a top rope flapjack.
Our next match is Disco Inferno against the Booty Man. Disco comes down the ramp pimping his "party cd." The Booty Man is super over and handily squashes Disco. Of note, however, is the Booty Babe, Kimberly, at ringside. In order for the Booty Man to access his Booty Powers, apparently, the Booty Babe has to rub the Booty Man's Booty, allowing him to hit the running high knee for the three count.
In tag team action, we have the American Males, Buff Bagwell and Scotty Riggs, facing Sting & Lex Luger. Marcus Bagwell is built as being Sting's protege and they have a really neat sequence towards the beginning of the match. The rest of the match, however, is Luger boringly brawling with Riggs, both teams working face and therefore building no tension and featuring no psychology. That's a theme with this show, very little psychology. Sting wins the match with a high crossbody on Marcus.
Finally, we have our main event of the evening, the Giant vs the Nature Boy Ric Flair. Macho Man runs down as Flair makes his entrance but Security featuring Eddie Guerrero stop him. The Giant dominates the entire match. Flair tries to escape but the Giant carries him back like a ragdoll. All of Flair's chops are totally ineffective. Giant misses a top rope splash followed by missing a corner splash, allowing Flair to get a length of piano wire from Woman. He chokes the Giant and then low blows him. While the Ref is distracted, Woman chokes him on the floor. This causes the Giant to hulk up, pull down his strap, and chokeslam Ric. As Flair lays unconscious on the mat, the Enforcer runs in with a chair and nails the Giant. Kevin Sullivan makes the save too late and the Giant turns around to find Sullivan standing there holding a chair. He chokeslams Sullivan, followed by Arn, and storms off. The match is thrown out.
Brother Count: Zero brothers, no Hogan.
Did Hogan Go Over? He didn't appear!
The Pepe Award for Pepe's Costume: A cow costume.
American Males Memorial Buff Bagwell Sighting: A whole match featuring Marcus tonight, as well as an announcement that he will be starring in Day of the Warrior, an Andy Sidaris T&A&G film.
Mongo Sucks: Mongo, in addition to being very clearly not clued in to any of the angles as usual, made a crack about Princess Diana's car crash. At first, we were very shocked about that before remembering Diana died in 97 and this was an unrelated car crash. Still, tho, come on.
The Dean Malenko Award for A Guy in a Mask: Mr. JL is, of course, Jerry Lynn, a hardcore icon.
Broski of the Week: The dude in a full Macho Man costume screaming "slut" at Liz during the entire Giant/Flair match.
Next Week: The return of the immortal Hulk Hogan!
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