Tony Schiavone has a powerful voice and he uses every inch of it to welcome us to Monday Nitro on TNT. Tonight we'll see the return of the Rock N Roll Express going up against the Horsemen, Arn Anderson & Ric Flair. Word has it Bobby Heenan will announce whether or not he'll manage the Horsemen and the Great American Bash, and much more will happen tonight!
Shark comes down the ramp and his music is a terrible Theme From Jaws knock-off. Shark tells Gene that he refuses to shave the other half of his head. It is a sign of humility and a reminder that he needs to take vengeance on Big Bubba and the Dungeon. "I'm not a shark," he says, "I'm not a fish, I'm not an Avalanche. I'm a man, my name is John Tenta." He threatens to shave the Giant. Big Bubba waits for Shark in the ring and they brawl as the bell is rung. Tenta grabs a pair of scissors and threatens Big Bubba with them, landing a disqualification in the process.
A new team enters the scene, Ruckus & Chaos, High Voltage! They're up against a real challenge in the Faces of Fear, Barbarian & Meng. Barbarian wrestles one guy in High Voltage, and then the other. The announcers not telling us who is who until halfway through the match. Barbarian throws Ruckus with a belly to belly, leaving him in the middle of the ring, set up for the double flying headbutts from the Samoans. Meng then pins Ruckus with the Yakuza kick.
Gene is back in the locker room with Lex Luger and the man they call Sting. Sting calls Lex out for interfering in his match with Scott. The Steiners run in on the promo. Lex says it was the Steiners fault he interfered because they were trying to hurt his friend! "Why were you," Lex says to Scott, "Why were you trying to suplex Sting on the floor?" "I was trying to win!" Lex then shoves Rick and the promo breaks down. A Hogan video package then airs.
Disco Inferno discos down to the ring to wrestle Pitbull Pittman. The very first move of the match, they botch a hip toss. To be fair to Pitbull, it is all Disco's fault. Pitbull lands some gutwrench powerbombs for 2. He then goes for the Code Red armbar but Disco forfeits before he can lock it on. Disco explains he wouldn't be able to dance if he only had one arm.
Announced before our next match is a video package featuring a contract signing between Sting and Steven Regal. The match is made, Regal vs Sting at Great American Bash! First, though, Regal has to survive Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Duggan is just bizarre. The match is a Hacksaw match. He stomps around not doing any actual wrestling just chanting USA and biting his thumb. HOOOO! Regal, however, is awesome, making faces and retching at every USA chant. Quickly the Bluebloods surround the ring and Regal picks up the pin with a school boy. He then calls out Sting. He says Sting is being selfish. Regal says he wants to wrestle Sting when he's mad, when he's upset, when he's "rude."
There has apparently been a huge Benoit/Sullivan feud on Saturday Night over Benoit being a terrible Horseman. Tonight we see the Taskmaster wrestling Prince Iaukea in Iaukea's debut. Taskmaster defeats Iaukea in four moves, pinning him with a double stomp to the chest. Gene comes out and Jimmy Hart tells Taskmaster that the Dungeon of Doom doesn't need the Horsemen. Taskmaster says that there are two wars going on in WCW: The war against that other promotion and the war against Hulkamania. In order to finally defeat Hogan, they need the combined powers of the Horsemen, without Benoit holding them back, and the Dungeon. "We'll get rid of Benoit so we can get rid of Hogan."
The Rock N Roll Express, Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson, return to basically no reaction against the Horsemen, Ric Flair & Arn Anderson. Flair and Arn come to the ring wearing Mongo and Kevin Greene's jerseys and have to get assistance to take them off. Arn is a huge dude. The announcer audio here cuts out. Tony and Larry leave their announce station and hypothetically we should be thrown to Eric and Bobby but instead, nothing. The 9 o'clock ballyhoo goes off, still no Eric and Brain. They go to commercial and when they return the sound is fixed and the match is on. This is a boring tag team match. Just imagine what the Rock n Roll Express vs Flair & Anderson would look like in 1996. There you go. Heenan goes to ringside as the match breaks down, he whispers something in Woman's ear. Woman climbs on the apron, gouges Gibson's eyes. Anderson hits the DDT on Morton and Flair picks up the pin for the win.
Down at ringside, Mean Gene is there with a microphone. Flair says the jerseys they were wearing were a gift from Debra McMichael! "We're faster, we are leaner, we are all night long!" Heenan claims that what he told woman was not to gouge the eyes but where to find a good jeweler. Heenan refuses to manage Flair and Anderson. He refuses to ever manage again. He pulls out an a trophy that he claims was from John Madden and he says that clearly written on it was "Bobby Heenan - Coach." Brain says he won't manage Anderson and Flair, but he will coach them! Flair says, "Can I do a little jig?" He then does a little jig. End promo.
A Hulk Hogan video package plays.
Another Hulk Hogan video package plays. This time he's beating up new WWF superstar Vader instead of hanging out with friends and starring in movies. Hogan is scheduled to return in Sturgis at Hog Wild.
The next match is a real blockbuster: Ice Train vs The Giant for the World Heavyweight Championship. Ice Train is immediately chokeslammed and pinned. His tag team partner Scott Norton runs in and eats two, count em, two chokeslams. The Giant gets a mic and asks what's the deal with all the Hogan packages? He's the champ after all, shouldn't the video packages be about him? And furthermore he calls out Macho Man, Ric Flair, Sting, and especially Lex Luger.
Norton is laying unconscious in the ring when his scheduled opponent for tonight makes his way to ringside. Hugh Morrus slides into the ring and tries to pin him with one finger. Norton barely manages to kick out. Morrus then starts dropping elbows. So many elbows its easy to lose count. He turns his back on Norton to climb the turnbuckle. Norton struggles back to his feet. Back still turned, Morrus jumps for a moonsault. Norton sort of catches him but mostly drops him on his head. Norton picks up a quick pin.
They play a video package of Mongo McMichael and Kevin Greene working out. Working out, drawing stick figures on a white board, and eating slim jims. They realize that they're at a disadvantage when Ric and Arn are more experienced wrestlers than them. They realize that they too need a coach! They look down at their slim jims and the thought slowly crosses their minds: Macho Man Randy Savage.
The main event tonight is Scott & Rick Steiner vs Sting & Lex Luger. Meanwhile, Macho Man has called into commentary on the special commentary phone. Savage may be barred from wrestling but he's not barred from coaching. "We're gonna eat you all up and there's nothing you can do about it."
Back in the match, its basically the same thing as last week. Sting and Scott are good wrestlers. Rick and Lex are sort of there. Steiners are working heel this match, working over Luger. Sting tags in, Stinger Splash on Rick, followed by the Scorpion Death Lock, Scott makes the save. Scott then tags in, hits a Frankensteiner on Sting but Lex makes the save. Sting then Scorpion Death Drops Scott and tags in Luger. Lex puts Scott Steiner in the Rack but rick makes the save. The match breaks down. The Giant runs out, chokeslams Rick, and tosses Scott out of the ring. Lex manages to fight the Giant back. Scott and Sting recover and help dispose of him.
Back at commentary, Brain is still pleading, "Savage, don't coach them." Razor Ramon makes his way through the crowd and up to commentary again. "Just Relax, chico," he says to Bischoff. "You started this war, we gonna finish it." Sting runs in to make the save, defending WCW. "You want three of the best? I only see you and me." Razor turns down Sting's challenge of a one-on-one match and flicks his toothpick at him. Sting shoves Razor back as security moves in to pull the men apart. "Okay, tough guy, I got a little-- No, a big surprise for you next week."
Brother Count: None! Its crazy how few brothers there are without Hogan or Savage.
American Males Memorial Buff Bagwell Sighting: No Buff this week. Disappointed yet again.
Randy Savage Award for Greatest Promo: Scott Steiner: "I'm gonna jack you in the ring if you get me hot." NSFW
Mongo Sucks: He just does alright. I mean, Slim Jims?
The "Who Better Than El Dandy?" Here Comes a New Challenger Watch: Prince Iaukea is a judo black belt who got his name from bookerman Kevin Sullivan after seeing the respect for the business Prince had, comparing it to King Curtis Iaukea, who is maybe better known as The Master in the Dungeon of Doom. He has a fairly ill-fated future in WCW but we'll get to that in due time.
Lets Talk About This Wrestler's Backstory: High Voltage were some jobbers from the power plant. That's it.
I Love The 90s Award for Relevancy: The Playstation ad plays again. I love that slogan, "Killer of Hopes, Smasher of Egos." Its powerful.
Broski of the Week: Probably the painfully white dude in a cool Gangstas shirt.
Next Week on Nitro: Razor says he has a big surprise. What will it be?
Great American Bash:
Lex Luger vs The Giant for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
Arn Anderson & Ric Flair w/ Bobby The Brain Heenan vs Mongo McMichael & Kevin Greene w/ Macho Man Randy Savage
Rey Mysterio Jr vs Dean Malenko
Chris Benoit vs Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan, Falls Count Anywhere
Steven Regal vs The Man They Call Sting
Its really weird having WCW announce a PPV card this far in advance. Almost like not having Hogan around is helping the company. Weird.
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