Press X to reload and welcome to beautiful Phoenix, Arizona for Monday Night Raw! Dean Ambrose won Money in the Bank and then the strap last night, pinning Seth after Seth pinned Roman after Roman bumped the ref and got a visual pin on Seth. Nothing else happened over four and a half hours. Maybe we'll have another three hours where nothing happens tonight on Monday Night Raw!
Dean-o Machino comes out with the belt to open the show. The crowd chants "you deserve it" like they do anytime a babyface wins now. Dean says he was at the Cavs afterparty and got run over by a cab and bit by a dog but also he won Money in the Bank and also the title. Seth calls himself the man, Roman calls himself the guy, should Dean call himself the dude? The crowd chants "dude." Call him whatever you want, he's the champ! He says that, in honor of the Dream, WWE won't be having hard times anymore! Roman's music then hits and he comes out to a sea of boos. Roman says last night was Dean's night and he says he's happy for Dean. The crowd boos. Roman asks how it felt to cash in on Seth and Dean replies that he would have cashed in on Roman too. The crowd chants "you can't wrestle." Roman tells "the goons" to shut up. Roman says he wants his rematch. Seth's music hits for like a quarter second and he comes down screaming about his rematch. Seth says he didn't lose the title, it was stolen from him! Dean is a thief! Roman says there's an easy way to settle who gets the rematch, and drops his mic, getting in Seth's face. Seth says there's nothing to settle, he won last night. He says that to cheers. Shane O'Mac's music hits. Shane says he wants to see a rematch between Seth and Roman for the number one contendership. Seth asks if Shane cleared it with Stephanie. Shane asks invisible Stephanie who loves it, because real Stephanie isn't there! Shane books the rematch for tonight, live on Raw. Also the draft will be on Tuesday, July 19th. JBL says Byron could be drafted to ECW.
Sami vs Owens for "the last time ever" is the first match tonight. Owens limps his way to the ring as he should given that he was murdered by Sami via michinoku driver onto the narrow side of a ladder. Someone in the crowd has a Ween sign. Big Ween fans in Arizona tonight. Owens keeps rolling out of the ring. Sami will roll him in and he will roll back out. Owens tries to escape through the crowd but Sami brings him back. This gives Owens an opportunity to throw Sami into the ring post though, taking over the match. Sami rolls Owens up after the commercial break. Some blow off. Sami goes to leave, Owens jumps him, they brawl until referees break them up.
They go to commercial but when we return, Sami and Owens are still brawling backstage. This is cool. Finlay and Road Dogg have to hold Sami back while like seven referees hold them apart. Cole says that maybe Sami and Kevin should be drafted to separate brands.
Johnny Ace comes out to become Smackdown GM. Shane interrupts him and says that he's not going to run Smackdown, Shane is. Big Johnny says that's okay, he can run Raw. Shane goes to throw him out, he yells "people power" into the mic and takes off. Enzo and Cass come out. Enzo and Shane do the Shane dance to Enzo's music. Enzo has a new shirt that looks like a Yankees jersey that says CERTIFIED G on the front and 0 DIMES on the back. Enzo says Johnny Ace sounds like "pure manure." If he had a dime for every time Big Johnny said something relevant, he'd have ZERO DIMES. Big Cass says the Dynamic Dudes aren't relevant to the New Era and are in fact SAWFT. I would pay upwards of $9 to see Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace wrestle Enzo and Cass.
However tonight, Enzo and Cass will be wrestling the Vaudevillians. They win with the "badaboomshakalaka" which is the worst thing I've ever heard Cole say.
AJ out for the 9 o'clock segment. They recap his controversial victory against Cena which came after the Club interfered despite his vow to keep them backstage. AJ still getting a babyface reaction though! AJ says his dream came true last night, wrestling Cena in front of ten thousand fans. He says the win was tainted though so he demands a public apology from Gallows and Gun. They come out and look confused. AJ wants them to apologize for giving Cena an excuse. Anderson reluctantly apologizes and so does Gallows. AJ then says thank you but there's one more person to apologize to, John Cena. AJ calls Cena down to the ring. Cena answers the call out but remains on the stage. Cena says AJ is breach of contract. Luke says it's not his fault because they did what they did independently. He apologizes to Cena. Karl says they never signed a contract so they're not legally liable, but that doesn't matter because they're still sorry. Cena says that integrity is just as important as winning. Cena was booed when he came out but talked for like ninety seconds and everybody in the crowd is now on his side. He's magic. He's a magic man. AJ says he's going to give Cena an opportunity to wrestle someone in the Club. Anyone in the Club, except for AJ himself. Cena says it doesn't matter who he wrestles because when you face anyone in the Club, you face everyone in the Club. Cena's willing to wrestle all three of them though. AJ says that he gives Cena his word that if he wrestles Karl tonight, Luke and himself will not get involved. He also says to tune into the Stone Cold podcast tonight because he'll be on it.
The match begins as Raw returns from commercial. This is Cena's first singles match on free tv since returning. Cena keeps glancing up the ramp, looking for AJ. Cena beats up on Karl for like two minutes with no offence on the Machine Gun's part before the rest of the Club hits the ring and mauls John. Karl and Gallows lay him out with the Magic Killer. AJ follows it up with a Styles Clash.
Backstage, Josanne Joestar, who is so small, interviews Seth. He cuts a babyface promo.
Little Caesars upgraded a random family's seats from the cheap seats to the front row. Thanks Little Caesars. NeNe interviews Becky Lynch. She asks how Becky feels about being stabbed in the back by all of her friends. Becky says she's still doing okay as long as she keeps her integrity. This is a good promo. Nattie interrupts her and slams her into a road case. Nattie says she's putting herself first.
Baron Corbin vs Zack Ryder. Corbin feigns an eyepoke and uses that to beat Zack up. Corbin wins with the End of Days. Cena in China promo airs followed by a Wyatt family promo.
NeNe interviews Paige who gets distracted by Dana and Charlotte. Paige insults Dana and Charlotte and storms off.
Charlotte vs Paige for the title is next. Charlotte is accompanied by the Protege, Big Momma Pump, Dana Brooke. Charlotte retains in like the best Womens match in months after Dana gets involved. They suplex Paige out of the ring and celebrate when the Boss makes her appearance. Sasha comes down, lays out Dana and throws her shutter shades at her. Paige gets rid of Charlotte and Sasha poses in the ring with the strap. She says she's back.
Backstage, Roman says he's the guy who's goign to beat Seth Rollins.
The Wyatts interrupt Roman with their titantron pretape. "We're here!" cut to commercial at 10 o'clock.
After commercial the crowd is red hot for the Wyatt boys sans Luke. I hope they're babyfaces. The crowd chants welcome back at them. "Did y'all miss me?" The New Day immediately interrupt them. I don't understand why you would do this. Why would you take a team that is getting such an ovation that could be used seriously (as sorely needed babyfaces) and immediately undercut them by having the New Day, who can talk circles around them, cut funny promos on them. ERICK ROWAN'S GOT A BIG OL' BOOTY. Xavier Woods gets caught in a trance and forgets to do his gyrating catchphrase. Bray says "New Day Falls." He pauses. "Run." Smash cut back to commercial.
A Coach Bob vignette plays. Darren has been reading. Books are like dumbells for the brain. Darren says he's been getting advice from poetry. Bob yells "DON'T TAKE ADVICE FROM ANYONE." "I DON'T GIVE ADVICE, I GIVE ORDERS."
Lana introduces Rusev, the True American Hero. In the middle of Rusev's entrance, they cut backstage where NeNe interviews Titus. He's pissed that Rusev disrespected his kids. He's also very sweaty. He then walks through the curtain to wrestle Rusev but Rusev won't let him get on the apron until the ref physically forces him to. They brawl before the bell rings. The bell never rings in fact and Rusev just gets the heck out of there, escaping through the crowd.
They play a video of the Miz and Maryse cutting a promo from the set of the Marine 5. Except they're not at the set of the Marine 5, they're at catering at the set of the Marine 5.
Backstage, Shane and Jericho interact. Jericho says that Shane has it out for him. Jericho says that wins and losses don't matter, Ambrose is a barbarian who put 69 tacks in his body. Jericho prays that he and Shane aren't on the same show after the draft.
Dean Ambrose comes out, the champ is here! He's on commentary for the Roman vs Seth match. They have a huge, great, exciting back and forth match that ends in a double countout after both of them fly over the Spanish announce table. Shane comes out and says there must be a match at Battleground. Dean gets on the mic and says he wants a triple threat. Shane books it. Triple threat at Battleground. Dean hits Roman with the Dirty Deeds and Cole calls it a Pedigree. Good night, from Phoenix , Arizona. Dean Ambrose did his move, the Pedigree. Psych, he also Dirty Deedses Seth. Goodnight for real.
No comments:
Post a Comment