Seth Rollins opens the show. They are showing the Daily Show clip from when Seth Rollins was on it. Jon Stewart is scheduled to appear. Raw's in NJ tonight. Seth Rollins says he's a better Daily Show host than Stewart and I am inclined to agree. Rollins says everyone paid to see him tonight, unlike at the Daily Show where people get their seats for free. Roman Reigns' music hits. Roman promo time. Seth says he can out talk Stewart, out rap Wiz Khalifa, out eat Mark Henry, and out wrestle Roman Reigns. Seth says Roman can't beat Brock Lesnar, but Seth can. Roman reminds Seth that Brock already beat him. CM Punk chants. Roman is trying to like book a triple threat match but I'm having a hard time following it due to the CM Punk chants distracting me. Roman decks Seth, Superman Punches Mercury, and Spears Noble. Cole tells us Roman's motivations and JBL undermines him for no reason.
Promised tonight: Paige vs Nikki for the title. Up next: Dean Ambrose.
Backstage, Seth and J&J bump into Randy Orton. Randy refers to Seth as "our guy." Randy says Seth should demand a match with Roman Reigns tonight, to prove a point. Seth says he'll handle things on his own terms.
Dean Ambrose is still carrying the Intercontinental Title as he heads down to the ring. Bad News Barrett is in the ring already, with R-Truth on commentary again. They recap Smackdown. What's the point in watching Smackdown when they will just do this. Bad News Barrett will defend his title in a ladder match at Wrestlemania, but against who??? At least R-Truth. R-Truth is still afraid of heights but not spiders, in the most important piece of continuity in wrestling history. Truth says he isnt scared of little ladders. Like, if you stacked a bunch of little ladders up, he'd be fine. R-Truth loves Ed McMahon. Barrett shoves Truth for being a "thief" so Truth gets up and steals the Intercontinental Title like he did on Smackdown. Luke Harper shows up for no reason and demands the title from Truth so Truth gives it to him. Dean Ambrose wins but it doesn't matter. "There is some strange stuff going on here in WWE."
Another Smackdown recap with MizDow. This recap runs forever. Backstage, the Rosebuds and the New Day, and all the jobbers gather around the Miz and MizDow. The Miz stars in an erectile disfunction parody ad. Its not funny, surprisingly enough. Miz and MizDow have a staredown.
The New Face of Fear Bray Wyatt comes down with a big pine casket. He cuts a promo, calling out the Undertaker. He has a little can of gasoline. He soaks the casket with gas. JBL asks if the Undertaker is in the casket. No, you idiot. He lights the casket on fire and we jump cut to commercial.
Jobber alarm sounds and Cesaro, Tyson Kidd, and Natalya come down for a six person mixed tag match. I guess Nattie didn't blow her knee out after all. Their opponents: The team of Naomi and Jimmy and Jey, the Usos! They're calling back to the knee injury from last week, but now its her ankle I guess. Nattie tags out re: hurt. Tyson tags her back in because he doesn't want to get superkicked. Naomi rolls Nattie up for three. Nattie starts to cry. I don't want to see Nattie cry. What happened to her heel turn last week?
The crowd does that John Cena Suuuuucks sing-a-long to his music and its the best. I love it. Tonight has been a good crowd so far. John cuts a promo that the crowd doesn't like. John Cena enters himself into the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Stephanie runs in. Cena buries Adam Rose, the Miz, and Fandango. Stephanie cuts another "Andre is my friend" promo for no reason. Cena calls her a bitch. CM Punk chants again. Cena threatens to not wrestle, and Stephanie and the crowd say "cool, go for it." Curtis Axel's music hits. The crowd explodes??? Axel says "two victories at Wrestlemania are better than one." and offers to beat Rusev. Axelmania chants. Axel asks what John Cena is gonna do, when Axelmania runs wild over him? and then tears off his shirt. Cena gets on the mic and says he's going to literally cripple Axel. Fade to commercial.
Axel is in the ring doing Hogan taunts while Cena just sits there. Cena knocks Axel down, but Axel hulks up. Cena knocks him down again, AAs him, puts him in the STF, and taps him out. Boooo. Rusev's music hits. Rusev insults the crowd and says his decision re: whether to face Cena or not is no, he will not face John Cena! He drops the flag on Cena again. This whole segment ruled.
Cole talks to Michael Hayes and Arn Anderson about Sting.
HHH comes out to cut a promo on the Stinger. He asks Booker T for his opinon on why Sting didnt jump ship to the WWE. Booker T says its because HHH didn't want him in the WWE. HHH fires Booker T. Triple H then unfires Booker before he gets all the way up the ramp as an example of how much control HHH has over the WWE. He has Ultimate Control. This was a very bad segment.
Time to #givedivasachance. Paige comes down for her title shot against Nikki Bella. Paige locks in the PTO, but Brie breaks it up, drawing the DQ. AJ chants. AJ's music hits!!! Paige and AJ clear the ring to CM Punk chants. Renee interviews AJ and Paige and AJ says the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and that she's friends with Paige.
The Daily Show with Seth Rollins starts. Everyone knows Newark is the armpit of America. They play the same clip of Rollins on the Daily Show that they played at the top of the show. Seth makes some bad jokes and gets some cheap heat while J&J pee themselves laughing. Stewart's music hits and he comes down the ramp. Stewart makes some tired New Jersey jokes. Stewart says Rollins hasn't earned his spot like Bruno, Gorilla, and Mick Foley did. He finally pushes enough of Rollins' buttons, making Seth snap and put his hands on him. Orton's music hits and Stewart uses the distraction to low blow Seth. Orton comes down, shakes his head, and leaves, followed by Stewart. Renee interviews Jon who says the move he used was a "left footer to the groinal area" that he learned in "wrestling school." He then runs away.
Luke Harper is out next, still carrying the IC belt he got from Truth. They play a recap of that happening. The thing that we watched happen two hours ago. Harper is wrestling Daniel Bryan. Bryan taps Harper out with the Yes Lock. Barrett wanders down during Bryan's celebration and takes his title back. Ambrose jumps him and grabs the belt, but Harper big boots Ambrose and takes the belt for himself. R-Truth sneaks in and grabs it from Harper. Truth sets the title down and tries to walk away but Harper takes him out with a shortarm clothesline while the crowd chants Ziggler. Ziggler shows up out of nowhere right on cue and superkicks the belt out of Harper's hands while his music hits and the camera shows Bryan.
Alundra Blayze is being inducted to the WWE Hall of Fame. Booker T says he had a crush on her.
Backstage, Seth and Randy interact. Randy says Seth would have lost his job for hitting Jon Stewart on national TV in New Jersey. Kane and Big Show show up and tell Randy to get lost?
Heyman is out when we return from commercial. Heyman says he's going to shoot. Brock Lesnar will go and do whatever and wherever he pleases. Brock Lesnar would squish Daniel Bryan. His microphone breaks and he makes fun of Lilian. Paul Heyman is a god among men on the microphone. He is on absolute fire. He says Brock Lesnar is gonna Ronda Rousey Reign's ass. The microphone keeps cutting out. Incredible promo, look this up on youtube. Roman Reigns' music hits and he meanders down through the crowd.
Reigns and Rollins wrestle. The entire Authority, sans the McMahons and Randy, are at ringside. "You Can't Wrestle" chants. Reigns is targeting Rollins' balls. Randy Orton's music hits. Orton grabs Reigns' leg and this is enough for Rollins to roll Reigns up and get the win. Randy winks at the camera as he leaves the ringside area. Reigns does a stupid tope and clears out the Authority at ringside. Big Show punches Reigns in the kidney, rolls him into the ring, but eats a punch and a Spear for his efforts. Reigns then spears Rollins to end the show.
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