After a week in beautiful London, England which I did not watch as I refuse to watch taped WWE shows, WWE Raw is back from beautiful Hartford, Connecticut. Last week Bray Wyatt got injured and Triple H worked a lot of house shows, while in NXT Finn Balor lost the title, potentially foreshadowing a call up now that Gallows and Gun are in the 'E.
Tonight's show is in memory of Chyna who passed away this past week. Luckily, they start the show off with a recap of last week where Roman did his dumb catchphrase about being the guy again. Gallows and Gun teased that they are working for AJ after they laid out Roman with the "boot of doom" but AJ denied it. I hope they're not working for Shane. I'm really, sincerely worried that they're working for Shane and they aren't even going to call them the Posse. Tonight, Sheamus/Styles, Reigns/Del Rio.
The show opens with Shane yet again. Why did they do that Wrestlemania match again? JBL says he misses the Authority. Shane says we're going to have fun tonight right before Stephanie's music hits. Stephanie says she was born in Hartford hospital and the crowd boos. Stephanie says all the local government officials consider her Hartford's favorite daughter and want to put a statue of her up in the park. She says it's Shane's last night running Raw because at Payback Vince will choose between Shane and the Authority for GM. Shane does a little poll pointing back and forth and Stephanie and himself while the crowd boos and cheers, respectively. Shane asks Hartford's favorite daughter to leave the ring but she says she's not going to, she's going to lean against the ropes for the next three hours I guess. Shane calls security down to escort Stephanie from the building. Stephanie leaves before she gets thrown out while the crowd chants the goodbye song. One of the security guards touches her back and she attacks him so the others pick her up and drag her out as Shane starts to also sing the goodbye song. Shane kicks off the wrestling portion of our program by announcing AJ Styles for his match against Sheamus.
As soon as the bell rings, the crowd begins sitting on their hands. JBL says that AJ is definitely colluding with Gallows and Gun and when Byron says there's no proof they're working together, JBL says that next Byron is going to say the Miami Heat didn't collude with Chris Bosh and Lebron James. I also think he said that Sheamus drank 12 liters of Guinness. You could hear a pin drop in the crowd. AJ picks up the win. That match was pretty good but totally killed by the crowd. Gallows and Gun come out on the stage in very Japanese looking entrance robes and applaud AJ for his win.
Backstage, Roman and his cousins the Usos are watching them on tv. They start talking about obviously AJ, Gallows, and Anderson are in cahoots. The crowd chants "we can't hear you." Roman says sometimes the one needs help from the all and then they fistbump.
AWWWWWW HARTFORD!!!! The New Day come out and Big E swims in the ring. Cole says it's booty time as we cut to commercial. "Get your booty on!" Big E and Xavier say you have to "respeck" whoever wins the tag team tournament because they're going to "party like its 1999." The Vaudevillians' music hits to complete and utter silence. The camera goes black and white when the Vaudevillians are in frame but then they drop that gimmick the second there's a cut. The Vaudevillians are going to party like its 1899. The finals are going to be the Vaudevillians vs Enzo and Cass I guess. Enzo and Cass' music hits. Enzo does his schtick and the crowd loves it. I love it. Its the best. Dumm Oaf calls Enzo and Cass "Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumber." Enzo calls himself Tweedle-Gee. Enzo says the Vaudevillians want to be the number one contenders, but Enzo wants to run down a beach into his own arms, but that's impossible. Enzo is the absolute best. The New Day don't care who win the tournament because they're going to beat them anyway because New Day rocks. JBL makes sure to bury Enzo before they cut to backstage.
Backstage, Gallows and Gun leave AJ's dressing room which JBL says is evidence of collusion. Can't wait for this angle to blow off and JBL to shut up.
The Usos vs Gallows and Gun is next. I should stop calling them Gallows and Gun, the announce team is calling them Anderson and Gallows. Their music is very similar to ShotEm, like a buttrock remix of ShotEm. JBL puts over Masahiro Chono while talking about Anderson and Gallows' Japanese accomplishments. The Usos are really fantastic wrestlers. They have a really good back and forth sprint with Anderson and Gallows that's as good if not better than any of their IWGP tag title matches. JBL uses this opportunity to talk about Riki Choshu and Hulk Hogan. The crowd quickly loses interest though after a weak "Bullet Club" chant couldn't sustain itself. Can't please these people. Anderson and Gallows hit Jey with the Magic Killer for the win and then pick the bones of the Usos. Roman comes out to make the save and clears out Gallows and Anderson single handedly. They slink back up the ramp while Roman's music plays. I have a feeling this isn't over, John.
Backstage, Anderson and Gallows run in on AJ's interview with Renee. They ask him what Roman's deal is and say he started the beef. They tell AJ they have his back and they all hug.
They play a video package for the Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens feud showing their history. Sami is out next to face Rusev who is accompanied by Lana. She's wearing like a vinyl suit with an exposed midriff, It's not a great look. Sami gets a flash pin on Rusev after a fine match made totally flat by this terrible crowd in Hartford. As Zayn makes his escape from a furious Lana, Owens in sweatpants jumps Sami.
Backstage, Renee interviews Apollo Crews. They get interrupted by Stardust. Apollo Crews says its an honor to wrestle Cody tonight since he liked his dad. Stardust is upset. Not even the great Dusty Rhodes can make Apollo a star.
They air a Truth anti-smoking PSA featuring Dolph Ziggler doing bad standup and Titus O'Neil heckling him. It has nothing to do with smoking. I don't understand, can you just play bad skits and then say "don't smoke" and then that counts as anti-smoking programming?
Apollo Crews and Stardust is the next match! Crews' music is very exciting music. I missed the finish. I guess it was Crews with his goofy powerbomb.
Ambrose out to cut a promo. He calls out Jericho who answers. He says he's not going to waste his time wrestling Ambrose. When Jericho insults the crowd its the first time they make noise since Enzo. Jericho says his boots cost $750 each. He demands an apology from Dean for stealing the Highlight Reel. Jericho and Ambrose brawl, Jericho puts Ambrose in the walls on the announce table. Referees have to come down to break it up. A commercial following this match says that Payback is "the first pay-per-view of the new era." I don't buy it.
Next is a match between Natalya and Evil Emma, with WWE Women's Champ Charlotte doing commentary at ringside. Ric is there too. Nattie gets the easy win and wags her finger at Charlotte. Following this, they play an in memoriam video package for Chyna that mostly consists of screenshots of current WWE talent tweeting about her and pictures of Eddy Guerrero.
Baron Corbin comes out and the spotlight trail thing looks markedly worse since it curves around the minitron now. He gets jumped during his entrance by the bad comedian Dolph Ziggler and that's that. A Puerto Rican tourism ad starring the Colons plays. It's a lot funnier than you would think.
Back from break, Maryse and her husband the Miz are in the ring. Maryse is wearing knee pads which is a very bad sign in my opinion but she's also wearing like ten inch heels which is a good sign. Miz says he's used to being overlooked and booed by "trolls and twitter tough guys" but he's going to beat Cesaro. He eskimo kisses Maryse. The Miz is shaking while saying Cesaro isn't good enough to hold the Intercontinental title. He's selling how mad he is at people who like Cesaro but I'm kind of worried for him. Cesaro comes out with his awesome James Bond entrance and points his microphone at the camera like Bond and it's so awesome. They desperately need to get rid of the jobber alarm and give him back the Dean Malenko music. Cesaro insults Miz and Miz does a DeNiro "You talkin' to me?" followed by a Pesci "Do I amuse you?" "There's only one question you need to ask yourself at Payback, do you feel lucky, punk?" Cesaro responds with "Go ahead, make my day" before popping off his cufflinks. Miz and Maryse turn to leave but the Miz tries to attack Cesaro at the last second. He eats a European uppercut instead. Cesaro goes to swing the Miz but Maryse jumps on his body to protect him from the swing. Cesaro picks up the Intercontinental belt, does his arm gun gesture at the Miz, and leaves.
Backstage Roman and AJ bump into each other. AJ turns his hat around. He says he's taking Reigns title. Reigns says something smarmy about Anderson and Gallows.
Reigns, Del Rio, up next. "He calls himself, The Guy." Thanks Cole. They have a boring match where the crowd boos both men. Roman does a pretty cool variant of his apron dropkick where Del Rio's head gets sandwiched between Roman's boots and the turnbuckle. A "Let's go Roman/Roman sucks!" chant picks up. Good work, WWE, you did it. You made a Cena that doesn't do any business. Roman dodges Del Rio's dumb and bad finisher by doing the thing everyone should do which is just let yourself hang in the tree of Joey Lawrence instead of letting yourself get stomped on. Roman hulks up and gets ready for the spear when Anderson and Gallows' music hits. This lets Del Rio roll Roman up but he only gets two. Roman spears Del Rio anyway for the three. Gallows and Gun start to beat Roman down when AJ hits the ring to call them off. They leave but Roman superman punches AJ anyway. Anderson and Gallows come back into the ring and distract Roman long enough for AJ to recover. He lays Roman out with the Phenomenal Forearm and that's it, that's the end. Flat.
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