Live from beautiful Bodymore, Murderland it's Monday Night Raw featuring the fallout from Extreme Rules! Corbin beat Ziggler with a low blow, Gallows and Gun beat the Usos to become the number one contenders to the tag team titles, Rusev "paralyzed" Kalisto and snapped him clean in half with the Accolade to become a two time US champ, the New Day embarrassed the Vaudevillians despite the Vaudevillians looking pretty good in the match, the Miz retained in a match of the year contender against Cesaro, Sami, and Owens, Ambrose and Jericho wrestled for an incredibly boring amount of time in a match that somehow featured thumbtacks, Charlotte beat Nattie with an assist from Dana Brooke, and Roman Reigns retained his title against AJ in a heck of a no DQ match. After the main event, Seth Rollins made his long awaited return and laid out the champ. What will Roman have to say tonight???
Seth Rollins, the future of the WWE, opens the show. Chants of "welcome back" ring out and Seth's suit jacket is soaking wet from the water he poured on his hair. "You've been waiting 200 days, you gotta let me talk." He says he fired the first shot last night in the battle to reclaim the WWE title he never lost. The crowd chants "Thank you Rollins." He then starts to rip into the audience for cheering for him now when they booed him when he was the champ. They took him for granted, he said. He says his knee buckled because of the weight from carrying the company on his back "for so freaking long." He says he didn't open a single letter of the fan mail he received while he was in the hospital and instead burnt it on fire. They're wasting all the babyface heat he got last night. Why. "There's only room on the Seth Rollins bandwagon for one dude and that's me." He says he did more work in the last seven months to rehab than the crowd has done in their entire collective lives. He guarantees that he'll take the title back and despite all this is still getting a bunch of cheers. Roman's music hits to unanimous boos. He comes down the ramp and gets in the ring but Seth runs away as the crowd boos even more. Shane O'Mac comes out and recaps Seth's entire WWE career. He books a title match between Seth and Roman at the next pay per view, Money in the Bank. Tonight, qualifying matches for the Money in the Bank ladder match. Cesaro vs Miz, Ambrose vs Ziggler, Apollo Crews vs Jericho, AJ Styles vs Kevin Owens, and Sami Zayn vs Sheamus.
Backstage, Sheamus makes fun of Sami Zayn's name and his hat. He insults Canadians to Renee. He says that what he's going to do to Sami next won't be "suitable for all ages." TV-14 Sheamus.
Like Sheamus said, Sami vs Sheamus is next. Sami hits Sheamus with the Helluva Kick to qualify for the MitB match after a pretty good match.
Backstage, Renee interviews Apollo Crews but Sheamus jumps him when says the words "New Era," screaming "You think you're better than me?"
OHHHHHH BALTIMORE. Big E lays down flat on his back and furiously humps the air while holding a Booty O high above his head. They have a birthday cake because its the 1200th episode of Raw which doesn't seem like the right number of episodes. The ring isn't safe for cake though so they're going to remove the cake. Xavier says be careful, you don't want it to end up on anybody in the front row. Or JBL. Or Byron. While Big E threatens Byron with a caking, the Social Outcasts jump Xavier and Kofi. They clear the ring and celebrate. A match forms during the commercial break. The New Day win. Big E gets a big handful of cake and uses it to irish whip Heath into the remaining cake.
Miz vs Cesaro next at the top of the second hour. Miz promos in the ring before his match. He breaks down the Steiner math behind him retaining the title. He says his match was like a great movie, like Batman vs Superman vs Iron Man vs Captain American. The Miz puts over Cesaro, Owens, and Zayn as great, but he's just that much better. Miz asks Maryse if she thinks he could be played by Brad Pitt, Chris Pratt, or Dwayne Johnson. She says he's better than all three of them. Miz asks for a kiss and right before their lips touch an alarm sounds. Someone is about to get kissed! Cesaro coincidentally comes out while the kissing alarm blares. Cesaro beats the Miz up for a while and tells Maryse to talk to the hand. Cesaro picks up the win off the Miz with the Neutralizer.
Backstage, Renee interviews Seth. He says he's going to win the title because he's just that good. Stephanie shows up and Seth tries to give her a hug but she refuses. She says things have changed while he's been gone, including their relationship. They shake hands and Seth looks confused.
Jericho limps out, his arm bandaged. He and Apollo wrestle to some dueling "Let's go Apollo/Y2J" chants and also like three guys chanting "We want Lesnar!" Jericho does a lionsault and Crews tries to kip up before Jericho can hit him but ends up positioning himself so Jericho lands knee first square on the top of Crews' head. It's scary but Crews kicks out of the obviously "let's take it home quick" pin. They wrestle a few more minutes, do a hot little finishing sequence, and Jericho wins with the Codebreaker to qualify for the Money in the Bank match.
Mr. Backlund tries to make Darren Young recite the presidents but he thinks that's impossible! Bob then recites them himself. Darren says "Damn!" Bob Backlund takes offense to his language and makes him do 200 jumping jacks.
Backstage, JoJo interviews Baron Corbin. He doesn't care what people think. Dolph runs in and asks him why he won't wrestle him in a technical wrestling match. Baron says he doesn't want to be a wrestler, he wants to beat Dolph up. Next week however he books a match between himself and Dolph in a "technical wrestling match." Dolph is going to wrestle Dean Ambrose tonight though.
Enzo and Cass' music and Cass comes out FOLLOWED BY THE SMACKTALKER SKYWALKER HIMSELF. ENZO HAS RETURNED. He's wearing a leopard-print lined Eddie Murphy Raw jacket. Wait a second, Enzo is on Monday Night Raw and also that Eddie Murphy special was called Raw. Wow. Enzo gets a mic. He says he forgot to pay his electric bill and they knocked his lights out. But if he had a dime for every time he got knocked down and didn't get back up, he'd have ZERO DIMES. He says "achoo" and then dabs. Big Cass says "bless you" and Enzo responds by jumping up in the air and yelling "DAMN RIGHT I'M BLESSED." They call out the Dudleys. The Boar's Head on Bubba's shoulders is only good for one thing, because the realest guys aren't a delicatessen. Enzo is amazing, transcendental. The Dudleys come out and they mix it up, Big Cass vs Bubba Ray.
Charlotte comes out with Dana and Ric Flair. They're setting Dana up to be Charlotte's sidekick. Charlotte says that her dad let her down but the crowd won't let her talk. She gives them some sass back. She then orders Ric out of her ring. She's turned on him! She's sick of babyboomers hogging the spotlight. Ric is just "Charlotte's dad" now. Ric starts crying. This is getting meanspirited as she continues to call him a failure and a let-down. She finishes him off with the killing blow of "you're dead to me." This segment must have been real awkward for Dana Brooke and also for David Flair.
Ziggler and Ambrose wrestle for a spot in the Money in the Bank match. Ambrose wins with his move. That Charlotte segment brought this show to a screeching halt.
Backstage, Ric with tears in his eyes is leaving the building. He sees Arn and they hug. Renee tries to get an interview. She asks him if he has anything to say to Charlotte. He says "no" and walks through a door with "EXIT" written on the wrong side of it. A vignette for the Shining Stars plays.
AJ out next for his match with my main man Kevin Owens. Wish both of these guys could win. AJ has a mic. He puts over Roman, says he's every bit the man he says he is. The crowd boos and he reiterates that Roman is "one of the better men" he's been in the ring with. He's not phenomenal though and he's blaming it on the Usos and Gallows and Anderson getting involved. He has another opportunity tonight to beat Owens and get another shot at the title thanks to Money in the Bank and he's going to beat him on his own. Gallows and Gun come down. "Hold on, bro, take that back a second," says Anderson. He's upset that AJ lumped them in with the Usos. Anderson says in Japan AJ would have bought them a round of drinks in Roppongi for what they did last night. Gallows says that the Club is the reason AJ saw any success in Japan or in the WWE. AJ breaks up with them. He says that even if they aren't wrestling buddies anymore they're still brothers. He tries to too sweet them but Gun and Gallows say they're not brothers and they're not even friends. AJ asks them to leave his ring. Cut to commercial.
We come back from commercial and AJ's music is playing again. Owens then comes out. After a ridiculous match, Owens pins AJ with the popup powerbomb after he counters the Phenomenal Phorearm with a superkick/lowblow combo.
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