Welcome to the city of brotherly love, baby! It's Monday Night Raw live from beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Apparently Chris Hero has re-signed with the WWE pending his medical. Roadblock is next week. One of those two things is incredibly exciting.
New Day out first tonight. At midnight tonight they tie Demolition for the longest tag team title reign, but first they have to get through Sheamus and Cesaro and the Club. They cut a promo about it. Woods dedicates the match to his grandmother and the crowd chants "Grandma." Woods says he's the first leg of the New Day, Kofi is the second leg, and Big E is the "big, meaty third leg." They bring their opponents out. Backstage, catering is setting up the New Day buffet, full of champagne and Booty-Os. The Club out first, followed by Sheamus and Cesaro. The New Day win after a match where Cesaro looks like an absolute god. Backstage everyone is partying including a blonde man who looked like pre-WCW Jericho. Kind of a boring finish but hey I guess the New Day having it isn't the worst team to have the record.
Backstage, the Mickster and Stephanie are in the party with everyone else. Deonna Purazzo is there. She's the only non-signed talent I recognize. Stephanie congratulates the New Day and they pop bottles but they soak Stephanie. She throws a temper tantrum, showering the guests in Booty Os. I have an extremely bad feeling about this. Maybe she won't just screw them against a team they've already beaten. Maybe she'll get a ringer and brings in the Revival. That would be nice.
Tribute to the Troops is brought to you by Mtn Dew. BRAAUUNNNNNN.
Backstage, Stephanie is berating a PA when Kevin Owens steps up. He sucks up to her and insinuates that he wants a match against them. She tells him to sit tight while she gets changed.
The Axeman Curtis Axel will be wrestling Braun tonight. Punishment for Ryback's shoot in my opinion. Stroman squashes Axel with a wheelbarrow flapjack. Byron tries to interview Braun but he cuts him off and demands congratulations. Byron congratulates him and then asks him how he feels about Sami's tweet where he demanded a match with Braun "or else." Braun says that Mick is right to protect Sami because nobody can last against Braun "for two seconds!" Cut to backstage where Mick is watching tv at a wacky angle. Sami runs in and demands the match against Braun at Roadblock. Sami cuts the same promo he cut two weeks ago. Mick says he knows Sami can't stand up to Braun. Sami quits Raw and the crowd goes crazy. The Mickster says he'll help Sami get traded to Smackdown.
The ropes are purple and you know what that means. Time to weigh exactly 205 pounds and call 911. Ariya Daivari out first. He's wrestling Lince Dorado. They show a recap of Daivari not respecting the Code of Honor against Jack Gallagher. They wrestle for like 90 seconds before Jack Gallagher comes out onto the stage holding a mic. Corey says he eats a Cheesesteak with a fork and a knife. Gallagher calls Daivari a scoundrel. The crowd chants "scoundrel." This is bad. Gallagher says he's here to tonight to give Daivari "a thorough thrashing." Gallagher headbutts Daivari and it sends him flying out of the ring. He dropkicks him off the apron and that's that.
9pm and Rollins is out. He demands a match against Triple H. He lays out his roadmap to getting to Triple H: First he takes out Jericho, then he wins the strap from Owens, then he murders Triple H live in a professional wrestling ring. He brings out Owens to clarify his relationship status with Jericho. Corey says that Kanye's mental breakdown was fabricated. Owens walks out and then back behind the curtain. He retrieves a stool and sets it on the stage. Owens says he doesn't care about the Rollins report so he's just going to stay on the stage. He's not Rollins' guest tonight, he just has an announcement to share. Rollins asks him a question but Owens blows it off. Rollins tries again and Owens just says that they have each others' backs. Owens then announces that the New Day are in another tag team title match, this one against Team Kevin and Chris. Jericho's music hits. Jericho asks what made Owens think that he would ever be his tag team partner again. Owens appeals to Jericho's desire to play spoiler to the New Day. Rollins gets back on the mic and tries to drive a wedge between them. Jericho calls Rollins a stupid idiot and tells him to shut up. Jericho teases putting Rollins on the list but drops the pen at the last second. "I'll put you on the list alright, the disabled list." Jericho starts to storm towards the ring but Owens heads him off. They lock eyes and then turn to sic Rollins. Owens grabs a chair, Rollins turns to face him, and Jericho jumps him from behind. Owens and Jericho maul Rollins. Owens and Jericho beat him down and roll him into the ring but Reigns runs down for the save before Team Kevin and Chris can pillmanize him. Owens and Jericho manage to fight Reigns off but Rollins recovers. Rollins and Reigns then clear Kevin Owens out. They try to pedigree Jericho but Owens drags him out of the ring and up the ramp. Jericho and Owens leave together. It's cool that Jimmy Jacobs is writing for Jericho now, I can pretend SCUM just reunited as well as Team Kevin and Chris.
Backstage, Swann is interviewed by Charly. Swann is fun. He says it doesn't matter who he faces, TBK, TJP, or even Santa. The Brian Kendrick runs in. Then Perkins runs in. Kendrick says Perkins is gonna do whatever it takes to win the title. Perkins says he'll do whatever it takes to win the title and then challenges Kendrick to a match. Perkins then immediately enters the ringside area.
TJP vs TBK. again. Why? Kendrick wins. Who cares.
Backstage, Foley bumps into Rollins and Reigns. Mick gives them a spot in the tag team title match.
They play a really long, bad video package talking about how good and historic Sasha and Charlotte are.
Bayley makes her entrance for her match against Alicia Fox. They're feuding over Cedric Alexander. At least they're feuding over the hottest cruiserweight I guess, not like when the Bellas and Gail Kim were feuding over the small and ugly Daniel Bryan. Bayley wins clean in a couple minutes with the Bayley to belly.
Lana is in the ring wearing a camo suit. Yuck. She introduces Rusev and gets a shot in at Enzo. Rusev comes down and says he took out the American trash when he beat down Enzo in that hotel room. He says "certified gee" with a hard G. The G stands for Garbage. They have some video footage to play of themselves behind closed doors. They say to close your eyes if you're not mature enough to watch it. Lana asks if the crowd is ready to see it and Corey yells "YES." They just play the beatdown video from last week again. Lana mocks the crowd for thinking they were going to see live sex footage. Rusev brags about how he tricked Enzo and destroyed him. He says he'll crush anyone who disrespects Lana. Enzo's music hits. Cass comes out. He starts talking but the music keeps playing. It's very distracting. Cass says he's not Enzo and says his pants are on. Then he points at his tights. He's not wearing pants. You're not wearing pants Cass. You are very clearly not wearing pants. Why did you say that. He runs down and he and Rusev brawl but I can't stop laughing.
Backstage, Kevin tries to hype up Chris. He tries to get Chris to commit to being best friends forever but Chris is reticent.
Sami is out for what could be his last match on Raw against Jinder Mahal. Will Zayn hinder Jinder? Sami wins in quick order with the exploder in the corner and the helluva kick. Mick comes out and announces that Sami will be traded to Smackdown Live! for "a talent of equal value." Sami asks Mick for the match against Stroman one more time. Mick says no. Mick says he'll reveal who the wrestler he traded Sami for is before Sami signs so maybe it'll change his mind. It's Eva Marie. "I'm worth 100 Eva Maries, I'm worth 1000 Eva Maries!" Sami gets in Mick's face and demands Stroman. He grabs Mick by the shirt. This is a pretty good promo. Mick books the match because he pushed Sami far enough. He reveals the trade was a work! He wouldn't trade Sami Zayn for anyone, he just needed to make sure Sami could be angry enough to survive Stroman. He got his answer and it's Stroman vs Zayn at Roadblock on Sunday. The match is a ten minute beat the clock challenge. They don't explicitly say that but everything Mick says makes it sound like that. "You have ten minutes to prove everyone wrong," etc.
Main event time babyyyy! Woods and E vs Team Kevin and Chris vs The Big Dog and the Sethster. The match takes a while to get going but once they start going home, business picks up and it turns into a real blast. Woods takes a whole lot of moves, culminating in a popup codebreaker. Rollins breaks up Jericho's pin by shoving Owens into him. Owens and Jericho start bickering, which allows Rollins to pedigree Chris. Woods rolls his corpse on top of Jericho and the New Day retain, the longest reigning tag champs in history. The crowd has been chanting something that sounds a lot like "Hero" all night. After the match Owens and Jericho argue and Jericho says they're done. Jericho leaves and Reigns spears Owens and the crowd craps all over it!
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