Merry Christmas live from beautiful Chicago, Illinois! They're doing that weird "previously on" deal again this week. Not a lot of news this week so we might as well see what Braun has in store for us tonight!
Raw opening with the Billion Dollar Princess and the commissioner Stephanie McMahon. She's doing a babyface entrance to almost complete silence. The crowd starts to make noise, chanting for CM Punk. Stephanie totally burns him, saying if the crowd chants for over two minutes they'll last longer than the Punker did in his UFC debut! Seth comes out and gets a pretty big reaction. He insults Stephanie and she says "you go low, we go high" and refuses to insult him back. Is Stephanie actually good? Is she not the worst part of the show? Seth demands HHH come out and stop hiding behind his wife's skirt. Stephanie says Triple H doesn't need to show up because he's still the top guy on the show even when he's not on the show. Seth knows he's not backstage and he's not coming out so instead he's going to call out Braun Stroman. Roman's music immediately hits. Roman also wants a match with Stroman and the crowd chants "CM Punk" over top of him. Seth says that maybe he and Roman can work together to teach Stroman a lesson. Roman says maybe they can do it old school and powerbomb Stroman through the announce table Shield style. Stephanie tries to jump in on the Shield reunion but gets denied. She says she was just joking because it turns out Dean is in town since Smackdown Live is also in Chicago. When the crowd goes nuts she says that it's not gonna happen and instead of booing her they just deflate. Maybe she's bad. She books Seth vs Stroman and Roman vs a wrestler of her choice with the US title on the line. But first, it's a tag team title rematch!
OHHHH CHICAGO! New Day are dispensing Booty-Os to all the children with a ladle out of a sack. Commentary lets us know that Cesaro and Sheamus are getting along now and they come out wearing the absurdly hideous new belts. I missed the finish because I was feeling sick but I think it's safe to say the Shameful Swingers retained.
Back from commercial, they turned off Byron's mic but he's yelling loud enough for Cole's mic to pick him up so it's all good. They throw to a Lesnar/Goldberg video package.
Braun is stalking backstage when he runs into team Chris and Kevin. Chris and Kevin are super happy about how bad Braun beat up Seth and Roman last week. They're trying to get Braun on their side so they can beat up Seth in order for Owens to get a cheap win at the Rumble. They push him a little too far.
Backstage, Truth, Goldust, and Bayley hang out. Bayley gives Truth a hug for Christmas and Dustin a Dusty Rhodes bear. Goldust is touched. The Club run in and call Truth and Goldust nerds. Karl rips the Dusty bear in half.
Nia Jax squash match against a blonde jabroni. The jobber says her inspiration is Sasha Banks. Scarlet? They're calling her Scarlet, is she a known quantity? Nia beats her quickly and gets on the mic. "Next time, choose a better role model," she says before dropping the leg on Scarlet.
Backstage, Kevin and Chris try to talk Stephanie out of the hanging cage match. She won't be talked out of it but she books Kevin as Roman's opponent for the US title.
Bayley out for the 9pm segment. She cuts a promo for three minutes about how she wants the belt. It's not great. Charlotte finally interrupts her. Charlotte says that she's looked down on Bayley for the entire time they've known each other but she grants her a title match right now! But it's a special guest referee match with Dana Brooke as the ref! Uh oh! The match goes exactly how you'd expect. Dana lets Charlotte cheat and eventually Charlotte gets Bayley with her feet on the ropes and Dana quickly counts to three.
Neville out to wrestle in the cruiserweight division. He'll be wrestling TJ Perkins. Neville refuses to follow the code of honor and the match begins accompanied by a "Neville" chant. Corey says that TJP should kiss Neville's fingers. TJ getting dueling chants now. Neville wins and gets a quick interview by Charlie. He buries America, says Americans make fun of his accent and think he's too bland and ugly to be on TV.
Enzo is in a wheelchair when he comes out with Big Cass. Enzo promos from the chair while on the ramp. They show a picture of Enzo's rear end and it's extremely bruised. Cass and Enzo call out Rusev and Jinder for a one-on-two match. When Rusev and Jinder come out, Cass suckers them in so Enzo can jump them from behind, still crippled but not as crippled as we were lead to believe! Cass beats Rusev down and then throws Enzo at Jinder. "Back to Tinder, Jinder!" Byron what is wrong with you.
Wow, what a ridiculous tag team match. The Shining Stars against Darren Young (sans Bob) and BO DALLAS. What. Oh, right, it's 10pm. BRAAAAUUNNNN. Braun comes out with a christmas tree and nails Bo with it. He clears the ring. Epico tries to hit Stroman with a chair but he no-sells it and kills the Colon. The crowd chants "Thank you Stroman." He wants his match against Seth to start!
His match against Seth starts when Seth comes down after the commercial break. Braun throws Seth around for a while but Seth fires back and manages to take the gigantic man off his feet with the Blockbuster. It doesn't keep him down though and Braun tosses him out of the ring and beats him up. Rolls him back right before Sami Zayn's music hits. Sami doesn't come down the ramp though, He runs in through the audience and jumps Stroman from behind. Sami runs him into the pole a bunch of times before running out. While Sami escapes, Jericho runs in and hits Seth with a codebreaker.
Backstage segment with Team Kevin and Chris.
Emmalina coming soon again.
The hoots in the ring next. They're wrestling the Golden Truth. Truth wrote a new verse for the song. It's so good. I was laughing too hard to type it. There's a line that goes "Rappin', jokin', havin' fun!" This match happened I guess? It ended at some point apparently.
Swann wrestles Ariya Daivari in the Cruiserweight division next! Rich quickly wins. He calls Neville a sourpuss in his post-match interview. Swann also very nearly says WWF. Neville jumps him from behind when he accepts Neville's title match challenge.
Backstage, Daivari calls Gallagher a scoundrel. Gallagher appears in a bowtie. I hate Gallagher. Gallagher slaps Daivari across the face with a glove, challenges him to a duel, and calls himself Aaron Burr.
Goldberg next week. Braun vs Sami last man standing is next week. They really, really don't want to pin Braun.
Kevin Owens out next for his US title match against Roman Reigns. They wrestle for a bit but Roman gets the upper hand. When things start looking dire for Kevin, Chris runs down for the distracting, letting Kevin get that upper hand himself! Rollins gets involved and Roman spears Owens to retain his belt. Reigns and Rollins beat down Team Kevin and Chris and stand tall to end 2016.
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