Welcome to Sin City, beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada for the Festival of Friendship and also Monday Night Raw! Tonight, A Friendship Fiesta, a Womens title match between Bayley and Charlotte, and the ostensible debut of Emmalina.
Steph out to open the show as usual. As much as it is possible to hate someone you don't know and have never met or interacted with, that's how much I hate Stephanie McMahon. Roman's music hits, interrupting her. Roman wants Braun "Right. Now." Stephanie says it's not about her. What. She asks the audience if they want the match. She books Braun vs Mark Henry instead. There's something wrong with Stephanie's voice tonight. Roman tells her he'll just break that match up if she books it. The Club's music hits. They're out to defend her from Roman's disrespect. "Like the Rolling Stoneskis said, you can't always get what you want." Gallows offers Roman a two-on-one match but Stephanie channels future WWE Hall of Famer Teddy Long and makes it official. She says playa and holla and it's awful. Roman beats them up two on one until the referees separate them and go to commercial.
After the commercial, the match is happening and Gallows and Anderson work Roman over. The match quickly falls apart after Roman starts to get his babyface comeback and the Club double team him until the ref DQs them. They try to hit the Magic Killer but Roman fights back and clears the ring. Karl gets a chair but Roman overpowers him and takes the chair, sending the Club cowering up the ramp.
IT'S A NEW DAY YES IT IS. Bo Dallas is in the ring alone and he looks lonely. Kofi references the Social Outcasts. "He looks real lonely!" "I told you not to do it," says Big E, about Kofi referencing the Social Outcasts. They have New Day Ice Cream Blueprints. Kofi vs Bo is the match. Bo rolls to the outside and distracts Big E by shaking his booty before stealing the Ice Cream Blueprints. He tears them in half and Big E and Woods start crying. Kofi dives on Bo and rolls him into the ring. Bo recovers though and gets a two count off a hangman overdrive. Kofi wins in the end though. Then E and Xavier pour Booty-O's into Bo's face. "Everyone knows you don't feed breakfast cereal to an unconscious man," says Corey Graves.
Backstage, uh, Charlie? Interviews Neville. She asks him about his opponent at Fastlane Jack Gallagher. Neville says Jack poses him no threat. TJP, that goober, poses him a bigger threat. Jack runs in and calls Neville a "bloody pillock."
Festival of Friendship video package dedicated to Team Kevin and Chris memories.
We're in the purple zone, folks, as Noam Dar (accompanied by Alicia Fox) faces off against Gentleman Jack Gallagher. Gallagher's antics are extremely boring. Where's Pete Dunne. Gallagher wins off his terrible headbutt. Then Neville's music hits.
Joe arrives in the arena in a limo with Triple H. The Main Event Mafia is here!
Emmalina tonight. I don't think so, Tim.
Emmalina's beautiful twinkling music and lights start. Wow, she actually came out. She cuts a promo saying the crowd has seen the makeover of Emma to Emmalina, and now they're going to see the makeover of Emmalina to Emma. This is dumb but it's more Emma than I expected to see on TV.
Charlie interviews Bayley. She reveals the Womens title match is the main event. Bayley always sounds like she's on the verge of tears, even when she's cutting like a pumped up hype promo. Tonight she achieves her dream by winning the Raw women's championship.
La Fiesta de los Amigos is tonight! Owens and Jericho are talking about it and the surprises in store backstage when HHH walks up and asks to speak to Kevin exclusively.
BRAAUUUUUUN. Braun dominates Mark Henry for five minutes. He goes for that bad version of Goto's chop move but Mark powers out. He does a babyface comeback that should be way hotter than it is in this crowd. Mark easily lifts Braun up for the world's strongest slam but Braun shifts his weight and splashes the world's strongest man. Braun takes Mark off his feet with a shotgun dropkick. Wow. Braun pins Mark with a slam. As soon as the bell rings, Roman's music hits and he comes down the ramp. Braun lays Roman out and screams "You can't win!" Braun rules.
Cole is going to do an exclusive interview with Joe backstage.
Backstage Cesaro and Sheamus are training Bayley for her match against Charlotte when Enzo and Cass run in. Sheamus calls them muppets and then trips all over his line.
Why are they selling this pre-tape as if it's live. What's the point. I'm boycotting this segment.
Sami out next against my main man Rusev. It's amazing how little one can care about two guys he loves when they're wrestling for no reason with no stakes. Sami catches Rusev with a flash Helluva kick after Rusev rams his nose into the turnbuckle stunning himself. I can't believe it's only 9:30. This show is eternal. Charlie asks Sami on the ramp if this match boosted Sami's confidence. The crowd faintly whats him. Sami says that the game is getting knocked down and getting back up, not taking shortcuts or selling out like Samoa Joe. So I guess that's Joe's Fastlane feud. Joe's music hits. Joe takes a different entrance to the ramp than the main 'tron one to jump Sami. He slams Sami into the minitron, bending it. He then locks in the Cocina Clutch until Sami goes unconscious. "If you say my name, you put respect on it."
Cut to backstage where Charlotte is lacing her boots!
Teddy Long is going in the Hall of Fame this year. I hope he talks about the Cesaro/Aksana cucking feud in his speech.
In the purple zone, it's Akira Tozawa. His music is so good. The Brian Kendrick is on commentary. Tozawa is going to wrestle Ariya Daivari. The commentary is so bad. Tozawa is amazing though. He wins.
The Festival of Friendship begins with a big fireworks display and showgirls. Jericho and Owens come out. Jericho is wearing a white sequined fedora and a matching jacket with three scarves. Jericho reveals he had art commissioned to honor their friendship. It cost $7,000 and it's two figures entwined and kissing. "Do you know how hard it is to get a genuine Guggenheim?" Jericho reveals the second piece of art. It's the Creation of Man but with Jericho and Owens. Jericho then brings out Friendship the magician. He does the "pulling tape out of his mouth" deal that Phantasio did. Then he makes a rose appear. Owens isn't impressed so Jericho puts him on the List. Owens asks Jericho where he found Friendship, Jericho sheepishly says "craigslist." Jericho says that he's sorry he didn't help Owens end Big Bill's career last week when they had a chance. Jericho calls out Goldberg so he can get... Commercial break.
IT! Goldberg's music hits. Gillberg comes out. Owens beats him up and he's upset with Jericho for this funny gift instead of the serious gift of crippling Bill Goldberg. Jericho apologizes and says that he'll have Owens' back always and forever because they're friends, more than friends, brothers and Chris loves Kevin. Owens apologizes for being testy and says he loves Jericho back and they hug. I love these guys. Owens got Jericho a present too. Jericho starts to tear up, "it's perfect." He pauses. "How come my name's on this." He lifts the clipboard up and reveals that it's the List of KO. Owens lays Jericho out. He throws Jericho's stupid gifts on the ground and then attacks him around the ringside area. Owens keeps beating and beating on Jericho until he puts him through a metal sign Jericho had in the ring. It looks very violent. Owens leaves as the referees run and cover up Jericho's, presumably bloody, forehead.
Enzo and Cass out next. Time to turn the show off I guess. It's a promo segment but Cass isn't wearing pants so it's not going to be a promo segment. This is a hugely bad promo attacking the babyface team of Cesaro and Sheamus, focusing on the babyfacest part of the team Cesaro, and the crowd almost starts to turn on them. Oh he's wrestling Cesaro tonight. Cesaro basically squashes Enzo. Sheamus wants a piece of Cass.
Main event time as Bayley comes out for her match against Charlotte. Which of these two women will walk away with 10 pounds of leather and gold? This is definitely a WWE big match. The finish comes when Dana runs in to try and get the distraction but Bayley chases her off and locks Char-dogg in the Figure 4. Dana comes back and gouges Bayley's eyes to break the hold. Charlotte puts Bayley in the Figure 8. Sasha runs in, drops Dana with a crutch shot to the back and then breaks the hold by nailing Charlotte with the crutch. Bayley hits Charlotte with the Bayley-to-Belly for the one two three. That match was really fun. I think I'm going to stop doing this after the night after Wrestlemania.
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