Live from beautiful Portland, Oregon, it's Monday Night Raw. Seth blew out his knee in the main event last week but plans haven't changed. Goldberg is booked tonight. A new Hall of Fame inductee will be announced.
The Mickster and Stephanie are in the ring. Mick reluctantly introduces Samoa Joe. Joe is in a suit. I had to walk away from the TV for a minute but then I walked back and Roman was talking. Mick says he's going to protect Raw from Triple H since he's the people's representative and books Joe vs Reigns for tonight.
Bayley out. She's booked in a rematch against Charlotte next week. This week, though she has to go through Nia Jax. Nia Jax has new gear and it's somehow worse than her old gear. I'm sure they have some old Kharma costumes left laying around, just give her one of those. Bayley knocks Nia to the floor and is about to take the countout when Charlotte comes out. She distracts the ref, allowing Nia to recover, and pin Bayley with a Samoan drop.
BRAAAUUUN. He's in a four on one match against every indie wrestler in the Pacific Northwest. Corey says they look like they belong on the cover of a Winger tribute album. One of the guys runs away after Braun knocks the other three down. Braun does moves to the other three and gets a triple three count. Braun gets on the mic and he's back on the "Mick Foley doesn't give me enough competition" tip. He storms to the back to give the Mickster a piece of his mind. Backstage, Mick gets in Braun's face. Braun says "I want everyone." Mick gives him exactly one. Roman vs Braun at Fastlane.
An Akira Tozawa video package plays featuring Cesaro talking about Tozawa's "lethal kicks."
We're in the purple zone baby as Akira Tozawa comes out to face off against Drew Gulak. Tozawa is so good. I think this is the first good match in the purple zone on Raw? It's a real good match. Tozawa wins with the great German suplex. Tozawa played a bunch to the crowd during this match, I hope he doesn't get in trouble! After the match, Spanky comes out and shakes his hand.
Team Kevin and Chris out. Jericho is wearing three scarves and very tight pants. Owens is here to gloat about how he retains the title no matter what. Chris Jericho says he's the greatest of all time, greater than Tom Brady. Huge babyace reaction. Tom Brady is a stupid idiot. Jericho puts him on the list. Jericho wants to main event Wrestlemania with Owens in a title versus title match, the biggest match in Wrestlemania history. The #61minuteman Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens, yeah! Yeah! Jericho saying "yeah" twice like a jerk gets the crowd chanting yes. Owens agrees it would be the biggest match but he's not sure if he can fight his best friend. I love it. Goldberg's music hits. He challenges Team Chris and Kevin to a two on one match right here, right now! Goldberg turns his attention to Brock and accepts the rematch. Owens starts mock clapping. He calls Goldberg "Bill" and says that Lesnar/Goldberg would be the best undercard match for "KOMania 2." Team Kevin and Chris is the main event. Goldberg says the reason Owens is the longest reigning Universal champion in history is because he hasn't faced Goldberg. Goldberg says Owens' dance card is open for Fast Lane and challenges him to a title match. Jericho threatens to put Goldberg on the list but he takes the list away from Jericho and puts his own name on it. Jericho flips his top. "You've got a big fat mouth, okay? And I never liked you, understand me? So if you want a match at Fast Lane, you got a match at Fast Lane. Because at Fast Lane it's Goldberg versus..." Long pause. "Kevin Owens for the WWE Universal championship, you got it!" Kevin Owens is next.
Backstage, Owens is upset with Jericho for accepting the match. It's not what best friends do. Jericho says that, as best friends, they're unstoppable, so they shouldn't be worried about Goldberg.
Cesaro and Sheamus face off next with the new tag champs, Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows, Gallows and Gun, the Club. Enzo and Cass are sitting at ringside. They run through their moves. Gallows next knocked to the floor in front of Enzo and Cass and they attack them, causing the DQ. Sheamus and Cesaro are upset at the two Gs.
All the black wrestlers read a book report about Jackie Robinson.
Michael Cole tells us Seth Rollins at 'Mania is "doubtful."
IT'S A NEW DAY. They're to wrestle the Shining Stars. The New Day make fun of the timeshare gimmick. They say it's just a gimmick and not real. The New Day is real, unicorns are real, Franchesca is real, Booty-o's are real. It's real. Big E threatens to bring back the WWE ice cream bars. I guess he's getting beat by Kevin Nash and then by Mickie Gall. The New Day team tonight is Woods and E vs Primo and Epico. The crowd chants ice cream. Cole says he's unimpressed by the Shining Stars. The New Day win with their Midnight Hour move, Woods screaming "ICE CREAM" the whole way.
Backstage, Charly interviews Jericho. He says he and Kevin are having a tiff, but all friends argue and they're still friends. Kevin runs in and they chase Charly off. Kevin tells Chris that he was wrong to get upset with him and they will have each others' backs forever. They hug and say "Come on, best friend."
The Rock n Roll Express are to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2017.
Sami Zayn versus Chris Jericho. Jericho is accompanied to the ring by his, and not Sami's, best friend, the WWE Universal champion Kevin Owens. I think this is a US Title match. They lock up and Sami messes up Jericho's hair. Jericho rolls to the outside after a La Magistral cradle and complains to Owens about his hair. A "this is awesome" chant from the Portland faithful. This is the best match on the show thus far, but awesome? Jericho puts Sami in the walls, Sami gets to the ropes. Jericho springs to his feet, distracting the ref, and Owens superkicks Sami. Jericho follows that up with a Codebreaker for the 1, 2, 3.
Backstage, Charlotte finds Sasha in the trainers room. She's rubbing her title reign and lack of injuries in Sasha's face. She hopes Sasha's career isn't over and definitely seems sincere.
Austin Aries in the ring with a microphone. He's going to interview Neville in the ring. Aries announces a Fatal Five-Way match for the number one contendership to Neville's belt. TJ Perkins, Noam Dar, Cedric Alexander, Jack Gallagher, and Tony Nese. Neville says everyone will be forced to bend the knee and pay respect to the king of Cruiserweights. All the wrestlers who are going to be in the match come out. TJ is the only one to get real promo time and he says a bunch of video games things. A brawl starts. Gallagher and Neville are the last ones left standing but even that devolves and the segment ends with a bunch of dumb dives. Yawn, where's Tozawa.
Emmalina promo.
When we return from the Emmalina vignette, a six man tag has broken out. Neville, Dar, and Nese versus Gallagher, Cedric, and TJP. This is the opposite of the good Tozawa/Gulak match. The crowd loves Jack, though. I don't, but the crowd does. Neville walks out on the match. Cedric gets the pin on Dar with an amazing Lumbar Check.
Jericho suggests a festival backstage to Kevin Owens. "A festival of friendship." Next Raw is at Las Vegas and it's the perfect place for an "extravaganzza." He sells Owens on it and says "don't you dare miss it." Owens smiles and nicely says "I wouldn't miss it for the world." I love these two.
Roman out for his match against Joe. Joe jumps him on the ramp. The battle of the Samoan Joes is on. This is a Samoa Joe match with Roman bumping his butt off for him. Joe working real snug too. Roman keeps trying to get Joe up for the Samoan drop but he can't. Joe is too fat. Roman finally manages to get the Samoan drop at 11:06 but it's only good for a two count. Roman has Joe beat and Corey even says the myth of Joe is about to be dispelled when Braun hits the ring. Unbelievable. Joe plants Roman with a Uranage off the distraction, which Cole calls a "Urana-- A suplex!" for the win. Braun then hits Roman with his move and the crowd chants "Thank you Stroman!" Braun's move isn't enough to put Roman down. Braun then does Hirooki Goto's move, which doesn't keep Roman down, and follows it up with a steel stairs shot. That finally seems to damage Roman. Braun puts Roman through the barricade to end the show.
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