Monday Night Raw comes to you tonight live from beautiful Nashville, Tennessee, Music City USA. Rusev has issued an open body slam challenge, the winner gets a Maserati.
Opening the show is Triple H, using his heel music again. After weeks of him using the babyface music, finally back to the heel music. Triple H says that fearing authority is nature's way of making the little people stay in line. He says that Roman should have known his place and listened to his fear. "Roman" chants. Welcome to the last episode of Raw where Roman Reigns is going to get a babyface reaction before Wrestlemania. Roman is sitting home this week because Triple H turned his nose into jelly last week. Triple H says no one should question his authority when Dean Ambrose's music hits. He saunters down to the ring to "Ambrose" chants. Dean says Roman says hi. Triple H says Dean won an Oscar for "best supporting actor," which is clever, but then he says "in a bromance" which isn't clever. Dean says last week was crazy and he recaps the entire episode. Dean asks Triple H who he didn't want to win the triple threat match at Fast Lane. Triple H says it doesn't matter, because Dean wasn't a factor in the match. Dean says he's pretty sure he's the last guy Triple H wanted to face at Wrestlemania. HHH laughs at him. Dean says Triple H is a smart guy, smart enough to know he can't beat him. He can tell from Triple H's body language and smell his fear. He calls him "son." Triple H says the smell is actually laundry detergent. The crowd chants "you can't beat him." Dean asks him for a match. The crowd starts chanting "yes" but he cuts them off, because he's not done yet. He wants a match for the belt. He says Roman signed the contract for a title match at Wrestlemania, but not necessarily one against Triple H. Triple H tells him this isn't how it works, you can't just demand a match. He says before the end of Raw, he'll let Dean know if he can have his match. He was going to give Dean the night off but now he has to face Alberto Del Rio and the League in the main event. Also tonight, the Undertaker, player!
Next up is a number one contender's match for the Divas title between Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks with Charlotte sitting at ringside with Ric. Becky botches avoiding a baseball slide and just no-sells it to hop in the ring and baseball slide at Sasha. It looked so awkward. Sasha sunset flip bombs Becky off the turnbuckle. She puts her legs on Becky's arms and Becky's legs on her arms, but they both just lay flat on their backs instead of sitting up and the ref counts a double pin and declares the match a draw. This isn't a finish. It should be actual, irl illegal to book this and pretend this is a finish. The crowd chants triple threat while Charlotte looks on confused.
Bray cuts a spooky promo from the smokey room. He says that his mind is the key to saving the world. If you join him, he'll bring you eternal paradise but if you don't, he'll damn you to hell.
We come back to Raw with the Miz in the ring and Dolph making his entrance. Dolph will be on Sportscenter tomorrow night. ESPN really getting desperate. Last week, ON THE PRE-SHOW, Dolph and Miz had a backstage segment. Dolph says no one will remember the Miz and he doesn't deserve to face Kevin Owens at Wrestlemania and doesn't deserve to be a WWE Superstar. The Miz gets a flash pin and beats Ziggler in a matter of minutes. Thank goodness, I didn't want to watch this match anyway. AJ and Jericho vs the New Day tonight.
The entire block of Raw between two commercial breaks was a recap of the Shane segment last week. So much of the show tonight has been dedicated to recapping things, even more than usual.
The 9PM segment is Stephanie accepting her VJM Legacy of Excellence award. She has a binder. She says Shane isn't here tonight and she's going to give a speech. She's reading a boring speech she printed out and put in a binder while the crowd boos her. She puts the binder down, picks up the trophy, and goes in on Shane. Says he abandoned the WWE and abandoned her. She doesn't respect him because he doesn't respect her. She says her daughters have just as much claim to the next generation of WWE as Shane's sons. The Undertaker is not only going to defeat Shane at Wrestlemania, he's going to dismember him and also kill him. Shane reminds her of the crowd because he's a lazy, entitled millennial just like all of you people. I guess Vince will be here later. That was a terrible segment.
The Lucha Dragons are up against the League of Nations, Sheamus and Rusev, next. Did they forget about the body slam challenge or did Rusev go into business for himself when he declared a body slam challenge? They didn't forget, they're talking about it on commentary. I don't understand what the point of the body slam challenge is if they're just facing the Lucha Dragons in a match. The League win as usual and Del Rio does his stupid, contrived finisher to the US Champ.
Backstage, Renee interviews Nattie, asking her how she stays so fit despite being so busy. Its Subway. She eats Subway. She eats Subway and takes pictures of herself posing with Subway.
Its feeding time as the master of the feed me more comes down the ramp for his match tonight against one of the Social Outcast goobers. Ryback squashes Adam Rose. Lays him out with ground n pound and then Shellshocks him and storms out of the ring.
It's a New Day, yes it is! They cut a promo asking why the New Day is the most successful group in WWE. It's because they're a brotherhood and they do some brother hugs, including a three way hug. They say they're the best three man group of all time. Michael Hayes incoming. They're better than Sonic & Tails, Snoop & Dre, Edge & Christian, Booty-Os & Milk, or Y2AJ. It's one for all and all for the New Day. Jericho's music interrupts them before they can do their song. AJ gets his own entrance with pyro and everything. The New Day make AJ draw a card and then say that they have their number and that it's hilarious. I love the New Day. Xavier says he used to know AJ, but now he's beating him up! Jericho makes Kofi tap out to the Walls. It would be nice if this lead to a title match instead of these two singles stars pinning the champs and doing nothing. Y2AJ say they deserve the next shot and they want it on Raw next week. TODD CHRISLEY IS IN THE CROWD TONIGHT WITH HIS WEIRD KID/GRANDKID/WHATEVER.
Please welcome Vince for the 10PM segment. Vince is disappointed by his reaction, says "Don't you know who I am?" That's Bully Ray's gimmick, Vince. He says the fans want Shane to lead the company into a bright new future but its not going to happen because it would take a miracle for Shane to beat the Undertaker and only fools believe in miracles. Vince says he loves Shane enough to teach him a lesson he'll never forget. He loves him enough to make him wrestle the Undertaker. The bell tolls and out comes the Phenom. Vince says that Taker is his force of destruction. Taker grabs Vince by the throat and says "you know what's going to happen when I close that door behind me at Wrestlemania. You know what I do. The blood of your son is going to be on your hands, not mine." He walks out. Vince says that he'll still be standing in the ring after Wrestlemania, knowing that Shane failed to beat the Undertaker and failed as his son. Shane will lose the match and his inheritance as Vince will write him out of his will and give everything to Stephanie. He will renounce Shane. He will no longer be his son, but will instead be a son of a bitch.
Now its time for the Usos. One of them is going to be wrestling Bubba Ray. D-Von pulls out a table and Jimmy superkicks him, but Bubba Bubba Bombs Jey for three while Byron screams about the Dudleys being hypocrites due to their whole "no more tables" thing.
Backstage, Goldust is still trying to get Truth to team with him. Truth does not want to be in a tag team with Goldust or anybody else.
Kevin Owens is out first for his non-title match against the Big Show. Randy Houser is in the crowd tonight. Randy Houser and Todd Chrisley. Owens almost immediately tornado DDTs Big Show on the floor but Show makes it back before the ten count. Big Show then crotches Owens on the top rope and Owens gets counted out. I guess the finish was a reference to something that happened on Smackdown, when Owens crotched Big Show. I don't care.
Renee interviews Brie backstage but Lana crashes it and calls Brie skinny and Bryan weak. She says the crowd pities her. Brie says Lana can't say anything until she steps into the squared circle and calls Rusev a bear from "the movie the Revenant."
In the ring, after the commercial break of course, Brie is wrestling Naomi. The match goes for a while and Brie holds her own despite Tamina interfering but eventually the numbers game catches up to her. Naomi puts her in a submission hold but Brie doesn't tap. She does tap, however, to Naomi punching her in the face. After the match, Rusev's music hits and Lana stands on the stage clapping for Brie.
Backstage, Becky and Sasha are arguing about their bad finish. Charlotte runs in and says they get a rematch for the number one contendership on thursday. She says "as far as I'm concerned, ya both lose!"
It's time for the main event, Dean Ambrose versus Del Rio! Triple H still hasn't announced his decision regarding Ambrose's title shot. They wrestle until Triple H comes down to ringside and the League of Nations run in for the DQ. They lay out Dean who writhes on the mat while Hunter cuts his promo. Hunter says Dean never learns. Dean pops up and goes after Triple H but he lays him out with the pedigree. Triple H tells a now-dead Ambrose that his title match is on. Triple H walks up the ramp. Dean, still lying on the match, gets a microphone and says "Thanks!" Triple H rolls his sleeves up and returns to punish Dean for his insolence. Byron Saxton gets caught in the collateral as Triple H goes to pound Dean into the announce table. As Triple H punches Dean in the face, the camera is doing it's usual bad shaking but this time its like in perfect sync with Triple H's punches, exposing how clearly worked every blow is. The show then ends. Happy Leap Year.
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