I missed the first half of the first segment! Goldberg is in the ring and so is Paul Heyman. Brock's music hits but he doesn't come out and Heyman brags about punking Goldberg, all the idiot fans, and Goldberg's son. Goldberg turns on Heyman and starts walking him down while he begs for his life when Rusev's music hits and he makes the save. The crowd chants we want Lana. "Who do you think you are?" asks Rusev. "I'm Goldberg, boy." The crowd chants Goldberg. Rusev calls Goldberg old and says he can't hang with the boys today. He's not fast or strong enough to spear or jackhammer anyone. He doesn't have the heart to take a beating anymore. Rusev says it's easy to talk trash about people when you know Brock isn't here. But Rusev is here and he sees how scared Goldberg is to stand across the ring from him. "Rusev crush." Rusev sucker punches Goldberg and Goldberg no sells it. Goldberg easily gets the best of Rusev and jackhammers him. He then clumsily spears Heyman. I wish Goldberg did that to somebody I like less than Rusev. Corey is dressed like David S. Pumpkins and Byron is dressed like himself but wearing pajamas.
Back from commercial, Corey let's us know that Byron's costume is adult baby diaper lover. Enzo and Cass are dressed like Buzz Lightyear and Woody. Doc and Karl aren't wearing costumes unless "bald goober" is a costume now. There are like two dozen carved pumpkins around the ring side area along with two candy corn colored kendo sticks and a tub for apple bobbing. Cole makes a Kevin Dunn joke but I missed the setup so. Enzo says that Cass has "a friend in me." They call Gallows and Anderson "Big Gal and Andy." Enzo is going to beat Big Gal down to infinity and beyond. He pulls the string on Cass' back and he says the thing from the movie. Cass says Gallows has candy corn for testicles. I'm so glad we're getting some more "comparing testicles to small foods" again. I miss the heady days of tater tots. Gallows vs Enzo is the match and the bell rings! Enzo hits Gallows with the skeleton and he sells for it. Enzo then crams an apple in his mouth and punches him so the apple explodes. This match is better than I expected. Enzo pies Anderson with pumpkin pie when Anderson tries to interfere and Cass follows it up with a big boot to put him through a table. Cass puts a big pumpkin on Gallows' big pumpkin and Enzo wins with a top rope DDT. Cole informs us Paul Heyman is going to the local medical facility due to the spear.
The Cruiserweight title rematch is next. I extremely don't want to watch this match again. TJP makes his entrance but The Brian Kendrick has a microphone for his. He says that nice guys always finish last. He calls everybody a sucker and that the "let me win" stuff was just "psychology." He was preying on TJ's sympathy. The Brian Kendrick retains when he loses via countout. TJ chases Kendrick as he gloats his way up the ramp. TJ puts the kneebar on Kendrick until two referees peel him off.
Backstage, Foley talks Walking Dead with a PA. Braun Stroman interrupts. Braun demands a place on the Survivor Series team. He demands a spot on the team or he'll beat up "half the roster." Mick says he can't acquiesce to threats. Mick books Braun in a battle royal for a spot on the team.
Foley in the ring after the commercial break to discuss the PPV. He says what happened in the Universal title match left a bad taste in his mouth. Owens' music hits and Team Kevin and Chris come down to the ring. Owens and Jericho antagonize Mick for a while. Jericho calls the key he used to lock himself in the cell with Owens and Rollins "the key of Jericho." "Lock it in, mannnnnn." Mick sows some dissension himself and brings Roman out. I missed why he's bringing Roman out because, to be honest, I mostly zone out when Mick speaks. Huge "Roman sucks" chant. Mick says his wife loves him. Roman says "Happy halloween to y'all. Sounds like we got some ghosts in the crowd but it's all good." Roman weakly zings Jericho a couple times and he sells it so huge, Jericho is great. Jericho refuses to put Roman on the list. Nobody gets to go on the list tonight because nobody in Hartford deserves to go on the list. Jericho says he would take Roman's belt right now but he won't because Roman is probably too hurt to wrestle. Mick books the match for tonight.
Halloween battle royal. No one is wearing costumes except for Darren who is dressed like Bob Backlund. In this match is Braun, Truth, Goldust, Sami, Cesaro, Sheamus, Titus, Neville, Darren, Bo, Jinder Mahal, Curtis Axel. Truth eliminated first by Braun Stroman. Then Bo by Braun. Neville and Cesaro and Sami and Sheamus all team up on Stroman. Stroman falls out through the second rope, not eliminated. Sheamus and Cesaro eliminate Jinder and then Darren. Braun hurls Curtis Axel out. Cesaro eliminates Sheamus but he's immediately eliminated by Stroman. Titus got eliminated at some point because he's not in the ring anymore. Braun heaves out Neville like a sack of potatoes, leaving him and Sami in the ring alone. Some "ole" chants. Braun goes to dump Sami out but Zayn reverses, landing on the apron. Braun overpowers Sami and eliminates him, he's going to Survivor Series.
Backstage, the New Day are dressed as the three faces of Charles Wright. Big E is Kama Mustafa, Xavier is Papa Shango, Kofi is the Godfather. They have a moment of silence for Franchesca II. RIP in peace. Franchesca II's sister should be here soon. The New Day are the tag team Survivor Series captains. It's their jobs to scout Smackdown but Xavier doesn't watch it because he has D&D on Tuesdays. They run down the Smackdown teams and put over American Alpha.
A six man tag in the Cruiserweight division. Rich Swann, Lince Dorado, and
Charlotte out for the 10 o'clock segment. She's being carried to the ring by four hunks dressed as Roman centurions. Roman Reigns should be carried to the ring by hunks like that too. Everyone should be accompanied by hunks at all times. That's the lesson to be learned from Dalton Castle. Charlotte calls the crowd peasants. Charlotte calls out all the women on Raw and all the women on Smackdown. She says Bayley is the weak link on the Survivor Series team and calls her out. The crowd chants Bayley and she tells them to stop so she can put Sasha over. Yikes. I more or less stopped watching this. Eventually Charlotte brings out Nia Jax to wrestle. Nia Jax beats Bayley pretty handily.
Sheamus and Cesaro wrestle the Shining Stars, Primo and Epico. Sheamus makes Epico tap out to the cloverleaf. This was bad. This is a bad episode of Raw, fun holiday match notwithstanding.
They play a vignette featuring Truth and Goldust at a haunted house. Truth sees a zombie with long hair and says "sup Roman." This isn't good. There's clowns. This is bad. I like these guys, this is a bad vignette.
Bacsktage, Jericho makes a list of all the things he's been. Owens walks in and tells Jericho that he's going to beat Roman. He calls Roman the walking bottle of hair conditioner. He tells Jericho to take it back to Canada and make it the Canadian title. Jericho asks Kevin to have his back and Kevin says most definitely.
Jericho vs Reigns for the United States title is our main event tonight. The match goes for almost 20 minutes of nothing followed by a spear. Owens breaks up the pin following the spear and causes the disqualification. Crowd starts chanting "we want Rollins" as Owens and Jericho beat Reigns down. They do a pop up codebreaker which is pretty cool. Rollins then comes out to make the save. Seth clotheslines Owens, slingblades Jericho, then does a bunch of dives onto Owens on the floor. He sets Jericho up for the Pedigree but Owens drags him out of the ring as Rollins poses on the ropes. Meanwhile, Reigns gets back to his feet. The crowd starts Yes chanting for some reason? Don't know what they're yessing given they were booing Reigns earlier. Oh, I guess that was a staredown. Roman's music starts playing and the show ends. Yikes
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