Welcome to the Phillips Arena in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia. Hotlanta, you may call it. Finally we are with one unified commentary, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker, who sucks.
Match number one is Ezekiel Jackson vs Christian, in a battle of biblical names. Big Zeke is accompanied by William Regal who is almost immediately ejected from ringside. Jackson is absolutely huge. Christian retains the ECW title with the killswitch.
Backstage, Teddy Long and Tiffany get run in upon by Cryme Tyme who only got one number for the rumble again. This time they coerced someone else to give them a second number. Its the Great Khali. Ranjin Singh makes the save though. They say some "slangy" things, then Ranjin says "We get all our slang from Family Matters reruns." Khali hikes his pants up and says "Did I Do That." Some more nonsense happens, Teddy Long starts singing "Pants on the Ground" at Cryme Tyme. The Miz runs in, says that Pants on the Ground is going to be forgotten in five years just like Who Let The Dogs Out. Teddy Long makes Miz have a match immediately against MVP for his United States title as punishment. They all then start singing Who Let The Dogs Out.
Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton commiserate in the back. Cody says that he'll always have Randy's back but that Ted's been saying he's gonna win the Rumble and face him at Wrestlemania.
Striker sucks, but he's better than JBL at least. Miz vs MVP is pretty uneventful. The Playmaker is reversed but MVP recovers and hits a Yazuka kick. Skull Crushing Finale reversed into a roll up, a bunch of pinning combinations. Miz retains his title via roll-up but eats a Playmaker after the match.
Big Show and Jericho have a moment. Truth interrupts their moment.
Randy and Ted have the same conversation Randy and Cody had, except Ted says that Cody wants to face Sheamus at Wrestlemania.
In the match for the WWE title match, the two men, Orton and Sheamus, run through their moves. Cody jumps Sheamus, Orton RKOs Sheamus for the pin, but the ref say Cody so Sheamus wins via DQ. There's an RKO chant as Randy stares down Cody. Ted runs in. Orton single-handedly beats down both men and has them cornered when he eats a bicycle kick from Sheamus. Everybody gets laid out and no one gets over.
Michelle McMcool cuts her usual Mean Girls promo about Piggie James and claims Mickie isn't there tonight. Layla comes out in the fat suit. Mickie finally runs down. Michelle accidentally kicks Layla, Mickie takes advantage and hits the Mick-DT for three. The whole match lasts like two minutes. All the other Divas come out with a huge cake and pie LayCool.
Our fifth match tonight is between the Undertaker and Rey Mysterio, for the World Heavyweight Championship. Taker just clean tosses Rey from the ring. Taker is dominating, Striker sucks. This match is just brutal. Taker counters the 619 into a tombstone but Rey escapes. Rey counters the Last Ride into an Asai Moonsault, Taker is busted open. West Coast Pop, two count. Rey hits a 619 into another 619 goes for West Coast Pop again, he gets caught and it gets countered into a last ride for three. Undertaker retains his title.
Shawn Michaels is watching the match from a monitor backstage. Kane says that no matter Shawn's obsession with the Undertaker, he's never going to win the rumble. Triple H comes in, Shawn apologizes to him, and they wish each other luck in the Rumble.
The By The Numbers video package runs.
Justin Roberts runs down the rules. Number one is Dolph Ziggler, number two is Evan Bourne. They shake hands and square off. Number three is CM Punk, the Straight Edge Savior, with Serena. He handily eliminates the other two, Punk cuts a promo saying superstars will be either thrown over the top or saved. One or the other. The buzzer rings for the next competitor, its clobbering time. Number four is JTG who cannot be saved. Just as not everyone can win the rumble, not everyone can be saved. Number five is Great Khali. Punk tries to get Khali to make the pledge to him, to integrity, to sobriety. Khali refuses and brain chops him. Number six is Beth Phoenix. She eliminates Great Khali via a kiss. She brawls with punk but he puts her to sleep and dumps her out. Number seven is Zack Ryder. Punk says Zack has potential but attacks him anyway and eliminates him. There are CM Punk chants. "Watch me rise," he says, "Who's next... I am better than them." Number eight is Triple H. Number nine is Drew McIntryre. Punk tries to put Hunter asleep but gets countered and eliminated. Number ten is Ted Dibiase, eleven is Morrison, twelve is Kane, thirteen is Cody Rhodes, fourteen is MVP. The Miz jumps MVP in the entrance way. Number fifteen is Carlito. Number sixteen is the Miz. MVP runs in after him and they eliminate each other. Number seventeen is Matt Hardy who gets eliminated by Kane, who is himself eliminated by Triple H. Number eighteen is Heart Break Kid. He eliminates Legacy, Carlito, and John Morrison. DX eliminate Drew McIntryre. DX alone in the ring/ Number nineteen is John Cena who is pedigreed by Triple H. Hunter gets superkicked from the ring by HBK. Shelton Benjiman is twenty and eliminated by Cena. Yoshi Tatsu gets eliminated by Cena at number twenty one. Number twenty two is the big show, twenty three is Mark Henry, twenty four is Chris Masters, who is eliminated by Show. Twenty five is R-Truth who eliminates both Mark Henry and Big Show. Number twenty six is Jack Swagger. Number twenty seven is Kofi Kingston, who eliminates Swagger and Truth. Twenty eight is Chris Jericho. Cena Attitude Adjustments Kofi out of the ring. Twenty nine is a prematurely returning Edge who eliminates Jericho. Number thirty is Batista. Cena, HBK, Edge, and Batista are out final four. They all hit finishers left and right. Michaels is rolling, Striker is sucking. Batistia eliminates Shawn Michaels. HBK gets back in the ring, screaming and yelling, his dreams dashed. He superkicks Charles Robinson and leaves. Cena eliminates Batista, Edge eliminates Cena. Your winner of the twenty ten Royal Rumble, the Rated R Superstar, Edge!
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