Live from the home of the WWF, Madison Square Garden in beautiful New York, New York. JR and King on commentary, the set tonight looks amazing.
First up, the undefeated Kurt Angle appears, in a match against an undisclosed opponent. That opponent's music hits and its the human suplex machine Taz. After a lot of suplexes, Taz locks in a hold that chokes Angle out. An illegal choke defeated Kurt Angle.
Backstage, Michael Cole interviews the Hardy Boyz with Terri. They're gonna put the Dudleys through tables or they're gonna die trying.
Before the tag team tables match between the Hardys and the Dudley Boys, Bubba Ray cuts a promo. He still has the stutter gimmick. He gets a bunch of cheap heat and the Hardys come out. A quick side effect is followed up with by a tope con hilo by Jeff. Jeff eats a high velocity table shot but it doesn't break. A ladder is introduced. Jeff bends a chair in half over Bubba Ray's head. The Hardys put him through a table. Matt and Jeff then put themselves through tables but the match continues. It has to be an offensive motion to score tables in this match. Right now, both the Hardys and D-Von have yet to go through tables. Bubba Ray Bubba Bombs Matt through a table. The Dudleys set up a table in the entrance way, no, a two tiered structure of tables. Matt Hardy is set up on the top level of ta table. Bubba Ray drags Jeff up the ladder into the second level of Madison Square Garden. Matt moves off the table, Bubba gets knocked down off the balcony via chair shot and gets put through the table structure. Matt sets D-Von up on another table there in the entrance way, and Jeff hits the senton bomb, winning the match.
Backstage, a doctor looks over Kurt. Kurt says if he got choked out, he's still undefeated.
Next is the Miss Rumble 2000 contest. How exciting. The judges for the swimsuit contest are Sergeant Slaughter, Tony Garea, the Fabulous Moolah, Johnny Valentine, Classy Freddy Blassie and Andy Richter from the Conan O'Brien show!. King is the MC. The contestants are Ivory, who is reluctant to join in the contest, Terri, who is wearing essentially nothing, Jacqueline, B.B., Luna, and the Kat, who is wearing a bikini made of bubble wrap. King is losing his mind/ Mae Young does a run in and takes her top off. Thus, she wins the contest.
Coachman checks in from WWF New York. It looks like it sucks there. Backstage, Jericho and Chyna bicker over who is the real Intercontinental champion. Jericho gets Earl and Dave Hebner confused.
Our third match is a three-way for the undisputed Intercontinental Championship. Hardcore Holly vs Chris Jericho vs the ninth wonder of the world Chyna. Jericho has a bad beard as he welcomes us to Madison Square Jericho. Holly goes right after Jericho. Chyna does the HBK corner bump. There's a great chop-off between Holly and Jericho. Jericho gets Holly in the walls but Chyna breaks it up. Jericho nearly botches a springboard plancha. Holly gets a chair but eats it via a Chyna dropkick. Chyna is such a slow worker. Its like watching a normal person her size moving through molasses. She low blows Jericho and pedigrees Holly, who kicks out. The men hit a doomsday device on Chyna. Chyna suerplexes Holly, she grabs a chair and brains Holly with it. She puts him in the Walls of Jericho but Jericho hits her with a bulldog. Lionsault, three count, Jericho is your undisputed Intercontinental champion.
Michael Cole interviews the Rock backstage. The wrestlers the Rock is intimidated by are Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Rock calls out the Big Show. When the Rock isn't trying to cram all his catchphrases in, he's an amazing promo.
Next match up is for the World Tag Team Championship. The New Age Outlaws vs the Acolytes. Mr. Ass literally dies off a clothesline from hell. Literally dead. Faarooq pins Road Dogg but the ref gets bumped. X-Pac runs in and gets beat down, but Mr. Ass hits the FameAsser off the distraction for three. X-Pac is the worst.
Some context for what happens next: Triple H cheated to win the strap so he could run the company with Stephanie McMahon. With him in charge, he and DX fire Mankind. The Rock successfully petitions to get him back. Triple H gives Mankind his title shot but not before mauling him. Mankind says that he gives up, that Triple H beat him, that he's relinquishing his title shot to one man. One man who would never give up: Cactus Jack.
Triple H is accompanied to the ring by Stephanie McMahon for his street fight for the World title against Cactus Jack. Cactus picks up two off a leg drop on a chair on Triple H's face. They brawl into the crowd and down to the entrance way. Cactus suplexes Hunter onto a pile of palettes, ripping open HHH's leg. Hunter suplexes Cactus onto a trash can. Cactus brings out a 2x4 with barbed wire wrapped around it, Triple H low blows Cactus and takes control of the bat. Cactus low blows him and hits a DDT for two, and a visual pin as the ref is trying to get rid of the barbed wire bat. Cactus goes in search of the bat and finds it under the spanish announce table. He socks Carlos Cabrera for his troubles. He hits Hunter with the barbed wire, visual pin, two count. Hunter is punctured open due to that bat to the face, his face is quickly covered in a crimson mask. Cactus drives the wire into HHH's skull, he's dripping with blood. Jack tries to piledrive Hunter through the announce table, gets backdropped, blood smeared all over the table surface. JR puts both guys over, Jack for being a crazy, sadistic monster, and Hunter for just staying alive through this unbearable beating. This match is amazing. Hunter works Jack's leg. Hunter handcuffs Cactus Jack. Jack drop toeholds Triple H into the ring steps and bites him. Hunter breaks a chair over Cactus' back. Another chair, another chair shot. The Rock runs in and distracts Triple H long enough for a policeman to uncuff Jack. Cactus comes back on the offensive. He piledrives Hunter into the announce table. He introduces a sack full of thousands of thumbtacks. Stephanie runs in, Triple H backdrops Jack into the tacks and hits the Pedigree. One, Two, CACTUS KICKS OUT. CACTUS JACK KICKS OUT OF THE PEDIGREE. Hunter drags him up, pulls him over to the tacks, Pedigrees him again into the thumbtacks, finally, somehow, picking up the three. That match. That match is incredible. HHH is stretchered out but Cactus Jack, somehow nearly unfazed, drags him back to the ring and nails him one more time with the barbed wire bat. There is so much blood everywhere.
Coachman at WWF New York interviews Linda. She says that even though its the "McMahon-Helmsley era" things will still be run the McMahon way.
It is time now for the Royal Rumble match. Fink runs down the rules. Number one is D'Lo Brown and number two is Grand Master Sexay. The mat is still bloody. X-Pac is announced as number thirty. Number three is Mosh, dressed more like an idiot than usual. Kai En Tai run in and get thrown out. Number four is Christian, number five is Rikishi, he eliminates Mosh and Christian and D'Lo, leaving just him and Grand Master Sexay alone in the ring. Number six is Scotty 2 Hotty. They dance together! Scotty does the worm! Then Rikishi eliminates 2 Cool and resumes dancing on his own. Number seven is Steve Blackman who is eliminated via Rikishi Driver. Number eight is Viscera, who is quickly eliminated via superkick. Number nine is the Big Bossman, who refuses to get in the ring with Rikishi. Number ten is Andrew "Test" Martin who jumps Bossman and throws him in the ring. Number eleven is Davey Boy Smith. Rikishi tries to Banzai Drop Bulldog but eats a low blow. Number twelve is Gangrel, and Kai En Tai try to run in again. TAKA takes an insane, sick bump getting thrown out. Number thirteen is Edge. Rikishi finally Banzai Drops someone, the Big Bossman. Number fourteen is Bob Backlund!!! Everyone eliminates Rikishi to the sound of boos. Number fifteen is Y2J, Chris Jericho. He eliminates Backlund. Backlund leaves via the stands, forgoing the entrance way. Number sixteen is Crash Holly. Number seventeen is Chyna who goes right after Jericho. Chyna suplexes Jericho to the floor and get eliminated herself by Bossman. Number eighteen is Faarooq. The Mean Street Posse run in and eliminate Faarooq. Number nineteen is Road Dogg and number twenty is Al Snow. Road Dogg eliminates the British Bulldog. Number twenty one is Val Venis, followed by Kai En Tai running in again, this time without TAKA given that he is at a hospital after that crazy bump. They keep replaying the TAKA bump. Number twenty is Prince Albert, Edge is eliminated. Twenty three is Hardcore Holly, twenty four is the Rock, the crowd goes insane. They come completely unglued. He eliminates the Big Bossman. Number twenty five is Mr. Ass. The Rock eliminates Crash. Number twenty six is the Big Show who eliminates Test and Gangrel. Twenty seven is Bradshaw/ The Posse run in again and eliminate him with an assist from the New Age Outlaws. Number twenty eight is Kane who eliminates Val Venis. Number twenty nine is the Godfather, completely with the Ho Train. Prince Albert is eliminated by Kane. Kai En Tai run in but its just Funaki. They replay the TAKA bump and JR calls King xenophobic. Number thirty is, of course, X-Pac. Snow eliminates Hardcore Holly, Show eliminates Snow. Mr. Ass eliminates Road Dogg. Kane eliminates Mr. Ass. Rock eliminates X-Pac but the refs didn't see it. X-pac eliminates Kane, Show eliminates X-Pac again. Rock hits a people's elbow on the Big Show, the Big Show chokeslams the Rock. Finally, the Rock eliminates Show. Your winner and number one contender, The Rock. The Rock starts to cut a promo about how he's going to Wrestlemania, but Show jumps him to close out Royal Rumble 2000.
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