Its a forty man Rumble tonight from the Boston Garden in beautiful Boston, Massachusetts. A three-man booth tonight, King, Striker, and heel Michael Cole. Get ready for quite the night.
Our first matchup tonight is Dolph Ziggler vs the World Heavyweight Champ Edge. Dolph's girlfriend and interim general manager of Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero, has declared the Spear banned from this match. Not only will using the spear end the match in disqualification but will also strip Edge of the belt and award it to Dolph Ziggler. Some moves happen, whatever, its a match. A DDT on Dolph leads to the cover. Vickie pulls the ref out of the ring at two and a half. Edge gets rolled up off the distraction. Kelly Kelly makes the save. Zig Zag, two count. The ref gets bumped, Vickie gets bumped, the crowd starts calling for a spear. Edge hits one on Ziggler. Hauls the ref back to his feet, locks in the Killswitch and drops Ziggler for the win.
Backstage, the Miz gets some cheap heat. He has the worst catchphrase in the history of wrestling.
The next match is for the WWE title, the challenger Randy Orton vs the champion The Miz. Cole is somehow overshadowing Striker in awfulness during this match. Miz is accompanied by Alex Riley, A-Ri. Orton is just destroying the Miz. Completely one-sided, makes it look like the Miz has no place in a wrestling ring, let alone with the Viper. The momentum shifts when A-Ri gets involved. And boy, does he get involved. This match just goes on and on. Miz grabs his title and tries to leave. Orton drags him back. As they get in the ring, the New Nexus shows up on the ramp. Orton hauls up Riley and tosses him at the Nex Nexus, bumping the ref. Orton RKOs the Miz. CM Punk rolls into the ring, hits the Go 2 Sleep on Orton, rolls the Miz on top of Orton and leaves with the rest of the New Nexus. Miz retains.
Todd Grisham reads Dashing Cody Rhodes' public statement following his disfigurement at the hands of Rey Mysterio. He demands an apology from Rey.
Next up is a 2-on-1 handicap match between LayCool and Divas champion Natalya. The Anonymous Raw GM interrupts and makes the match a Fatal Four Way: Michelle McCool vs Layla vs Natalya, vs Eve Torres. Double sharpshooter spot. LayCool are working together. Michelle bicycle kicks Layla accidentally, followed by a picture perfect moonsault by Even ends up in a pin on Layla. Meanwhile on the otherside of the ring, Michelle has Natalya rolled up. The ref counts three and awards the win to Eve rather than Michelle.
Backstage Bryan and Gail Kim are hanging out. Bryan says he wants to win the Rumble for validation. He wants to go to Wrestlemania to prove to everyone he's not just a geek. The Bellas run in, call Bryan and Gail geeks and start brawling. Meanwhile, Cole buries Bryan for no reason, again. He also says the Miz would be a great Revolutionary War hero.
The By The Numbers video package plays.
Justin Roberts runs down the rules. Number one is CM Punk. Before number two can come out, the Corre surrounds the ring. They move to beat down Punk when the New Nexus hit the ring. The two factions brawl until the Anonymous Raw GM interrupts, forcing the stables to the back until their numbers are called or get disqualified. The people begin to chant for CM Punk. Number two is Daniel Bryan! This rules. There are dueling chants. Wrestling rules. Number three is Justin Gabriel, quickly eliminated by Bryan. Number four is Zack Ryder, who is also quickly eliminated by Bryan. Number five is William Regal. Regal and Bryan, mentor and protege, have an european uppercut contest. Number six is Ted DiBiase, number seven is John Morrison. Regal tries to eliminate Morrison but he sticks to the Barricade and hops back in. DiBiase eliminates Regal. Yoshi Tatsu is number eight, number nine is Husky Harris who protects Punk. Number ten is Chavo. He tries three amigos on Ted, then on Punk, then on Morrison, but finally scores with Bryan. Number eleven is Mark Henry who eliminates Chavo and Tatsu. Number twelve is JTG. Thirteen is Michael McGillicutty who eliminates JTG. The New Nexus eliminate Dibiase. Number fourteen is Chris Masters, number fifteen is David Otunga. Punk eliminates Bryan and Masters. The New Nexus eliminate John Morrison and Mark Henry. The New Nexas are alone in the ring. Sixteen is Tyler Wrex, eliminated by punk, number seventeen is Vladimir Kozlov, eliminated by Punk, eighteen is R-Truth, eliminated by Punk. Number nineteen is the Great Khali who eliminates Husky Harris. Number twenty is Mason Ryan who eliminates Khali, leaving New Nexus alone in the ring again. Number twenty one is Booker T and Matt Striker, insufferable as he is, pushes it to another level. "This is a mark out moment. I'm marking out, bro!" Booker T does a Rumble spinarooni and gets eliminated by Punk to the tune of "We Want Cena" chants. Number twenty two is, in fact, John Cena, he eliminates Mason Ryan, Michael McGillicutty, and David Otunga. Number twenty three is Hornswoggle. Cena AAs Punk out of the ring. Number twenty four is Tyson Kidd. Hornswoggle Attitude Adjustments him and Cena tosses him over the top. Number twenty five is Heath Slater. This is so Goofy. Swoggle hits tiny versions of every one's finishers before Slater is eliminated. Twenty six is Kofi Kingston. Twenty seven is Jack Swagger. He Swagger bombs everyone.Number twenty eight is King Sheamus. Hornswoggle tunes up the band and hits Sweet Shin Music. Sheamus eliminates him. Number twenty nine is Rey Mysterio, he eliminates Swagger. Number thirty is Wade Barrett. Number thirty one is Dolph Ziggler. Thirty two is Diesel. Fire Striker. Thirty three is Drew McIntyre, thirty four is Alex Riley. Barrett eliminates Diesel, Miz joins commentary, making there a total of three insufferable douches on commentary. Number thirty five is Big Show, "Somebody shut his mic off," says Cole about Striker. Show eliminates Dolph. Thirty six is Big Zeke who eliminates McIntyre and Show. Alex Riley gets eliminated around here somewhere. Number thirty seven is Santino. Number thirty eight is Alberto Del Rio, but you already knew that. Number thirty nine is Randy Orton, he jumps ADR, RKOs everyone, eliminates Kofi and Sheamus. They tease Cena/Orton like its Warrior/Hogan but no one cares.Number forty is Kane who eliminates Big Zeke. Rey eliminates Kane, Barrett eliminates Rey. Barrett, Cena, Orton, Del Rio. Still, no one cares about Cena/Orton. ADR gets AAed, Miz eliminates Cena. Orton eliminates Barrett, ADR eliminates Orton. Santino, laying in wait not having been eliminated, sneaks up behind and hits the cobra on Del Rio. Shades of 95! But Alberto dumps him out anyway, that sequence serving just to diminish Del Rio's moment in the sun a little. Your winner of the 2011 Royal Rumble, Alberto Del Rio.
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