Live from the American Airlines Arena in beautiful Miami, Florida, its the Royal Rumble 2006! Another brand split Rumble, Cole and Tazz for Smackdown and King and Joey Styles for Raw. The set is absolutely hideous. It looks like Wrestlemania IX mixed with King of the Ring 96.
First up is a real cluster-you-know-what. Its a six-way texas tornado cruiserweight champion-only championship match. Re-read that. Its Kid Kash, the current Champ, vs Funaki vs Jamie Noble vs Nunzio vs Paul London vs Gregory Helms, even though Helms is no longer a cruiserweight he is eligible for the match. This match is absolute nonsense. London does a shooting star press from the top turnbuckle to the floor, though, which is always cool to see. Helms wins with a shining wizard on Funaki, making him, a heavyweight, the new cruiserweight champ. This match is unfollowable.
Teddy and Vince are backstage. Vince is very creepy towards the Divas. Randy draws his number followed by Triple H. Hunter keeps making really childish sex jokes, it makes him look like he's fourteen.
Trish is warming up for her performance as special guest ref in the Mickie James vs Ashley Massaro match. Mickie tells Trish she loves her.
Next is said Mickie/Ashley match with Trish as Special Guest Ref. This is a competitive, back-and-forth match that the crowd completely turns on. Mickey botches a move into a pin, Trish applies the slow count but Mickie wins anyway. Mickie jumps around the ring in celebration.
Helms is being interviewed by Josh Matthews on the internet.
The backstage Divas show Vince their tattoos. Big Show offers to show his tattoos too. Rey is dedicating his performance in the Royal Rumble to the deceased Eddie Guerrero. Rey blames Eddie for giving him a poor number.
MAtch three is JBL vs the Boogeyman. The Boogeyman vomits worms on Jillian Hall, then hits his move on JBL, squashing him.
Shelton and his Mama are backstage. Shelton vows to eliminate Shawn Michaels for Vince. Melina hits on Shelton but his Mama has nothing of it. Mercury and Nitro draw numbers. Melina promises that MNM will eliminate HBK too.
Lilian Garcia begins to run down the rules for the Royal Rumble when the Spirit Squad interrupt. They do a little cheer about the Rumble then scamper away. Lilian resumes running down the rules but she says Woyal Wumble.
Number one is Triple H and number two is Rey Mysterio, wearing an Eddie shirt and riding a lowrider. Number three is Simon Dean on a segway. He is eliminated by HHH and Rey together. Number four is Psicosis, who gets eliminated via headscissors. Ric Flair is eliminated by Hunter. Number six is Big Show. Number seven is Coach, eliminated immediately by Show via pieface. Number eight is Bobby LAshley, number nine is Kane. Lashley does his moves to people. Number ten is Sylvan. He's eliminated by Lashley. Lashley gets eliminated by Kane and Big Show, but Triple H eliminates the two giants. Number even is Carlito, number twelve is Benoit, number thirteen is Booker T, who is immediately eliminated by Benoit. Number fourteen is Joey Mercury, number fifteen is Tatanka Native American, number sixteen is Johnny Nitro, number seventeen is Trevor Murdoch, number eighteen is Eugene, number nineteen is Road Warrior Animal. umber twenty is RVD who eliminates Animal. Twenty one is Orlando Jordan, twenty two is Chavo. He hits the three amigos and gets eliminated by the Game. Number twenty three is Matt Hardy. Tatanka is eliminated. Number twenty four is Super Crazy. Number twenty five is the Heart Break Kid, he eliminates Murdoch. Twenty six is Chris Masters. Number twenty seven is Viscera who dry humps Matt Hardy and eliminates him. Number twenty eight is Shelton Benjamin with his Mama. Benoit eliminates Eugene. Number twenty nine is a returning Goldust, number thirty is Randy Orton, he eliminates Benoit. Masters and Carlito eliminate Vis, but Carlito eliminates Masters. Goldust shatters Carlito's dreams then gets eliminated by RVD. Orton eliminates Orlando Jordan. Nitro and Mercury are eliminated by HBK. Shelton eliminates Shelton as Vince comes down to ringside. Shane McMahon creeps up behind Michaels and eliminates him. They brawl to the back. RVD eliminates Carlito. Is Orton, Hunter, Rey, and RVD left. Mysterio and Van Dam team up but Mysterio eliminated RVD. Double six one nines, west coast pop, but the Game cuts Mysterio off. Rey eliminates Triple H. Triple H slams Rey into the ring steps and feeds him to Orton. Rey hurricanranas Orton for the win. Your 2006 Rumble winner, Rey Mysterio.
Backstage, Mickie and Trish. Mickie thinks Trish loves her back.
Edge and Lita interrupt Rey's celebration, being total buzzkills
John Cena vs Edge starts with the lowering of a very awesome entrance ramp. Its so much cooler than the actual set. Why didn't they just go with this one? Anyway, this is back and forth, dueling chants, Cena, Edge, etc. Lita distracts the ref giving Cena a visual pin off a five knuckle shuffle. Edge then accidentally spears Lita, distracting him enough to get locked in the STFU. He taps and Cena wins back his championship.
Angle and Mark Henry ends with a schoolboy after Mark conks his noggin on an exposed turnbuckle. After the match Taker rides in on a chariot, calls for the strap, then destroys the ring. Tazz cusses.
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