Live from the Phillips Arena in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia, its the Royal Rumble, 2002 Edition. JR and King are with us again, as is an incredibly ugly set. What was the WWF thinking in the early '00s?
First match is between the Dudley Boys and the unlikely team of Tazz and Spike Dudley. The Dudleys are accompanied by Stacy Kiebler. Spike is wearing a neck collar.Taz hits the Tazzmission on Stacy, distracting D-Von. The distraction allows Tazz to lock the Tazzmission on him to retain the belts.
Backstage, Edge says if William Regal wants to play dirty, Edge is even dirtier.
The next match is betweel William Regal and Edge and is for the Intercontinental Championship. At the outset, the ref finds brass knuckles in Regal's tights. Regal hits a Tiger bomb. Edge DDTs Regal on the apron. Regal gets the Stretch locked in, Edge gets to the rope and triers to apply the Regal Stretch himself.Regal pulls the ref in front of the Edge spear, the ref gets bumped. Regal pulls some nucks out of nowhere and KOs Edge. The ref comes to, counts the pinfall, Regal is the new Champ. He calls his magic fist the "Power of the Punch."
Jacqueline is the special guest referee in this Women's title match between Jazz and Trish Stratus. Twish's hand is taped up. Jazz gets in Jackie's face, she retaliates with s slow count. There are a surprising number of moves occurring in this match. Stratusfaction for three, Trish retains.
Backstage, Ric Flair brought his kids, Reid and Megan, to watch his street fight with Mr. McMahon.
Vince looks so juiced. Vince vastly overpowers Flair. This match is just two old men whacking each other weapons. Flair gets busted open, big surprise! Vince works Flair's leg and puts him in the Figure four, Flair rolls it over. Vince gets a pipe, Flair lowblows him and chops him apart. Flair knocks Vince out with the pipe, figure four, Vince taps.
Stephanie says Triple H is gonna destroy everyone. Stone Cold appears behind her and Whats her. Stone Cold says what he'll what win what the Rumble what.
Our next match is for the Unified World Championship. The Rock vs Chris Jericho. Jericho immediately exposes a turnbuckle. He hits two perfect lionsaults and gets a two count only. The Rock puts Jericho in the sharpshooter and he taps out but before the ref can call for the bell, Lance Storm and Christian run in. Jericho goes for the people's elbow, but the Rock kips up and throws Jericho out. They go through the English announce table, leaping from the Spanish announce table. Jericho kicks out, puts the Rock in the walls but he gest to the ropes. Ref bump, belt shot. A second ref runs in. One, two, the Rock kicks out. Rock hits the DDT but Nick Patrick, the referee, refuses to count the fall.T he Rock rock bottoms the ref. He gets the People's Elbow but there's no ref. Jericho hits him with a low blow, rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, Hebner comes to, and Jericho pins the Rock with his feet on the ropes.
HBK is at WWF NY, he predicts either Austin or the Undertaker will win the Rumble.
Fink runs down the rules for the Royal Rumble match. Number one is Rikishi, number two is Goldust. He looks fat. Number three is Boss Man. Number four is Bradshaw. All four of these guys look fat. Rikishi stinkfaces Bossman, superkick, eliminates him. Number five is Lance Storm, number six is Al Snow, and number seven is Billy Gunn. Snow eliminates Storm, Billy eliminates Bradshaw.Number eight is the Undertaker, he cleans house, chokeslams out of the ring Al Snow and Rikishi and Billy. Number eight is Matt Hardy with Lita. Lita low blows Taker, Matt hits the Twist of Fate. Number ten is Jeff Hardy. The Hardyz and Lita beat Taker down, Twist of Fate, Swanton, They go for Poetry in Motion, Jeff gets eliminated, Matt takes the Last Ride before being eliminated. Number eleven is Maven. Team Extreme run back in and Maven eliminates Taker. Maven goes through the bottom rope and gets murdered graphically. Number twelve is Scotty 2 Hotty. Taker clocks him, then drags Maven through the stands and out into the concourse where he puts him through a popcorn machine. Number thirteen is Christian and fourteen is me, its me, DDP. Scotty hits the WORM but DDP eliminates him. Number fifteen is Chuck Palumbo. JR says "Chucky is yucky." Number sixteen is the Godfather with not one, not two, but three ho trains. Christian eliminates DDP. Number seventeen is the Hip Hop Hippo, Albert. Everyone eliminates Albert. Xtian and Chuck eliminate Godfather. Eighteen is Perry Saturn. Number nineteen is STONE COLD. He eliminates Christian, stunners Saturn and eliminates him, and eliminates Chuck. He drags Christian back in and stunners him to waste time. He does the same to Chuck. Eventually number twenty is called and its a returning Val Venis. Number twenty one is Test who gets stunnered and eliminated. Val Venis also eliminated. Number twenty two is the Game, Triple H. HHH and Austin really go after each out viciously. Number twenty three is Hurricane Helms, who tries to double chokeslam Game and Stone Cold but just gets eliminated hilariously. Number twenty four is Faarooq. Stunnered and eliminated. Number twenty five is an old looking Mr. Perfect. Number twenty six is the Big Show. Number twenty eight is Kane. Kane and Show do the mirror chokeslam spot. Kane bodyslams Show out of the ring. Stunner on Kane, Angle olympic slams Kane over the top rope. Triple H, Steve Austin, Mr. Perfect, and Kurt Angle are the final four. Angle eliminates Austin. Austin, the sore loser, comes back in and chair shots everyone. Perfectplex on Kurt followed by Hunter eliminating Perfect. Triple H eliminates Angle. Your winner, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, the Game, the Cerebral Assassin, Triple H.
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