Welcome to the Scottrade Center in beautiful St. Louis, Missouri. This is the twenty fifth Royal Rumble and for the first time, ever WWE employee is eligible for entry. King, Cole, and Booker on commentary tonight.
Match one is a three way steel cage match between champion Daniel Bryan and challengers Mark Henry and the Big Show. Big Show busts out some superkicks. Show KOs Mark, allowing Bryan to climb the cage. At the top, Show grabs him and does some curls with him before Bryan finally falls to the floor for the win.
A Cena video package plays, hyping his match with the Rock.
An eight divas tag match is next. Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Beth Phoenix, and Natalya vs Tamina Snuka, Eve Torres, Alicia Fox, and Kelly Kelly. Tamina's hair looks like she's been in a wind tunnel. Kelly does a top rope plancha. A Glam Slam puts Kelly away for three.
John Laurenitis gives wheelchair-bound Zack Ryder his own dressing room with all kinds of snacks that Zack likes in there. Eve runs in and owns Big Johnny with some ten-cent words. Zack is made to look absolutely pathetic. Maybe Zack is absolutely pathetic.
Kane comes down to the ring for his match against John Cena wearing this weird like welding mask over his normal, regular mask. It looks dumb. This match is a wrestling match and it ends in a double countout. The two men brawl backstage where Cena gets taken out with a few chair shots. Kane goes and wheels Zack down to the ring. Eve runs in again. Kane tombstones Zack. Cena comes back and gets chokeslammed. Kane leaves, having destroyed everyone.
Somebody call my momma, because its the Funkasaurus versus Drew McIntyre. Drew gets squashed with What The Funk in record time. Brodus jiggles a lot.
Big Johnnie is the ref for the CM Punk vs Dolph Ziggler match for the WWE Championship. Johnny says he'll put a proper qualified ref in the ring and only ref in case of emergency. First act of business as ref, John ejects Vickie from ringside. Punk gets two off a liger bomb. Punk just punts Ziggler in the head for two and it looks super gross. The ref gets bumped. Punk locks in the vice and Ziggler taps but Johnnie is intentionally looking the other way. Johnny rolls the ref back into the ring and squares off with punk. Johnny gets bumped! Ziggler gets put to sleep but Big Johnnie wont count the pin, looking away intentionally. Another G2S countered into a fameasser. The ref finally comes to. Punk puts Dolph to sleep, but this time Johnny counts the pin, one, two, three, Punk retains. This match is OverBooked.
The By The Numbers package airs.
Justin Roberts runs down the rules. Number one is the Miz who cuts a promo. CM Punk he ain't. Number two is Alex Riley, he's eliminated by the Miz. Number three is R-Truth, four is Cody Rhodes, five is Justin Gabriel, number six is Primo. Miz eliminates Truth but gets conked on the head on the floor and laid out. Number seven is Mick Foley who eliminates Primo. Number eight is Ricardo Rodriguez. He eliminates Gabriel with assist from Mick. Number nine is Santino, he eliminates Ricardo via Wedgie. Number ten is Epico. He eats a Cobra, then literally eats Mr. Socko, getting eliminated. Cody and Mix eliminate Santino and Foley. Number eleven is Kofi Kingston, number twelve is Jerry Lawler. He runs through his spots, drops the strap etc, and gets eliminated by Cody. Number thirteen is Ezekiel Jackson, fourteen is Jinder Mahal, fifteen is Great Khali. He eliminates MAhal and Big Zeke. Number sixteen is Hunico. Number seventeen is Booker T. Kofi handstands his way to the steps from the floor in this year's "wow what a wacky thing" gimmick. Number eighteen is Dolph Ziggler. Number nineteen is Hacksaw Jim Duggan who is eliminated by Cody Rhodes. Khali and Booker are both eliminated. Number twenty is, of all people, Michael Cole. Number twenty one is KHARMA who eliminates Cole and hits an implant buster on Dolph. Hunico is eliminated by her, but she's eliminated by Dolph. Number twenty two is Sheamus who eliminates Kofi. Twenty three is Road Dogg, twenty four is Jey Uso, twenty five is Jack Swagger, twenty six is Wade Barrett, eliminates Road Dogg, number twenty seven is David Otunga, number twenty eight is Randy Orton. He eliminates Jey, and RKOs and eliminates Barrett. Number twenty nine is Jericho who eliminates Orunga. Number thirty is the Big Show. Show eliminates Swagger and also hits him with the Big Right Hand. He eliminates Cody and Miz simultaneously and also Dolph. Sheamus, Jericho, Big Show, and Orton are the final four. Orton RKOs Show, eliminating him. Jericho eliminates Orton. Jericho and Sheamus face off. Jericho goes for pins and submissions. He slaps Sheamus, Sheamus hulks up. Brogue Kick, Sheamus is the winner of the twenty twelve Royal Rumble!
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