Live from the Wachovia Center in beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, its the split-branded Royal Rumble 2004. King, JR, and the Coach on Raw commentary, with Cole and Tazz for Smackdown.
For the Tag Team title on the Raw brand its the Dudley Boyz vs the champs, Evolution, Batistia and Ric Flair. Flair runs through his spots. Couch runs down. Dudleyz try to "whazzzzap" him. Batistia puts D-Von through the table off the distraction, champs retain.
Josh Matthews has Bieber hair as he interviews John Cena. Cena does a rap, RVD does a run in, Cena insinuates that RVD is very high. "Word mother-fricken Life."
Next,for the Cruiserweight title on Smackdown is the champ, Rey Mysterio vs Jamie Noble, with the blind Nidia. This match is fastpaced and acrobatic given that Rey Mysterio actually has knees. Nidia accidentally sets Noble up for the 619. The champ retains with a springboard legdrop.
In another Smackdown match, we see family vs family in Chavo Guerrero, Jr vs Eddie Guerrero. Chavo Sr. accompanies Chavito down to ringside. Chavo brawls, Eddie wrestles. They trade Amigos. Eddie wins with the frog splash without throwing a punch, After the match though, he beats Chavo bloody in front of Chavo's dad.
Backstage, Chris Benoit reveals that he drew number one. Evolution runs in and says Randy Orton is going to win the Rumble.
Up next is another Smackdown match, Hardcore Holly vs Brock Lesnar. Lesnar broke Holly's neck last year and he's looking for vengeance. It is impossible to take Bob Holly serious as a contender to Brock Lesnar's WWE Championship. Holly hits him with an Alabama Slam followed up by a full nelson. Brock reverses the nelson into an F5 for the retention.
Backstage Triple H tapes his fists while HBK prays.
In a Raw match is a Last Man Standing match for Triple H's World Heavyweight Championship vs the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels. A table spot is set up but ignored. Fans boo. Shawn misses an Asai moonsault and puts himself through the SAT and gets busted open. Last Man Standing matches totally suck. Triple H introduces a chair, whacks HBK with it. Shawn reverses the Pedigree onto a steel chair, HHH gets busted open. Michaels hits the elbow drop, tunes up the band, but gets low blowed. Triple H gets knocked out with a sleeper but gets up at eight. The Game pedigrees HBK, 9, HBK sweet Chin Musics Hunter, ten count. Triple H retains.
JR and Tazz are at commentary as Fink tries to run down the rules. Bischoff runs in, followed by Heyman. They argue until Sheriff Austin rolls into town. He stunners Bischoff, gives Heyman a beer, and stunners Heyman.
Terry interviews number thirty, Goldberg. Lesnar runs in. They cut bad promos at each other.
Austin had invited Mick Foley to come watch the Rumble, but Foley never showed up. JR calls him a coward.
Number one is Chris Benoit, number two is Randy Orton. Benoit wrestles like this is a regular match and not a sixty minute gruel. Numbedr thiree is Mark Henry, number four is Taijiri, number five is Bradshaw. Benoit counters the Clothesline from Hell into a crossface and eliminates Bradshaw. Rhyno is number six, he gores Taijiri out. Benoit eliminates Mark Henry after Henry was misted by Taijiri. Number seven is Matt Hardy V1. Number eight is Scott Steiner, Number nineteen is Matt Morgan. Number ten is Hurricane Helms. Morgan hurls him out of the ring and it looks like he's really flying. Number eleven is Booker T, and number twelve is Kane. Steiner is eliminated by Booker T. Kane chokeslams the enormous Morgan. Number thirteen, Undertaker's music plays and Kane freaks out, however its just Spike Dudley. Booker T eliminates Kane. Number fourteen is Rikishi. Benoit eliminates Rhyno, Morgan gets Stinkfaced. Number fifteen is Rene Dupree who eliminates Matt Hardy, and gets eliminated by Rikishi via superkick. Sisxteen is A-Train. Benoit eliminates Matt Morgan. Orton eliminates Rikishi and Booker T. Number seventen is Shelton Benjamin. A-Train is eliminated and Shelton is eliminated by Orton. Orton and Benoit are the only two left in the ring, exhausted and laying flat. Out comes, at eighteen, who but Ernest "The Cat" Miller. "Somebody call my momma! Somebody call my momma! Somebody please call my momma!" He's eliminated by Orton after an extended dance routine. Number nineteen is Kurt Angle. Number twenty is Rico who gets eliminated by Orton. Number twenty one is Test but he's been KO'd backstage. Sheriff Austin deputizes a new number twenty one. Number twenty one is Mick Foley! He eliminates Orton and himself The brawl to the back. Number twenty two is Christian. Number twenty three is Nunzio who hides outside the ring. Number twenty four is Big Show, twenty five is Jericho, number twenty six is Charlie Haas. Jericho eliminates Christian. Number twnty seven is the returning Mr. Ass Billy Gunn. He FameAssers the enormous Big Show. Number twenty eight is John Cena who spots Nunzio and drags him into the ring. Number twenty nine is RVD. Cena FUs angle. Number thirty is, who else, Goldberg! He eliminates Haas, Gunn, and Nunzio. Lensar runs in, F5s Goldberg, Angle eliminates him. Everyone hits their finishers on Show. Show eliminates Cena and RVD, Jericho puts Show in the walls but gets Chokeslammed out. Angle slam on Show and Benoit. Ankle lock on Show, show eliminates Angle off an ankle lock counter. Benoit eliminates the Big Show via a front chancery to go to Wrestlemania!
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