Live from the AT&T Center is the Heart Break Kid's home town, the beautiful San Antonio, Texas. Another brand extension show, another three announce teams. JR and King for Raw will be commentating Cena vs Umaga for the WWE title, Cole and JBL will be doing the same for Smackdown's Kennedy vs Batista World Heavyweight Title match, and Tazz and Joey Styles will be picking up the rear with ECW.
First match up is MNM vs the Hardys. Joey Mercury's face is all mangled from a botch at the hands of one of the Hardys so he's vowed to break their faces. Jeff Hardy is Raw's Intercontinental champion. MNM work Matt Hardy's face and Melina screams horribly. A twist of fate into a swanton bomb gives the Hardys the win.
Coach, Teddy, and Kelly Kelly oversee the Rumble roulette. Edge and Orton open their numbers. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." King Booker runs in, incredulously.
The ECW brand's title match of the night is between Andrew "Test" Martin and Bobby Lashley. Test works Lashley's shoulder to the point that Lashley can't get Test up to do his move. Test walks away from the match and gets himself counted out. Lashley drags him back to the ring and hits his move.
John Cena's doctors have not cleared him to wrestle in the Last Man Standing match against Umaga tonight. Vince wants Cena to simply forfeit the belt.
Next is the World Heavyweight Championship match between Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) and Batista. Kennedy works Batista's knee. Batista hulks up, the ref gets bumped, Kennedy gets a visual pin after a lowblow. Ref gets back up, Kennedy hits a DDT, but Batista kicks out. Batista Bomb for three.
Jesse Thorn gets a number and Hornswoggle runs around. The Great Khali takes a bunch of numbers.
Match number four is the big one. WWE Champ John Cena vs the Samoan monster Umaga. Cena limps to the ring. The rings steps are introduced. Cena throws them from inside the ring to the floor, hitting Umaga. Cena fails to FU Umaga and brains himself on the steps, he gets busted open. Cena brutally smashes a monitor into Umaga's head. Its realy gross looking. Umaga tries to running splash across all the announce tables but misses, putting himself through one. He gets up at 9.99999. Estrada takes off the top rope so his Monster can hit a super samoan spike with the turnbuckle. Cena manages to FU Umaga before the spike can connect, He puts the STFU on Umaga, using that top rope. Umaga powers up to his feet. Cena pulls back on the rope with all his strength, finally knocking out Umaga for ten and retaining his title in an absolutely awesome match.
Lilian runs down the rules for the Royal Rumble match. Number one is Ric Flair, number two is Finlay, number three is former Spirit Squadder Kenny Dykstra, number four is Matt Hardy, number five is Edge. Flair introduces a chair but gets eliminated by Dykstra, who gets eliminated by Edge! Number six is Tommy Dreamer, number seven is Sabu, who sets up a table at ringside. Number eight is Gregory Helms, still Cruiserweight champ, and number ten is Kane, who eliminates Dreamer and Chokeslams (and eliminates) Sabu through the table he set up. Number eleven is a newcomer named CM Punk, Number twelve is King Booker, he eliminates Helms. Number thirteen is Super Crazy. JBL hates Mil MAscaras but he also buries Super Crazy and the rest of the talent in the ring. Number fourteen is Jeff Hardy, number fifteen is Sandman, who is eliminated by King Booker, Number sixteen is Randy Orton, eliminating Super Crazy and the Hardys. Rated RKO is now in the ring together. Number seventeen is Chris Benoit, number eighteen is RVD. Booker is eliminated by KAne. Booker comes back in and eliminates Kane. Number nineteen is big Viscera. Number twenty is Johnny Nitro, twenty one is KEvin Thorn, twenty two is Hardcore Holly, twenty three is HBK, who eliminates Finlay and Shelton Benjamin Everyone eliminates Viscera. Number twenty four is Chris MAsters. Nitro is eliminated by Benoit. Number twenty five is Chavo. Benoit eliminates Thorn. Number twenty six is Montel Vontavius Porter. RVD eliminates Masters. Number twenty seven is Carlito, twenty eight is Great Khali, and twenty nine is the Miz who is eliminated immediately. RVD is eliminated as is CM Punk, Carlito, and Chavo. Number thirty is Undertaker. Taker eliminates Khali. Only Rated RKO, HBK, MVP, and Taker remain. Taker goes old school on MVP and eliminates him. Orton brains Taker with a chair, busting him iopen. Orton RKOs HBK while arguing with Edge. Taker goes to chokeslam Orton but eats a spear. A second chair to Taker's head. Con Chair To set up. HBK eliminated Rated RKO before they can execute. ITs down to the two legends, the two cornerstones of the company, Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker. They both lay knocked out in the center of the ring. Taker sits up, Shawn kips up. They brawl. Shawn drops the elbow. His Sweet Chin Music is reversed int a Chokeslam. Michaels superkicks his way out of a tombstone. Michaels gets eliminated, Undertaker is your winner of the 2007 WWE Royal Rumble match!
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