Welcome to the New Orleans Arena in beautiful New Orleans, Louisiana for Royal Rumble 2001! JR and King are our commentators. There's a real ugly set that looks like a bunch of christmas lights threw up.
First up is the Dudleys vs Edge & Christian. The Dudleys run through their moves and hit the 3D for the win in a fun, nothing match without any tables at all.
Drew Carey is in the building tonight. So are Triple H and Stephanie. Stephanie is going to be an enforcer in Triple H's match tonight to neutralize Trish Stratus' influence. Drew Carey busts in. He knows Kamala. He's here tonight promoting an improv PPV. Steph leads Drew to Trish's locker room.
Next is a ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship between "Y2J" Chris Jericho and champion Chris Benoit. This match is pretty hard to watch as there are a ton of weapon shots. Jericho puts Benoit in the walls on the ladder. Benoit puts Jericho in the crossface and Jericho taps out, but its a ladder match, folks. You can't tap out in a ladder match! Jeez louise. Benoit drops a headbutt from the top of the ladder and its very scary. He just thumps chest first into the mat. In the end, Jericho wins and we have a new champ.
Backstage, Drew Carey is hitting on Trish Stratus. "I've got two shows, you know," he says. He asks Vince how to promote a show, Vince tells him to enter himself into the Royal Rumble.
Chyna and The One Billy Gunn discuss Chyna's upcoming match against Ivory of Right To Censor. Chyna isn't cleared to face her after her horrific neck injury.
Jericho is proud he proved Benoit wrong and took his title.
Right To Censor has great music as the next match begins. Chyna vs Ivory. Chyna comes out with a pyro cannon. The two women brawl into the crowd. Stevie Richards runs in. Chyna does a backhandspring and tweaks her neck, paralyzing her. There's a Sergeant Slaughter chant as Chyna is stretchered out to an ambulance.
Stephanie and Trish Square off backstage while Drew Carey meets Kane. Three dudes who are all dressed like Tiger Ali Singh are arguing about who gets to be in the Rumble. Vince tells them that none of them will be in the Rumble, as Drew Carey has taken their place. "Who is Drew Curry?" asks Tiger.
Our final, non-Rumble matchup is Triple H vs champion Kurt Angle for the World Heavyweight Championship. Hunter comes out with Stephanie, Angle with Trish. HHH does the HBK corner bump. There are some pretty creative spots in this match. HHH whacks Kurt's leg with a chair off Stephanie's distraction. He's working Kurt's knee while commentary drops XFL references. Indian deathlock, figure four. While Angle's in the figure four, the women start brawling at ringside but Vince steps in and breaks them up. Angle rolls Hunter up off the distraction, then gets two off a DDT. Angle goes up top, gets low blowed, and Triple H hits a Razor's Edge. Angle accidentally lowblows Triple H, hits a moonsault but it hurts his knee. He still picks up two. Ref bump! Angle armdrags HHH off the top rope. Visual pin, no ref. The ref gets bumped again! Triple H tries for a belt shot, Kurt reverses, Hunter reverses that, hits the Pedigree. No one gets up from the Pedigree but there's no ref. Stone Cold Steve Austin runs in, nails Triple H with the belt. He grags Hebner back into the ring, Stunners HHH, and leaves. Hebner comes to, counts to three, Angle retains.
Backstage we learn Rikishi is number thirty, the Undertaker is an American Badass, and Kevin Kelly is employed. He interviews the Rock and the Rock says he's sick of people wondering if Kane and Undertaker are on the same side.
Finally, the Royal Rumble Match. Number one is Jeff Hardy, number two, from Right To Censor, is Bull Buchanan. Number three, serendipitously, is Matt Hardy. They eliminate Bull then start wrestling each other. Number four is Faarooq. The Hardys do their moves and eliminate him. Jeff and Matt take their shirts off to huge pops. Number five is Drew Carey. Matt and Jeff eliminate each other in some gruesome bumps. Number six is Kane. Drew offers Kane money to leave him alone. Number seven is Raven. Drew Carey eliminates himself as Raven introduces weapons. Al Snow pops out from under the ring and jumps Raven. The bell for number eight rings and its Al Snow. Big surprise. Snow introduces a bowling ball and bowls a 7/10 split on Raven. With all the weapons and trash in the ring, JR says it looks like a hurricane blew through New Orleans. The hardcore guys gang up on Kane. Perry Saturn is number nine, number ten is Steve Blackman, and number eleven is Grand Master Sexay. Kane eliminates everyone. Number twelve is Honky Tonk Man, he sings his song, he's cool, he's cocky, and he's bad. He gets el kabong-ed by Kane and eliminated. Number thirteen is the Rock, number fourteen is the Goodfather, who is eliminated by the Rock. Number fifteen is Taz who gets immediately eliminated. Number sixteen is Bradshaw. seventeen is Albert, eighteen is Hardcore Holly, number nineteen is K-Kwiq, number twenty is Val Venis, number twenty one is William Regal, and number twenty two is Test who eliminates Regal. Number twenty three is the Big Show. He eliminates Test and K-Kwik. Show then chokeslams everybody except for the Rock, who eliminates him. Number twenty four is Crash Holly. Big Show chokeslams Rock through the announce table, leaving Rocky unconscious on the floor. Number twenty five is the Undertaker on his dumb bike. He comes to Kane's rescue. Bradshaw, Crash, Hardcore, and Venis are all eliminated by the Brothers of Destruction. Then the two of them face off alone. Number twenty six is Scotty 2 Hotty, who gets double chokeslammed and eliminated. The Rock starts to come to on the floor. Number twenty seven is Stone Cold Steve Austin. He gets pearl harbored by the Game though. The Rock takes it to Kane and Taker. Austin is busted open. Number twenty eight is Billy Gunn, number twenty nine is Haku, and number thirty is Rikishi who goes after Austin. Riskishi eliminates Taker via superkick. Rock eliminates Rikishi and Austin eliminates Billy Gunn. Its come down to Austin, Taker, and The Rock. Austin Stunners the Rock, The Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Austin. Kane eliminates Rock, and chokeslams Austin. He introduces a chair. Stunner! Austin brains Kane with the chair and eliminates him. Stone Cold wins for the unprecedented third time!
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