Finally, we've got a cool set tonight from the Joe Lewis Arena in beautiful Detroit, Michigan. Striker and Grisham, King and Cole, and Tazz and JR.
Jerking the curtain is the ECW title match between former champ Matt Hardy and new champ Jack Swagger. Matt is starting to look a little tubby here. Matt tries to brawl to neutralize Swagger's wrestling. Swagger working Hardy's arm. Matt does a really dangerous looking Moonsault where it looks like he's just gonna spike himself straight down into the mat with no rotation. In the end, its a Swagger gutwrench powerbomb for the three.
Next is the Women's title match between Melina and champ Beth Phoenix. The Glamazon is accompanied by Santino Marella. Glamarella. Melina hits la mistica. Beth does a one-woman-demolition device on Melina and does that spot where she slams Melina's foot into the back of her own head. In the end, Melina picks up the win, and the strap, off a really awesome looking wheelbarrow rollup thing. There's a "Merry Me Beth" (sic) sign.
JBL says he'll let HBK out of his contract and give him a rumble spot if he makes sure Cena loses to Him tonight. Undertaker appears and says its "Hell, getting to Heaven."
JBL is accompanied to ringside by his manservant Shawn Michaels for his title match against champion John Cena. This is a wrestling match between a Good Wrestler and a man who knows two moves. Michaels teases cheating. Ref gets bumped. Both men are sprawled in the middle of the ring and Shawn has to make a choice. He sweet Chin Musics JBL. He then Sweet Chin Musics John Cena and rolls JBL on top of Cena. Ref revives, counts one, two, Cena kicks out! Cena retains his title via FU.
Vickie Guerrero interrupts The entrance of Jeff Hardy for his title defense against Edge. She declares the match no disqualification. Edge comes down to the ring with Chavito. There are loud "We want Christian" chants. Twist of fate on the apron. Jeff introduces a ladder, climbs to the top, and puts Chavo through the announce table in a crazy bump that almost sees Jeff topple to his doom as the Ladder wobbles. Edge exposes the top turnbuckle and Hardy gets slammed down onto it for only two. Spear countered into a Twist of Fate, Swanton. Vickie pulls the ref out of the ring during the count. Matt Hardy runs in, gives Jeff a chair. Gets a second to do a Con-Chair-To but actually nails Jeff with it instead. Three count, new champ, the crowd goes mild.
Orton says he doesn't care about what he did to the McMahons or what they're gonna do to him tomorrow night, he's just gonna win the rumble. Chris Jericho runs in and uses some two dollar words. The By The Numbers package airs.
Justin Roberts runs down the rules for the Royal Rumble match. Number one is Rey, two is John Morrison, three is Carlito, four is MVP, five is Great Khali, six is Vladimir Kozlov. Kozlov eliminates Khali, MVP, and Carlito. Triple H, number seven, eliminates Kozlov. Number eight is Randy Orton. Number nine is Cryme Tyme. They flip a coin to see which of the two gets to be in the rumble. JTG wins but King claims it was a one-sided coin. Number ten is Ted Dibiase jr, eleven is Chris Jericho, twelve is Mike Knox, thirteen is the Miz. Orton RKOs Mizorrison and gets pedigreed, Game eliminates Mizorrison. Rey uses their backs as stepping stones to avoid getting eliminated, Number fourteen is Finlay, fifteen is Cody Rhodes. Legacy goes on a tear. Number sixteen is Undertaker who eliminates JTG. Number seventeen is Goldust who squares off with Cody but gets RKOd and eliminated. Number eighteen is CM Punk. He puts HHH to sleep almost immediately. Number nineteen is Mark Henry, twenty is Shelton Benjamin, and twenty one is William Regal. Henry is eliminated by Rey Mysterio. Twenty two is Kofi Kingston. Undertaker is bleeding but still eliminates Shelton. Twenty three is Kane, Punk eliminates Regal. Twenty four is R-Truth, twenty five is RVD, twenty six is The Brian Kendrick. Kendrick eliminates Kofi and is eliminated by Triple H. Number twenty seven is Dolph Ziggler who is eliminated by Kane. Twenty eight is Santino Marella who is eliminated in one second. Twenty nine is Hacksaw Jim Duggan and big number thirty is the Big Show. Hacksaw and Truth are eliminated by Show. Show keeps trying to eliminate Punk but he holds on. It finally takes a Big Right Hand to put him away. Rey and Kofi eliminate each other, as Finlay is eliminated. Orton Hangman DDTs Hunter. Show and Taker square off. Jericho eliminates RVD after a Five Star Frog Splash. Jericho is eliminated by Taker, Kane is eliminated by Legacy, Its Legacy, Undertaker, Big Show and Triple H left. Game chokeslammed by Show, Orton chokeslammed by Taker. Taker and Show square off again. Orton RKOs Show out of the ring. Taker is then eliminated by an angry Big Show. Orton directs traffic as Legacy mauls the Cerebral Assassin. Pedigree to Rhodes eliminates him and Dibiase. Orton eliminates the Game from behind. Your winner of the 2009 Royal Rumble, Randy Orton!
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