Live from the Selland Arena, in beautiful Fresno, California, its time for the 1996 World Wrestling Federation Royal Rumble. The video starts with Sunny, in a bathtub, telling us viewer indiscretion is advised. Vince and Mr. Perfect, who is far from perfect tonight, on commentary. Tonight is the Undertaker vs Bret Hart for the World Championship and Razor vs Goldust.
Our first match however is Ahmed Johnson versus J-E-Double F J-A-Double R-E-Double T. Jarrett's first move is to strut. Commentary calls Johnson the "Mike Tyson of the WWF." Ahmed's form of psychology is just no-selling moves and wandering around doing moves. Jarrett just can't match Johnson's strength as he pounces Jarrett. Ahmed gets his hand caught in the ropes like the Cactus Jack head-in-the-ropes spot, so Jarrett struts. Johnson starts to hulk up, which, for him, is just no-selling and doing a little jog around the ring. After a bad spinebuster, plancha, missed senton. JArrett locks in a figure four but Ahmed rolls it over. Jarrett el kabong's Ahmed's head for the DQ loss. Jarrett el kabonged Ahmed for no reason. No title's on the line, he didn't really cheat, he just whacks Johnson over the head with a guitar right in front of the ref. The match wasn't even really lost for Jarrett yet. It just doesn't make sense.
Backstage the Smoking Gunns cut a promo, which consists of Bart sort of mumbling while not looking at the camera.
Todd interviews Diesel. Diesel doesn't know what he's gonna do tonight if he bumps into the man called Vader. All he knows is he's gonna have fun. Its not Vader Time its Big Daddy Cool Time. Neither Taker nor Shawn can measure up to the big guy.
An over-under spot starts the match between the Body Donnas (with Sunny) verus the Smoking Gunns. A lot of bad tag team spots, this match is like a house show match. Sunny distracts the Gunns, gets bumped for an upskirt, which allows the Body Donnas to take control. THey build the heat on Billy. Hot tag followed by a Demolition Decapitation sets up the visual pin, but Sunny is distracting the ref. It doesn't matter in the end as Bart wins via small package. Nothing match.
They play the Billionaire Ted sketch with the Huckster and the Nacho Man.
Then they play a Goldust/Razor Ramon feud video package. Goldust loves Razor's machismo and his gold. Razor finds the advances uncomfortable.
Goldust is accompanied by a mysterious woman smoking a cigar tonight. There's a Gaydust sign in the crowd. Razor vastly overpowers Goldust who relies on being weird to maintain control, winning the psychological battle. Razor spanks Goldust but this serves only to power Goldust up. Whenever Razor gets the upper hand, Goldust hides behind his woman. A pinning exchange ends with Razor just punching Goldust in the face. The crowd chants the F-slur. Dust whips Razor around and picks up two off a hammer throw. Swinging neckbreaker, Goldust is a good wrestler. Chin lock spot followed by a low blow from Razor, sprawling both me. Goldust manages to drape the arm across Razor for two. Razor hits a chokeslam but Goldust's woman distracts the ref. Oh no, the 1-2-3 Kid runs in and hits his move on Razor while the ref's back is turned. Goldust picks up the three and the win.
Shawn Michaels' doctor, Dr. Unger, who is a real doctor, medically clears him to compete.
Owen hart, Jack the Snake, Jerry Lawler, Vader and Jim Cornette, and some geek cut promos followed by the Heart Break Kid who introduces his fans as his kliq.
In the first ever WWF Free For All, Hunter Hearst Helmsley lost a match against Duke "The Dumpster" Droese, giving Hunter the number one spot and Droese number thirty. Number three is everyone's favorite Henry O. Godwinn, carrying a slop bucket. Number three is Bob Backlund and number four is the Burger King, Jerry "The King" Lawler.
The slop is introduced. King tries to slop Henry O. Godwinn but HOG reverses, grabbing the slop for himself. All the heels run out of the ring and congregate together, in perfect position to be slopped, and slopped they are. Lawler gets the most of the slop.
Number five is Bob "Spark Plug" Holly, number six is King Mabel accompanied by Mo. Number seven is Jake "The Snake" Roberts! Jake throws Damien in the ring and everyone flees out of there. Damien catches the King and sits on him until Jake puts the snake away. Everyone gets back in the ring, except King, who hides underneath it. Number eight is Dory Funk, Jr! There's a DDT chant. Number 19 is the immense Yokozuna! Yoko eliminates Backlund. Mable and Yoko squish HOG. Number ten is the 1-2-3 Kid, followed quickly by Razor Ramon. The officials chase Razor off before he can do any real damage. Number eleven is Omari from All Japan Pro. HOG was eliminated at some point around here. Savio Vega is number twelve. Yoko eliminates Mabel, Jake eliminates Owen. Number thirteen is the one, the only, Big Van Vader, with Jim Cornette in tow. Savio Vega eliminates Funk. Number fourteen is Doug Gilbert from USWA. Number fifteen is a Squat Team duder. Vader press slams Gilbert out and then eliminates the Squat Team guy. Number sixteen is the other Squat Team guy. They both go to the ring to do some Twin Magic. Yoko and Vader eliminate both of them simultaneously. Number seventeen is the king of hearts, Owen Hart. Vader whipes Yoko into Vega and Vega dies. Number eighteen is last year's winner, Shawn Michaels. Savio Vega is eliminated by Vader. Vader and Yokozuna turn on each other. Michaels eliminates them both. Michaels also press slams the Kid. Number nineteen is Hakushi. Vader gets back in the ring to attack Michaels. He starts tossing duders out but the officials say those eliminations don't count. Finally Vader gets eliminated. Number twenty is Tatanka. Owen eliminates Hakushi. Number twenty one is Aldo Montoya. Shawn grabs King out from under the ring. Tatanka eliminates Montoya, Shawn eliminates King. Number twenty two is Big Daddy Cool who eliminates Tatanka. Number twenty three is Kama. Diesel accidentally knocks Michaels out. Twenty four is some geek, the Ringmaster. Bob Holly gets eliminated by him. Number twenty five is Barry Horowitz. Diesel eliminates Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Number twenty six is Phatu who has great music. Number twenty seven is another geek, Isaac Yankem, DDS. Twenty eight is Marty Janetty followed by British Bulldog at twenty nine, cut to Diana in the crowd. Janetty is eliminated by Davey Boy. The Ringmaster is eliminated off camera. Owen got eliminated before somewhere and comes back to pearl harbor Michaels. Kama eliminates Droese and Yankem. Our final four: Diesel, Kama, Davey Boy Smith, and Shawn Michaels. Michaels eliminates Bulldog, then Kama, and then Diesel via Sweet Chin Music. Diesel rolls back in the ring to confront Michaels. Drama. Michaels gives Diesel a high five and they're still best friends. Your two time champion, Shawn Michaels.
Next is our main event. Taker and Diesel brawl on the entrance ramp but the officials breat it up. Taker no-sells Bret's offense as usual. This is a one-sided Undertaker match. Bret keeps firing back and taking Taker off his feet, but Taker sits up. "Bring Back Warrior" sign in the crowd. Bret works over Taker's leg as much as he can and attacks the Mask. Taker stomps a hole in Bret's face to escape a submission. Taker attacks Hart with a chair off Bearer distracting the referee. There's a mixed reaction to Bret working Undertaker over. Taker tries to lift Bret up for the tombstone but his leg gives out. DDT from Bret for two but Undertaker sits up. Taker keeps sitting up, whatever Bret throws at him. Taker tries to sit up one last time, but can't. Bret goes to lock on the Sharpshooter. Taker powers out, they sprawl and Bret gets to his feet first. He tears Taker's mask off and rams Taker's face into an exposed turnbuckle. The crowd turns totally against Bret. Tombstone, followed by Diesel bumping the ref. Your winner by Disqualification, the Undertaker! Diesel flips the Undertaker off from the ramp and Taker storms after him.
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