Live from the Arrowhead Pond in beautiful Anaheim, California, its time for the Royal Rumble 1999 edition. Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler are our commentators. There's a $100,000 bounty on Stone Cold Steve Austin's head tonight, with the purse going to whoever eliminates him from the Rumble. The even worse news for Austin is has been assigned number one in the Rumble. On the bright side, number two is Mr. McMahon! Number thirty is Chyna.
Road Dogg, the Hardcore champ, is in a non-title non-hardcore special matchup against the Big Bossman tonight. Big Bossman is currently one half of the World Tag Team Champions, with Ken Shamrock. There's an "RSPW 4 Life" sign in the background as the two men stall. Bossman is the better of all of the boring, stalling spots in the open of the match. Road Dogg tries to introduce the night stick. As the referee tries to throw it aside, Road Dogg low blows Bossman. There's a bear hug spot. This match is so boring and nothing happens and it just keeps going on. Road Dogg hits the Shake Rattle and Roll for only two. Bossman pops back up and nails him with the sidewalk slam for three.
A recap of the Billy Gunn/Shamrock feud. Basically, Billy Gunn mooned Ryan Shamrock and Ken flew off the handle.
Our next match, Bad Ass Billy Gunn vs Intercontinental Champion Ken Shamrock, is a much better match. Billy takes control in the opening until he misses a spear into the turnbuckle. Shamrock stays in control until Billy hits a FameAsser. /They brawl to the outside where Shamrock regains the upper hand. Billy chokeslams Shamrock into the Spanish announce table. Shamrock is working over Billy's leg. There's a pretty long guillotine spot. Gunn reverses a knee lift into a cradle followed by a perfectplex. Ref bump! Val Venis runs in and DDTs Ken. Ken kicks out when Billy goes for the pin after the ref gets up. A flying double ax handle from Billy, he ends up tweaking his ankle. Shamrock takes advantage, locks on the ankle lock, he wins the match and retains the Intercontinental title.
Backstage Vince, Shane, and the Stooges are psyching each other up.
Next is a match for the European Championship: The champion X-Pac facing off against Gangrel. This is a pretty fast paced match but it exposes how much X-Pac kinda sucks. There's a botched pin that leaves the ref counting to three. The crowd chants, "You fucked up." X-Pac retains with the X-Factor.
Backstage, DX is being interviewed. In the Royal Rumble, its every man, and every woman, for themselves.
Shane comes down to the ring along with Luna Vachon. The Women's Champion Sable, who was scheduled to defend her belt tonight, is unable to compete due to a back injury she suffered at the hands of Luna during Sunday Night Heat. Shane asks Sable to come out and vacate the belt. She comes out and demands the match start.
Its a strap match! How exciting. Strap matches are the worst kind of matches, its a worse stipulation than casket matches. Anyway, Shane distracts the ref, allowing a fan to run in and cold clock Luna. Sable touches all four corners and wins.
Backstage, with Dok Hendrix, The Rock manages to fit all of his catchphrases in one thirty second promo.
Match number five is an I Quit match for the Heavyweight Championship of the World, the champ Mankind is to face off against the ordained Corporate contender, The Rock. There's a "Foley Fears Onita" sign in the crowd. Instead of quitting, the two keep trash talking each other whenever a microphone comes near their faces. Rock tries to Rock Bottom Mankind through the Spanish announce table but it just collapses instead. They brawl around the arena, Rock DDTs Mankind on the concrete. Rock gets a ladder and climbs it, followed by Mankind. They brawl on the second level of the arena. Mankind gets tossed off and goes through some electronics cabinets that Michael Cole keeps calling "circuit boards." This knocks some of the lights out. The two men end up back in the ring, where The Rock handcuffs Foley. Foley now has zero protection from the Rock's attacks. The Rock gets a chair and it telegraphs where this is going to go. Rock beats Mankind's head in with it. So many chair shots, its easy to lose track of the number, including a shot with the backside of the chair that makes this dull thud against Mankind's head its literally revolting. Mick just won't quit until he's bloodied, laying almost unconscious on the entrance ramp. This match was absolutely disgusting, especially having seen Beyond The Mat. The Rock poses with his new belt over Foley's lifeless corpse.
Cole runs down the rules for the Royal Rumble match. They reiterate the One Hundred Thousand Dollar bounty on Stone Cold's head for whoever eliminates him. Fink then runs down the rules. Number one, obviously, is Austin. Number two is Vince and they start brawling. Austin stomps a mud hole in Austin and kicks his crotch. Number thirteen is Golga. He's quickly eliminated. Vince goes out under the bottom rope, and Austin chases him all the way to the concourse. Number four is Road Warrior Droz. The Corporation jump Austin in the ladies' room. Number five is Edge, number six is Gillberg who immediately gets eliminated. What a petty joke Gillberg is. Number seven is Steve Blackman. Droz orders Edge to help him eliminate Blackman, but Edge just pokes him in the eye. Number eight is the Beast, Dan Sevren. Backstage, they stretcher Austin out of the arena onto an ambulance, which drives away. Number nine is Tiger Ali Singh, number ten is the Blue Meanie. Number eleven is no one! Cut backstage to Mosh getting beat up by Mabel, who enters the ring in his place. Mabel eliminates the Beast, Blackman, Singh, Droz, and Meanie. Number twelve is Road Dogg who eliminates Edge. The Undertaker enters the fray and the Acolytes and Mideon run in and kidnap Mabel. Number thirteen is Gangrel. There's the fans doing a cool dance to his music. Road Dogg eliminates him. Number fourteen is Kurrgan, number fifteen is Al Snow, who gets eliminated by Road Dogg. Number sixteen is Goldust, seventeen is the Godfather with the Ho Train, and eighteen is Kane! KAne eliminates Road Dogg, Kurrgan, Godfather, and Goldust. He then eliminates himself running away from the orderlies from an insane asylum. Vince comes back and gets on commentary. Number nineteen is Ken Shamrock, number twenty is Billy Gunn, still limping, and number twenty one is Test. Backstage, Undertaker, Mideon, and the Acolytes stuff Mabel into a hearse as an ambulance comes roaring down the cargo ramp. An ambulance driven by Stone Cold Steve Austin. Number twenty two is the Big Bossman. Austin goes after Vince, eliminating Shamrock. Number twenty three is Triple H, twenty four is Val Venis, Austin eliminates Billy Gunn, number twenty five is X-Pac, number twenty six is Mark Henry, number twenty seven is Jeff Jarrett with Debra, number eight is D'Lo with PMS and number twenty nine is Owen Hart. Austin eliminates Test and Pac. Triple H eliminates Jarrett. Austin throws a pitcher of water at Mr. McMahon. Number thirty is Chyna. She eliminates Mark Henry, Austin eliminates her. HHH eliminates Val Venis, Austin stunners and eliminates Hunter. Austin eliminates Owen. The final four are Austin, D'lo, Bossman, and Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Bossman eliminates D'lo. Austin stunners and eliminates Bossman. Vince and Austin brawl and Austin delivers an awful chair shot to Vince's head. Vince low blows Austin and gets Stunnered for his trouble. The Rock comes down to ringside to distract Austin. Vince comes up from behind and eliminates him! Your winner of the 1999 Royal Rumble, and number one contender to the World Championship, Mr. McMahon. Vince, Shane, and the Stooges drink beers in the ring like Austin.
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