Monday Night Raw - 12/26/2016

Merry Christmas live from beautiful Chicago, Illinois! They're doing that weird "previously on" deal again this week. Not a lot of news this week so we might as well see what Braun has in store for us tonight!

Monday Night Raw - 12/19/2016

Live from OSU in beautiful Columbus, Ohio, it's Monday Night Raw. Paleo joke? Last night, Rusev beat Cass to defend Lana's honor, Cesaro and Sheamus were coined the Shameful Swingers and beat the New Day for the straps, Sami Zayn lasted for ten minutes again Braun Stroman, Rollins beat Jericho, Swann retained over TJP and TBK before Neville returned evil and beat him up, Charlotte beat Sasha Banks in sudden death after Sasha's face exploded, and Kevin Owens retained after Chris Jericho hit him with a Codebreaker during his match against Roman Reigns. Post-match, Rollins and Reigns beat Jericho and Owens up for a while.

Monday Night Raw - 12/12/2016

Welcome to the city of brotherly love, baby! It's Monday Night Raw live from beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Apparently Chris Hero has re-signed with the WWE pending his medical. Roadblock is next week. One of those two things is incredibly exciting.

Monday Night Raw - 12/5/2016

Live from the town that always keeps it weird, beautiful Austin, Texas, it's Monday Night Raw. Nothing happened this week in Raw news. I guess Rich Swann beat Kendrick for the Cruiserweight belt. No idea if anything is booked tonight but Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo is on Starz at the same time as Raw on the USA Network.

Monday Night Raw - 11/28/2016

Welcome to beautiful Charlotte, North Cackalacky, the Queen City, it's Monday Night Raw! In this week's recap of last week's show, it clearly shows Jericho wearing a Sin Cara mask and not a Hayabusa mask like I thought. Whoops.

Monday Night Raw - 11/21/2016

Live from beautiful, scenic Toronto, Ontario, Canada, the 6IX, it's Monday Night Raw. Goldberg squashed Lesnar last night, Raw won the Women's and Tag Team Survivor Series matches, lost the Men's singles one. The Brian Kendrick retained the Cruiserweight belt via DQ when Baron Corbin interfered. The Miz defended his Intercontinental championship. Enzo wore tights covered with Drake references. I think that's all that happened.

Monday Night Raw - 11/14/2016

Live from beautiful Buffalo, New York it's Monday Night Raw! Last week was in Scotland so of course I didn't watch it. They announced The Brian Kendrick vs Kalisto for ownership of the Cruiserweight division and Sami Zayn vs Dolph Ziggler for the intercontinental title. Also Noam Dar debuted.

Monday Night Raw - 10/31/2016

 Live from beautiful Hartford, CT, it's Monday Night Raw. Goldberg scheduled to appear tonight. Hell in a Cell was last night, Roman retained over Rusev, Bayley beat Dana Brooke, The Club beat Enzo and Cass, Kevin Owens retained over Rollins with an assist from Jericho, The New Day retained their belts over Sheamus and Cesaro, The Brian Kendrick beat TJ Perkins for the Cruiserweight belt, and Charlotte beat Sasha Banks for the Women's title in the (bad) main event. Rematches announced: TJP vs TBK with the title on the line.

Monday Night Raw - 10/24/2016

Live from beautiful Minneapolis, Minnesota, it's Monday Night Raw! Last week, Goldberg accept Lesnar's challenge and this week Lesnar is supposed to say something. It would be great if they announced more matches/segments in advance so it would be less hard to fill this opening paragraph. Hell in a Cell is next week!

Monday Night Raw - 10/17/2016

Live from beautiful Denver, Colorado, it's Monday Night Raw and we're in the mile high city baby!! It's 10/17 and everyone is wrestling tonight in honor of Guwop. They pink ribbons everyone's wearing are actually for Gucci Mane and not Susan G Komen, for one night only. And also GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG

Monday Night Raw - 10/10/2016

Live from beautiful Oakland, California, it's Monday Night Raw, baby! SVU was the lead-in for Raw on the USA Network tonight so I'm real bummed out. Watching child actors talk about rape is the worst possible way to get hyped for wrestling. Yikes. Goldberg might be there tonight. I was real excited for Goldberg before I turned on my TV.

Monday Night Raw - 10/3/2016

Live from the Staples Center in the city of angels, the beautiful Los Angeles, California, it's Monday Night Raw. Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson are in the house! I wonder how many people from the LA comedy scene are at the show tonight.

Monday Night Raw - 9/26/2016

Live from beautiful Cincinatti, Ohio, it's that time of the week again. It's Monday Night Raw, baby! Roman beat Rusev for the US title last night and that's really all that happened. Oh, there was a Cesaro/Sheamus match that went to a no contest as the blow-off to the best of seven and featured Sheamus doing a worked concussion deal and wandering off. I thought it was a really boring pay-per-view and a bad way to kick off the brand split ppvs but what do I know.

Monday Night Raw - 9/19/2016

Live from the city of kings, Jerry Lawler, Elvis Presley, Alex Chilton, and Young Dolph! That's right, it's live from beautiful Memphis, Tennessee and it's Monday Night Raw! The cruiserweights will no longer be cruiser-waiting, brother, as they make their debut tonight. All your favorites from the Cruiserweight Classic will be in attendance and they will be headed up by CWC winner and new Cruiserweight champion TJ Perkins. I've got a new keyboard situation. The show starts... now!

Monday Night Raw - 9/12/2016

Live from beautiful Bodymore, Murdaland, it's the Kevin Owens Show! Nah, it's Monday Night Raw. Backlash last night was good. I'm not feeling great. The show is live, did I mention that?

Monday Night Raw - 9/5/2016

Live from beautiful Kansas City, in one of the assuredly beautiful states where there's a Kansas City, welcome to the Kevin Owens Show! Paige is "done" with the WWE, Sasha says she's going to retire tonight, and the NXT Paul political hit is in full force.

Monday Night Raw - 8/29/2016

In memory of Mr. Fuji and live from beautiful Houston, Texas, it's Monday Night Raw. The Fatal Four Way for the WWE Universal Nightmare Strap tonight is now an elimination match so there's exactly zero reason for it to be a fatal four way and not a straight tournament. Finn Balor will be out until at least next year. Was Bo Dallas a Raw guy? He got ejected from an airport for being too drunk and singing songs from the Lion King. It's all about hashtag Universal Championship because we're live, baby!

Monday Night Raw - 8/22/2016

I FORGOT RAW IS ON. ITS LIVE THOUGH. Raw results (rawsults) from last night are Sami and Neville over the Dudleys, Sheamus over Cesaro in their first match of seven, Jeri-KO beat Enzo and Cass, Charlotte won her belt back from Sasha, New Day retained against the Club via DQ after Big E returned to save Jon Stewart's balls, Finn Balor beat Seth to be crowned the new Universal Champion and also the Universal Championship belt is very, very ugly, and Raw superstar Brock Lesnar beat Randy Orton via TKO after elbowing him in the face so hard Randy needed 10 stitches. It was kind of a crummy payperview. I think they're still in beautiful Brooklyn, New York at the equally beautiful Barclay Center and they're live. They're using the same set from last night, with the ridiculously ugly LED ringposts and the gaudy LED ramp. It's live.

Monday Night Raw - 8/15/2016

Live from beautiful Corpus Christi, Texas it's Monday Night Raw. Honestly can't think of any news that happened this week at all. Shawn Michaels is going to NXT to replace a sick Terry Taylor. That's close to Raw-related news. Summerslam is going to be six hours this year? Um. Dean's interview with Austin was bad. Conor McGregor has been antagonizing wrestlers online in the lead up to his rematch with Nate Diaz. Let's start the show.

Monday Night Raw - 8/8/2016

Live from beautiful Anaheim, California, home of the mouse, it's a special Bad Boy edition of Monday Night Raw! I don't think there was any major Raw news this week. Big E's dick is bruised, I guess. Shelton Benjamin got injured but he was a Smackdown-to-be guy. Daniel Bryan is going to be on Raw to address Brock and Orton not abiding by the rules of the brand split. I love arbitration. Let's start.

Monday Night Raw - 8/1/2016

Live from a basketball arena of some sort probably in beautiful Hotlanta, Georgia, home of UFC 201, it's time for Monday Night Raw! Next week is Diddy but this week is some regular Raw action in the New Era!

Monday Night Raw - 7/25/2016

Welcome to beautiful Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where we are LIVE for the first Monday Night Raw of the new brand extension. Raw has a new ugly logo and a bad theme but they won the draft. Ambrose retained the WWE title and took it to Smackdown at Battleground. All the other finishes were good but obviously there's little storyline momentum. Bayley debuted as Sasha's mystery partner, Sami killed Kevin Owens in classic Shawn Michaels "I Love You" style, From a new announce position at the top of the ramp, the new commentary team is Byron, Cole, and Corey Graves. Let's take it to the ring!

Monday Night Raw - 7/18/2016

Live from beautiful Providence, Rhode Island, it is the last Monday Night Raw before the brand extension returns! Lesnar pissed hot. I forget if this happened last week or this week but it happened. His loss to Mark Hunt will probably overturned, he will probably get a two year suspension from MMA, and he might end up suspended for a month, depending on whether or not that will affect his ability to wrestle at Summerslam.

Monday Night Raw - 7/11/2016

Live from the motor city, beautiful Detroit, Michigan, it's Monday Night Raw! There's a battle royal! Apollo Crews gets an entrance somehow but the Miz interrupts it. The Andre the Giant statue from the ARMBAR is at ringside but its not gold now, it looks like its made out of Velveeta. A hatchet man sign in the second row. The match is for the number one contendership to the Miz's Intercontinental title. The statue is at ringside because Baron Corbin demanded it. Bob Backlund is also at ringside. Miz namedrops Morrison as someone who's career was ruined by the WWE Draft. The final five in the battle royal are Baron Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, Alberto Del Rio, Apollo Crews, and Darren Young. Dolph superkicks Del Rio out of the ring but not over the top rope. He rolls back into the ring and no-sells for Corbin for a little bit before letting Corbin whip him into the corner where Apollo Crews dumps him out. Corbin tosses Ziggler out, then Apollo and Corbin eliminate each other like in that Royal Rumble with Cena and Batista. Bob Backlund runs in the ring, picks Darren up, and runs around with him. Bob looks so excited and Darren looks lightly enthused.

Monday Night Raw - 7/4/2016

A food fight instigated by the Vaudevillians, the Miz, and Maryse happened. While everyone foodfights, Cesaro and Crews arm wrestle. Eventually Kane and Show put Heath Slater through a table and everyone parts as friends, albeit covered in food. I hate this show. Kevin Owens hid under a table and emerges once everyone is gone. He grabs a hot dog and says "This never would have happened on Canada Day!" Then a ghost pies him. Live from beautiful Columbus, Ohio on the most annoying holiday to be a wrestling fan, it is the worst show on television including Game of Thrones. This show is going to be insufferable tonight.

Monday Night Raw - 6/27/2016

Welcome to beautiful Tampa, Florida, home of the Hulkster, it's Monday Night Raw baby! Roman Reigns got wellnessed and suspended for a month this week. Uh oh! Dean worked a double shot of house shows this weekend, carrying the company on his back as the champ.

Monday Night Raw - 6/20/2016

Press X to reload and welcome to beautiful Phoenix, Arizona for Monday Night Raw! Dean Ambrose won Money in the Bank and then the strap last night, pinning Seth after Seth pinned Roman after Roman bumped the ref and got a visual pin on Seth. Nothing else happened over four and a half hours. Maybe we'll have another three hours where nothing happens tonight on Monday Night Raw!

Monday Night Raw - 6/13/2016

Live from beautiful New Orleans, Louisiana, home of Wrestlemania 30, it's Monday Night Raw. I don't think anything newsworthy happened this week. It's business as usual here in the WWE Universe. Today is E3 press conference day and Sony is counter-programming Raw. I will not be listening to Monday Night Raw commentary after 9:30.

Monday Night Raw - 6/6/2016

Live from beautiful Oklahoma City, Oklahoma County, Oklahoma, Monday Night Raw is here! It's been a fairly slow news week. Last week's ratings were down but not down by that much despite the basketball game breaking records. WWE fans really don't care about real sports. Speaking of which, Brock Lesnar is going back to the UFC to fight Mark Hunt next month but is still employed by the WWE. That's about it. Let's start the show!

Monday Night Raw - 5/30/2016

I would just like to remind you, weighing in tonight at 246 pounds and hailing from beautiful Green Bay, Wisconsin, Monday Night Raw! Raw! The news this week is the return of the brand split in a couple months plus John Cena is back, baby! Tonight, Raw is up against game one of the Stanley Cup finals as well as game seven of the NBA western conference finals, a game that I'm hearing conservative estimates prediction over 13 million viewers so this is as throwaway a Raw as you can get.

Monday Night Raw - 5/23/2016

Live from beautiful Bodymore, Murderland it's Monday Night Raw featuring the fallout from Extreme Rules! Corbin beat Ziggler with a low blow, Gallows and Gun beat the Usos to become the number one contenders to the tag team titles, Rusev "paralyzed" Kalisto and snapped him clean in half with the Accolade to become a two time US champ, the New Day embarrassed the Vaudevillians despite the Vaudevillians looking pretty good in the match, the Miz retained in a match of the year contender against Cesaro, Sami, and Owens, Ambrose and Jericho wrestled for an incredibly boring amount of time in a match that somehow featured thumbtacks, Charlotte beat Nattie with an assist from Dana Brooke, and Roman Reigns retained his title against AJ in a heck of a no DQ match. After the main event, Seth Rollins made his long awaited return and laid out the champ. What will Roman have to say tonight???

Monday Night Raw - 5/16/2016

Live from Flair Country, beautiful Greensboro, North Carolina, it's not the longest running weekly episodic show in cable television history, but it is Monday Night Raw. News for the past week: Emma's hurt, rumors swirling that Owens and AJ are injured too, Rollins is back working off ring rust in Orlando, and Cena will be returning in two weeks! Let's get on with the show, I guess, but what's the point in a post-Emma world.

Monday Night Raw - 5/9/2016

Live from beautiful Omaha, Nebraska, its Monday Night Raw! A bunch of folks got fired this week including Damian Sandow. That's all I got.

Monday Night Raw - 5/2/2016

Things that happened on Payback: Dolph beat Baron Corbin in the exact same way Austin Ariest beat Corbin at Takeover. Kalisto beat Ryback in a great match. Everyone thought Enzo died but he had a concussion and had to go to the hospital. Owens beat Sami. Miz retained his belt after Owens and Sami distracted the ref from Cesaro's submission hold. Dean Ambrose beat Chris Jericho in a match I didn't watch. Charlotte beat Nattie after Lil Naitch screwed her in a masterful bit of 18 year long continuity. And finally, AJ beat Roman twice, with the match getting restarted each time until Roman finally beat AJ in a no disqualification match that featured the Usos and Gallows and Gun running in. Tonight, though, it's Monday Night live from beautiful St. Louis, Missouri!

Monday Night Raw - 4/25/2016

After a week in beautiful London, England which I did not watch as I refuse to watch taped WWE shows, WWE Raw is back from beautiful Hartford, Connecticut. Last week Bray Wyatt got injured and Triple H worked a lot of house shows, while in NXT Finn Balor lost the title, potentially foreshadowing a call up now that Gallows and Gun are in the 'E.

Tonight's show is in memory of Chyna who passed away this past week. Luckily, they start the show off with a recap of last week where Roman did his dumb catchphrase about being the guy again. Gallows and Gun teased that they are working for AJ after they laid out Roman with the "boot of doom" but AJ denied it. I hope they're not working for Shane. I'm really, sincerely worried that they're working for Shane and they aren't even going to call them the Posse. Tonight, Sheamus/Styles, Reigns/Del Rio.

Monday Night Raw - 4/11/2016

Show tonight is dedicated to Blackjack Mulligan and Shane O'Mac is announced as being in charge again. Why did Wrestlemania happen? What was the point? Anyway, it's Raw and it's live from beautiful Los Angeles, California. Last week was so good I didn't mute the show and start listening to k-pop until the second half of the third hour. Maybe they can repeat this week.

Monday Night Raw - 4/4/2016

It is the greatest night in the history of our sport, the aftermath of an absolute garbage Wrestlemania. JBL and Cole remind us that the night after Wrestlemania usually has nothing but smarks in attendance here in beautiful Dallas, Texas and sometimes they "cheer people they would normally boo, and boo people they normally cheer" for no reason.

NXT TakeOver Dallas - 4/1/2016 Hype Post

NXT Takeover Dallas is coming up tomorrow night at 10PM Eastern, which I think is 3AM GMT, and it's sure to be a blockbuster show. I don't watch the weekly NXT show but I make sure to catch every single Takeover. There hasn't been a bad one yet. There are six matches on the card and none of them are sleepers and all of them will have storyline importance going forward.

Monday Night Raw - 3/28/2016

Coming to you live from Brooklyn, New York, it's Monday Night Raw. This week, the news has been Luke Harper blowing out his knee, some woman from Good Morning America being inducted into the Warrior wing of the Hall of Fame, Daniel Bryan getting pulled from all his upcoming promo appearances, Brie Bella retirement rumors, and not a whole lot else. Slow news week this close to Wrestlemania. No idea what's being promoted tonight, probably "nothing" as usual.

Monday Night Raw - 3/21/2016

Live from beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Roman Reigns has a promo booked for the city of brotherly love. Oh boy. Last week: Neville broke his ankle, Roman beat up Triple H, nothing else happened.  Raw tonight is dedicated to the memory of Mary Katharine Stewart, who, as far as I can tell, is a hiker who died yesterday and has nothing to do with pro wrestling.

Monday Night Raw - 3/14/2016

Welcome to beautiful Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for Monday Night Raw! On Saturday at WWE In Your House Roadblock, the New Day retained their titles against the League, Charlotte retained her title against Natalya, Triple H retained his title against Dean Ambrose, and Sami Zayn had the worst match of his career against Stardust. Maybe things will get shaken up tonight in the Steel City, home of Bruno Sammartino and Kurt Angle!

Monday Night Raw - 3/7/2016

Live from Chicago, Illinois, its Monday Night Raw yet again! The internet rumor mill has been swirling today about Sami Zayn's main roster debut and also about Patrick Klepek getting his bad beard shaved off by a wrestler. Also tonight, Shane McMahon!

Monday Night Raw - 2/29/2016

Monday Night Raw comes to you tonight live from beautiful Nashville, Tennessee, Music City USA. Rusev has issued an open body slam challenge, the winner gets a Maserati.

Opening the show is Triple H, using his heel music again. After weeks of him using the babyface music, finally back to the heel music. Triple H says that fearing authority is nature's way of making the little people stay in line. He says that Roman should have known his place and listened to his fear. "Roman" chants. Welcome to the last episode of Raw where Roman Reigns is going to get a babyface reaction before Wrestlemania. Roman is sitting home this week because Triple H turned his nose into jelly last week. Triple H says no one should question his authority when Dean Ambrose's music hits. He saunters down to the ring to "Ambrose" chants. Dean says Roman says hi. Triple H says Dean won an Oscar for "best supporting actor," which is clever, but then he says "in a bromance" which isn't clever. Dean says last week was crazy and he recaps the entire episode. Dean asks Triple H who he didn't want to win the triple threat match at Fast Lane. Triple H says it doesn't matter, because Dean wasn't a factor in the match. Dean says he's pretty sure he's the last guy Triple H wanted to face at Wrestlemania. HHH laughs at him. Dean says Triple H is a smart guy, smart enough to know he can't beat him. He can tell from Triple H's body language and smell his fear. He calls him "son." Triple H says the smell is actually laundry detergent. The crowd chants "you can't beat him." Dean asks him for a match. The crowd starts chanting "yes" but he cuts them off, because he's not done yet. He wants a match for the belt. He says Roman signed the contract for a title match at Wrestlemania, but not necessarily one against Triple H. Triple H tells him this isn't how it works, you can't just demand a match. He says before the end of Raw, he'll let Dean know if he can have his match. He was going to give Dean the night off but now he has to face Alberto Del Rio and the League in the main event. Also tonight, the Undertaker, player!

Monday Night Raw - 2/22/2016

Last night at Fast Lane, Kalisto retained his US title on the preshow against Del Rio, the Wyatts lost again, there were two womens matches and they were both bad, Owens retained against Ziggler, AJ beat Jericho with the Calf Killer after he kicked out of the Styles Clash, and Roman pinned Dean after Dean waffled Brock with a chair to become the number 1 contender. That's all that happened. Nothing else happened. That's it. Stop pretending that there was an additional half hour worth of content that happened. It didn't. Let's move on.

Monday Night Raw - 2/15/2016

Dean Ambrose's music hits to open this episode of Monday Night Raw, live from beautiful Anaheim, California. Its a sellout tonight! I heard it sold out the minute they announced AJ Styles. Dean says he will be wrestling Barack Lesnar. Dean says Brock is probably looking for revenge after what Dean did to him last week. He's having visions of being F-5'd by Brock. He calls him out. Stephanie comes out instead. She books Dean in a match where he'll get an F-5:  A fatal five-way! I think she said that if Roman comes out to ringside, Dean will be stripped of the belt. I was watching the Grammys. Anyway, the match starts right now!

Monday Night Raw - 2/8/2016

We say goodbye to Daniel Bryan tonight from the Key Arena in beautiful Seattle, WA and I don't think I'm going to be able to hold back my tears.

Monday Night Raw - 2/1/2016

I tuned in late and Lesnar is in the ring! Paul Heyman is there with him! Lesnar's new shirt is purple instead of green but its the exact same design and I guess we're in beautiful Birmingham, Alabama tonight!

Monday Night Raw - 1/25/2016

Live from the American Airlines Center in beautiful Miami, Florida, baby, its the post-rumble episode of Monday Night Raw! After a very exciting and mostly good pay per view and a mostly exciting and very good rumble match that made all of my personal dreams come true, its time to see what World Heavyweight Champion HHH and the Authority have in store!

Monday Night Raw - 1/18/2016

Its Martin Luther King Jr Day, baby!!! Too bad Seth Rollins is dead and can't commit a hate crime this year but at least we get the video package. Does the WWE know Nelson Mandela isn't American?

Monday Night Raw - 1/11/2016

Live from beautiful New Orleans, Louisiana, the entire male roster is out on the stage when Vince's music hits and the chairman and one of the principle owners of the WWE strut out. Stephanie asks why the Raw crowd isn't happy. Vince says to welcome your next WWE champion and gestures at the stage where the New Day are goofing off. All these men are in the Rumble apparently despite there being more than 30 guys on the stage I think and also there are a lot of tag teams there. Vince keeps calling Dolph "Dolph Ziegler." Stephanie says it could be Kevin Owens' time. Vince says he feels a hallelujah coming on because the New Day could be the new champion! The lights go out and the Wyatts teleport to commentary. Bray says "anyone but you, Roman." Vince continues his promo even though the lights are still out. Vince says Brock is entered into the Rumble. Roman's music hits and he makes his way through the crowd. JBL calls him an "irascible hothead." I think JBL says that Roman is #1 or #2 but I don't know when they announced that. The crowd is having a hard time chanting for Roman, Stephanie makes fun of them, so they give up. The crowd pops for Stephanie saying Roman is going to beat up Vince. Vince calls Roman "pal" and Roman says he's not here to beat Vince up but to ask him what happens when he wins. Stephanie cackles. Roman is booked in a "one vs all" match tonight to prove that he's capable of winning the Rumble. I think its like the Cena and Orton vs the entire roster match except instead of two guys going over everyone, it'll be one guy. Stephanie says Roman might even have to wrestle Dean but Vince clarifies that Dean wont be in that match since he has to wrestle first. Sheamus then jumps Dean and we cut to commercial.